Dogg

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
To which the man replied, “No sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Redneck said, “I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.”
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!”

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
To which the man replied, “No sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Redneck said, “I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.”
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!”

A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
To which the man replied, “No sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Redneck said, “I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.”
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!”

A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “¨”Of course child. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday; I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris ... But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. So take care.
Signed,
You’re Rich As Hell & Free Ex-Husband!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “¨”Of course child. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday; I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris ... But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. So take care.
Signed,
You’re Rich As Hell & Free Ex-Husband!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “¨”Of course child. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday; I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris ... But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. So take care.
Signed,
You’re Rich As Hell & Free Ex-Husband!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “¨”Of course child. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday; I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris ... But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. So take care.
Signed,
You’re Rich As Hell & Free Ex-Husband!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday; I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris ... But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. So take care.
Signed,
You’re Rich As Hell & Free Ex-Husband!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

I'll take a large with everything except anchovies
By the way Hi!!!!
 

I'll take a large with everything except anchovies
By the way Hi!!!!
 

I'll take a large with everything except anchovies
By the way Hi!!!!
 

I'll take a large with everything except anchovies
By the way Hi!!!!
 

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."