DEEJAYKEG

German Pilsner or Koelsch is good. Czech Pilsner is also good (they invented it). There are many good IPAs - my favourite is Thornbridge Jaipur. If you're in the States, avoid the mass-produced fizzy muck and, as my learned friend suggests, try some of the micro-brewery products.

What joke? I've made your toast.

For our Canadian friends... It's winter in Ontario And the gentle breezes blow, 70 miles per hour at 52 below! Oh, how I love Ontario When the snow's up to your butt; You take a breath of winter air And your nose is frozen shut. Yes, the weather here is wonderful, You may think I'm a fool. I could never leave Ontario, Cause I'm frozen to the stool.

Is there going to be a formal inquest conducted at which all facts will be presented? I don't know how the system works in the USA. In the meantime, I'd be very wary of accepting rumour and tittle-tattle as fact. If you present an assertion that lies have been told, you ought to identify the source. The BBC analysis of how this tragedy unfolded reports: "He was carrying an assault rifle, thought to have been a Bushmaster AR-15-style rifle, a civilian version of the military's M-16", and that a fourth weapon - a shotgun - was found in a car. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20738998 I've said it before and I'll say it again. Discussion of gun control here and elsewhere is futile. The genie is out of the bottle, for better or for worse.

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?' An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'Whats the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' One more. . .! A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Good luck, Twinkie - wishing you a speedy and complete recovery.

The global police family has suffered some pain in these early days of 2013 - we've lost two officers in North Yorkshire and Derby in recent days. My sincere condolences to you and the family - such a tragic event. I have experienced the notification by Press before and know how shocking it is. The last time was just a few weeks ago when the son of a friend's face was presented to me on this computer screen when I read the BBC News. He'd gone to his company's Christmas party where he'd died following some sort of altercation with door staff employed for the night. We still don't know the full circumstances and shall not till the Coroner's inquest.

Attention Steam lovers! Here's the Steam Box... Forgive me but I have to go and vomit... http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2013/01/the-valve-steam-box-is-real-and-its-currently-at-ces/

UPDATE: £3000 raised in 24 hours! http://www.itv.com/news/update/2013-01-08/gangnam-style-police-video-raises-3-000-om-24-hours/

When you get to a certain age, it is OK to celebrate for six months.

I am so tempted to make a political statement and send all those FUs into the Political Forum...

Truly excellent news, Angel! None of us like being in hospital and, without a doubt, being back among the family will aid his ongoing recovery. Best wishes to you all!

Just shows one can never believe what one reads on the Internet, even here! To me this reads as 1 July 1934 but the web site makes it 7 January 1934. As today isn't in July (if so, it's the coldest one I have known for a very long time!), I guess it must be January... I wished George a Happy Birthday too and I wasn't the only one... Whatever...I'm off for a beer!

Little Josh has suffered brain tumours and is in need of complex care. To help fund this, his friends in Devon & Cornwall Police made a funny video... If you'd like to help Josh, visit http://www.superjosh.co.uk and follow the donation link. http://youtu.be/jhWrCGVMQf8

Very nice, Kansas. Haven't kept aquaria for many years now (my son grew up, we moved house and I disposed of the tanks after rehoming the fish) but it's a fascinating pursuit with a great pay-off for the hard work involved.

I wish one of our more senior combatants a very enjoyable and happy birthday, today! Best wishes for many more and good health and contentment!

Happy Birthday, George! As 'Beer says, just because you get a lot of presents doesn't mean you should feel obliged to share them with us. Hope your day is a blast!

Q.E.D.!

Welcome!

Not the safest country to be travelling in so take care of yourself!

Switzerland has a high rate of death due to firearms for a European country. It is its geography that is its most formidable defence - an invading army would have to negotiate its mountains. Crime is increasing in Switzerland - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_Switzerland They keep their national defence militia weapons at home but minus ammo! See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_politics_in_Switzerland If it works for them, good for them. It doesn't mean their system will work for non-Swiss outside Switzerland.

We have nuts in high places who are saying shit like this should be legalised... People who sell it should be locked away for life.