BigPapaDean

I am touched by the empathy some of you are showing. I am doing much better these days yet the culture I grew up in was ti keep people like me in a closet and don't talk about them. To those who feel embarrassed to have some with this or any mental disorder I say this. Come out of your closet and walk into the 21st century. The means for treatment has gotten so vast even tho there are tons of studies and research left to do. I for one will not let you off the hook because I embarrass you or it may make you look bad. Now having said that let me tell you how I deal with this thing. I have held the hand of my maker thru this whole ordeal and when I needed His guidance I asked for it and He led me to the source of help available for me. I tried going to college for retraining and failed, but I discovered they had a program to help someone like me. I included only 5 treatment sessions but my Dr in my case changed it because she knew I needed the help badly. I told you this to show you even in failure there was goodness and I received much needed advice and counselling. My journey has taken me out on the street for 2 years where is disorder is rampant. The problem is there they can't afford to get help and therefore are left untreated and left to the cruel world to try and survive. It took me into a world that is so much different than the one I live in today. I am extremely glad for this journey I am on because it helps others to seek critical help when they are initially ashamed. This is a disease where pride has no room to exist. That comes later when you are well, if you are blessed enough to be so. Like I have said there are so many unanswered questions that need to be answered and if this is the beginning of the help you need please do as other have done and just pm me. Take back your life and be the person you are and not what you feel now. God bless you all.

Congrats!!!

When you get high how do you feel and what sort of things do you do? I feel like am drunk but it seems time has been suspended. Most importantly I feel no pain! LOL that's a good feeling! I also really get the munchies to the point of over stuffing myself lol! Sometimes I get really really horny, but that is rare! What do you do?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=583812245038060

Pharticus do you have a degree or for that matter any course of study in this disease? If you do you are so out of touch with reality as to what I wrote. You lack empathy for this type of disease. As far as me choosing how to react you are ignorant there too you totally are in the dark ages about this disease and until you do your home work you might want to refrain from posting about a disease you know little or nothing about. I have lived with this all my life and tried all those bible verses you like to quote problem is they are talking to spiritually sick people not mentally ill people. People that need freedom from the captivating grips of sin not people like me who am already a believer. I use to be a pastor and taught all those things you are promoting but in mental illness cases They simply do NOT work. I have good spiritual thoughts daily and even minute by minute but when if someone crosses that boundary and triggers my anger I can't control it easily at all and then it becomes the persons problem that triggered me. I hate being this way and meds only help to a point but counselling does nothing but makes me aware of certain ways to try and avoid situations. I pray and talk to God constantly and for you or anyone to assume I don't by just reading this is a total mistake on your or their part. I have been able to counsel many people just like me and got them some help to get a long in life. I appreciate you considering my feelings but my feelings for the most part are a small piece of the cause of my reactions when I hear or see a trigger. Don't ever think someone like me can do this all alone they need family support and friends who know that you really don't like how you are. I would trade places with you in a heart beat but then I wouldn't be bearing my cross would I?

Looks like you photo-shopped it to me!

What this does for you is free you from the bondage of re using that damned condom over and over again. Grats you filthy rotten whore!

He was advertising for his brothel!

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter. When the girl got back from the date she said “That was the worst night of my life!” “Why is that?” her mom asked. “He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!” “Isn’t that a good thing?” “He’s the original owner mom!”

happy birthday!

I hope not!

Not following you SOB what you mean this post was removed and I re-posted it? that isn't what happened but rock found it right off when he looked for it.

Thanks Rockape I couldn't find it even when I searched for it!

Happy birthday!

Well young lady I want to wish you a special happy birthday! I hope it's the best ever for you! I apologize for all the cutting you on the server. Enjoy your special day!

I have rebooted my pc to see if that was the problem and still others would tell me they don't see it when I can and then 1 day after I posted and 12 viewers it just simply vanished. I pm'd rockape but have not heard back so am not sure if my last post was removed or what! If it was it would be nice to be pm'd and notified why and such>

I have been having posts I have made either not showing to anyone else and or disappearing from the forums and I was wondering if anyone else was having this problem?

Congrats Buttman!

