A Sunday school teacher asked a little boy, "Johnny, where do you think God is this morning?"
the boy confidently replied, "In our bathroom".
the shocked teacher asked, "what on earth makes you say that?"
the boy answered, "'Cause just before I left I heard pa said, "My Lord! How long are you going to be in there?"
Id love to throw a few rounds down range with all these! Nice picture, my grandfather has an authentic luger picked off a german that stilk shoots. I love WW2 guns!
nice collection. I think together we can correct the common misuse of the term "clip" used by many. I am constantly telling folks if they want to use a clip then play medal of honor not COD
Offered to take down a cinder block silo for a local farmer awhile back. I guessed maybe 40 rounds out of my K98 Mauser in the right spot would send it toppling. 195 shots, steel buttplate & tee-shirt, and my shoulder was pummled, hands shaking when it finally heeled over and collapsed.
Springfield Armory M1 Garand (1943), Underwood M1 Carbine (1943), Colt 1911A1 (1943) and Smith & Wesson
M1917 .45 ACP revolver (1917 stiil used in WW2)
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay: you'll walk again and everything; however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. They are roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up. So the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years, and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she play a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
A good friend of mine had a few roommates and a mutual friend of theirs would quite often come over drunk and high. He would eat a bunch and then pass out on a bed. So they kinda got tired of this after about 3 months of this happening 6 out of 7 days a week. So they all made some cookies.. they weren't normal cookies, they were filled with laxative. And so he came home and did the same thing. but he ate the whole batch of laxitive cookies. he went and passed out. You can imagine the rest.
Another prank pulled by them on the same guy. Came in, passed out. He was a super hairy guy, my friend bought some Nair.... they got rid of every hair from neck down to toes. (yes even inside his underwear.) He finally realized he should probably stop passing out at their place..
“My father's best-ever prank (at least by his own description) occurred during his college days, when he lived in a dormitory reserved for engineering students. There was one tenant who didn't quite fit in with everyone else, as evidenced by the way that he would come home drunk every night, stagger through the halls, and scream profanities at anyone unlucky enough to encounter him.
He was also, it was discovered, the only non-engineering student in residence, and nobody was entirely sure how he had come to be housed in the building. One way or another, he was a nuisance. So, on April Fools' Day, my father and his friends decided to teach that guy a lesson.
With the cooperation of the entire floor, they strung a series of speakers together in sequence, so that adjusting the L/R balance on a stereo unit would make the sound move up and down the length of the building.
Then, they removed all of the lights in the hallway, leaving only the sinister red glow of the exit sign as illumination. Finally, they acquired a novelty record, which they queued to play a very special sound effect.
When the drunkard returned home that evening, he was greeted by a long, dark hallway and an ominous, eerie silence. According to my father, the guy mumbled to himself in confusion for a moment before beginning to stumble in the direction of his room.
Then, from in the distance, there came a barely-audible sound. As it increased in volume, it became recognizable as a train, blowing its whistle as if in warning of some dire calamity. The inebriate faltered in his course, wondering aloud (and with obvious concern) what exactly was going on.
The sound of the train grew further in volume, to almost deafening levels. The drunk - now visibly panicking - began to shout for help. Finally, just as it sounded like the train was bearing down... my father's friend came running around the corner with a flashlight taped to his head.
Legend has it that the drunkard awoke in the hallway the next morning, unaware of why he had soiled himself, but intensely suspicious of the toy locomotive that was clutched in his hand.”
"Been waiting for a chance to tell this one for a while now. During college, my friends and I had a classmate who was gullible beyond belief. We'll call her Fiona O'Rourke. She would believe anything you said with a straight face.
Anyway, at one point she borrowed my roommate's laptop to do some work, and forgot to log out of her email before she returned it. Mistake. My roommate began using her email account, to send her foreboding messages.
From herself. From the future. And she bought it. Well, mostly. She was suspicious, at least. Emails from the future weren't a thing, right? Right? My roommate and I assured her that it could be done.
We'd read a website about it recently, it was really cool, we'd have to show her, come to the library in an hour and we'll show you. During the next hour I got on wikipedia and cobbled together a completely bullsh*t article on Reverse Temporal Messaging, complete with elaborate equations stolen from the Black Hole wiki page.
To top it off, one of the article's final references was to the woman who had discovered Reverse Temporal Messaging, 60 years from now. Dr. Fiona O'Rourke. Fiona had never heard of wikipedia, and the color drained from her face as she read the article.
Her world collapsed as she read her own name at the end. 'Fiona O'Rourke? So I'll never get married?' We lost it.'"
"Buddy of mine makes candles and blends scents and I had him help me for one. I was living with a roommate and his girlfriend at the time and she loved candles so I went to my buddy and we made a nice big vanilla scented one.
Right in the middle we injected a couple puddles of this liquid a_* mix that he made. Soon after it was made I moved out and left the candle as a 'gift'. About 2 weeks later I called the ex roommate about something unrelated.
He mentioned he was waiting for the plumbers to come by cause the whole house just reeked of sh_t. I had sorta forgotten about the candle by this point and confessed so he wouldn't have to pay the plumbers for no reason.
Even went over the next day to help air the place out and it was awful. I've bought them a big candle every year for xmas though. 8 years and they haven't lit one yet."
"My husband and I were doing this thing for a while where we would try to 'get' one another with a sneaky middle finger. You know, 'oh, I have something for you.' And you pull a bird out if your pocket.
Sh_t like that. He was also on this trip where he liked to pants me randomly. One day I was driving home from work and saw a pair of underwear with a middle finger on the butt. I bought a pair, drove home, ran and changed into them before he saw, and put my jeans back on.
I start doing the dishes hoping for the best. He walks up and, f*_k yeah, he pulls my pants down and is hauling off to spank me and is stopped dead in his tracks, speechless. I won and both games ended that night."
Went to Cardiff yesterday to see Jean Michel Jarre in concert, my fifth time seeing him live and managed to fulfil one of my bucket list items...
After 30 years of listening to his music, watching his concerts on VHS, DVD & Blu-Ray, seeing him perform live in London x 2, Paris & Normandy and finally a dream has come true, I got to meet the great man himself after the show!!
(Which for some reason the uploader wants to load like this!!)
We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.
tje524 got a reaction from hxtr in pranks