Depression is a word so over used to describe when someone is feeling sad or just down and out. Then when some one is talking about "clinical depression" it is assumed that people who are sad and down and out know what you are talking about. There are many different forms and severity of this horrible debilitating disease that science has hardly scratched the depth of what it really encompasses. If you haven't been trained professionally or experienced it then there is no way you can fathom the suffering those of us have from time to time. I use to try and help people that didn't know what it is and how I feel when I am having and episode, but then after failing to do so I decided the normal person with no empathy toward this disease has no understanding and are in fact detached from me and my feelings when I have these occurrences. When I was interviewed for disability the Dr asked me a question I had never thought about in the way she asked . She asked me if I had motivation. Immediately I thought about my whole life of having opportunity after opportunity and had no motivation to take advantage of them. I responded with the question, "Are you telling me that because I have had no motivation my whole life, that I have be depressed my whole life?" Her simple answer "Yes" opened up my comprehension of things I had wandered and pondered about for years with no answer in sight. Things like being told my whole life I was lazy and that I should feel ashamed because I had this or that opportunity. I was told so many times I believed I was simply worthless. Yet on those few days when I felt good I could out work the best. For years I struggled not knowing what was wrong with me. Sometimes I wished that I would just die and have it all over with. I didn't contemplate suicide until that fateful day about 5 or 6 years ago when my marriage fell apart. The failure of the marriage was not the trigger that set me on that path. It was something that had my heart much more than she did at that time. We had this little dog and her name was Lolababy. She was a Pomeranian which are known as the heartbreak breed. Little did I know when we got her she would wrap my love around her little heart and she became the object of my love in ways I had never given love before. We use to take her to be groomed so she would look so beautiful and sweet. She loved to watch television commercials with little critters and would bark at them with excitement. She was like having a little child with us and she was treated as such. One day we took her to the groomer and they yanked on her neck choker way to hard and she got this horrible and eadly disease called collapsed trachea. That is where the breathing tube in her throat would collapse in her throat to where she couldn't breath. We were told she could be okay and live for years or it could be short. The day finally come and when I got up for work I knew I would not see her that night when I came home that night. I told her it was okay to go and not suffer any more pain. I cried like a baby when later that morning the call came she was gone. It took a while for the effects to hit me like a ton of bricks, but when they did I hurt like I had never hurt before in my life. This was the trigger that kicked my nervous breakdown and caused me to plan my suicide. I was in this deep dark hole and felt like there was no way out. I just wanted the pain to stop but it didn't. I planned that on my way to work I would run headlong into one of many bridges along the way. When I saw the effect of the suicide attempt by my soon to be ex on our kids something caused me to seek professional help. I was having problems with this at work and I worked an extremely high pressure job. It became obvious that I couldn't handle the pressure any longer so I retired. The company had a huge party for me which I forgot about and missed it but my mind was not working right and I felt lost most of the time. You see I was at this point "clinically depressed." I am one of hundreds of thousands with like symptoms that have stopped our lives and left us stranded in a place where there is no escape. It's like being held ina jail cell for something we didn't do with not sentence length or even having hope for a pardon. Some do things that get them here but most are innocent and just want their lives back. I am one of many that wants to move forward but the cell walls keep me bound although they be invisible. Mine has cycles it goes through and at present while I have so many good things happening for me I am at the bottom of my cycle. Hopefully this won't last too much longer. When I am on the bottom I have many anxieties and when I am at the top I feel so good I wonder if I really have an issue with depression. But I will always have this disease. Meds make me feel out of touch and very moody. So when I can afford it I use marijuana which have a very calming affect on me. I feel like I am whole again tho it is only temporary. So there are times I cannot afford to get mj so I just let the emotions run their gambit. This is where you as friends and family come in. Most people have never heard what I am about to tell you but for you this is critical in dealing with someone like me. There are things that trigger some very emotional outburst and the thing you need to be aware of is there are trigger words and phrases that set me off when I am at the point of an issue. Certain words and triggers make me act very crazy and out of sorts and when they are said I have a very explosive temper. I have always been a hot head but have by and large kept it under control. The only way you can know what those triggers are is ti remember the reactions you get when you speak them inadvertently. One of the worst ones for me was "you have to" do or say certain things. The worst trigger from an action was when one of my close friends decided after I told him to not get in my face or I would not be responsible for what followed, that he would test me. The look he got when he did scared him so bad he didn't move or make a sound. I don't know how I fought the outburst off as I had a inner fight with myself and when it begin to pass he just sat there not knowing what to do. He now knows I was telling him the truth and since that time he has always been very selective with words and actions when dealing with me. I hate having to live this way and always pray thet God will remove this affliction as I would much rather be a productive person than what some refer to as a ticking time bomb. My real nature is to be kind and help others as much and any way I have at my disposal but I am very limited these days. Thanks to some very special friends that have stood beside me these last several years I feel loved and appreciated. My purpose for writing this is to inform you that these disorders are real and they affect in many ways. There needs to be a whole lot more study done to really find answers and if there is a common link to all the variables. The next time you see someone who may be affected by this disease remember they just want to be loved and appreciated just like you. If you have any questions about me and this disease please feel free to ask but remember be respectful and I will return the same to you!

what they all said!

Hmmm Did you offer him a reach around? He would never forget you if you had? J/k Sometimes we just get lucky and sounds like this was one of those times! Happy for ya dude!

Happy birthday Dirky!

Grats on the mile stone!

So earth is so important to the universe and it is one of the smaller planets yet we in the process of storing energy from a sun that shines on the whole galaxy would drain the sun of all it's energy? Let me see their degrees to make sure they are not trying to hold us energy needy! Here is something else, what about the wind will we in the process of storing energy derived from it destroy the thing that causes it to blow? lol The freakish logic makes no sense even to most morons. Were these researchers dropped on their heads when born or did they ride the short yellow bus? The cliches are endless about being stupid and who in their right mind believe this crap?

El stupido morons!