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Posted

Sorry for all the jokes and funny pictures 
It seems that I post too much and some people do not like that. 
So, create a topic with Judge jokes and LITTLE Storys

 

 

EVERYONE LOVES JOKES BUT 12+ SEPARATE POSTS ON JOKES IN THE SPACE OF MINUTES SPAMS OUR WEBSITE,I ASKED IF YOU WOULD MAKE THEM UNDER ONE FORUM VIA PM AND YOU HAVE MANY THANKS....ROCKAPE>XI<ADM


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Posted

Calculating Farmer

There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, 'I am sorry but I have some bad news - the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.'

Ahmed replies, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

'Can't do that,' burrs the farmer, 'I went out and spent it already.'

Ahmed sighs, 'OK just unload the donkey anyway.'

Farouk then asks, 'What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an' that?' I'll raffle him off,' laughs Ahmed. 

The farmer exclaimed, 'Aargh, you can't raffle off a dead donkey.'

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, 'Sure I can. Watch. Just don't tell anyone the donkey is dead.'

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks, 'Whatever happened to that dead donkey?'

Ahmed answers, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.'

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, 'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?'

'The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,' chuckled Ahmed, 'so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.'



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Posted

Old Podgy - Prize Rooster


Thomas was a chicken farmer; his farm was dedicated to the fertilized egg business. In his farmyard, Thomas had 450 young hens to lay the eggs. Incidentally, at this stage the female hens are called 'pullets'. Now to fertilise the eggs, which the pullets laid, Thomas had 12 male birds called roosters.

The farmer kept careful records, and any rooster that didn't perform went straight into the cooking pot and a replacement introduced. Thomas found this task time consuming, so he bought a dozen tiny bells and attached one to each of his roosters. Cunningly, each bell had a different ring tone so Thomas could tell from from the comfort of his porch, which rooster was performing.

So now Thomas could sit on his rocking chair and tick the boxes on his efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was Old Podgy, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Thomas noticed Old Podgy's bell hadn't rung at all! Thomas went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, their bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer Thomas's amazement, Old Podgy had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Thomas was so proud of Old Podgy, he entered him in the Worcester County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result... The judges not only awarded Old Podgy the No Bell Piece Prize, but also they awarded him the Pulletsurprise!



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Posted

Boyfriend v Computer Husband Software

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0.  What I have noticed is a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications, which had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.  In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as Sport 7.3, NFL 3.2 and Tennis 4.1.  Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Your faithfully

 

Desperate Susan



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Posted

want to be whore!!!!!!!!! can i post here?



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Posted
Judge |NL - The only place where Judge Post
Sorry for all the jokes and funny pictures 

It seems that I post too much and some people do not like that. 

So, create a topic with Judge jokes and LITTLE Storys

WHAT!!!! who does not like that?

 

Keep posting!!!!!!!!



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Posted
hxtr
Judge |NL - The only place where Judge Post
Sorry for all the jokes and funny pictures 

It seems that I post too much and some people do not like that. 

So, create a topic with Judge jokes and LITTLE Storys

WHAT!!!! who does not like that?

 

Keep posting!!!!!!!!

 lol, post as much as you want :)



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Posted

Where are all the funny stories I've posted today?? 

Miss a lot:?

 



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Posted

Reassess Your Computer Interactions

It's time to reassess your relationship with your computer when .....

  1. You wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop at the computer to check your email on the way back to bed.
  2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
  4. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
  5. When you hand-write a note and think... SPELL CHECKER'!
  6. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
  7. When your computer's email box shows 'no new messages' and you feel really depressed.
  8. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have non-descript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
  9. Your family always knows where you are.
  10. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say 'LOL, LOL'
  11. If your computer's internet connection goes down, you cannot settle to any other tasks.
  12. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!


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Posted

270455_207627495955567_100001249544365_651465_3814398_s.jpg

I'm on vacation and am only concerned with the placement of story on the forum. 

I lie here just to get all the writing



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Posted

Computer Dating: Disappointments

Computer Dating for Dogs



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Posted
Judge |NL

Calculating Farmer

There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, 'I am sorry but I have some bad news - the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.'

Ahmed replies, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

'Can't do that,' burrs the farmer, 'I went out and spent it already.'

Ahmed sighs, 'OK just unload the donkey anyway.'

Farouk then asks, 'What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an' that?' I'll raffle him off,' laughs Ahmed. 

The farmer exclaimed, 'Aargh, you can't raffle off a dead donkey.'

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, 'Sure I can. Watch. Just don't tell anyone the donkey is dead.'

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks, 'Whatever happened to that dead donkey?'

Ahmed answers, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.'

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, 'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?'

'The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,' chuckled Ahmed, 'so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.'

hhhhhmmmm , good thinking



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Posted
Judge |NL

Calculating Farmer

There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, 'I am sorry but I have some bad news - the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.'

Ahmed replies, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

'Can't do that,' burrs the farmer, 'I went out and spent it already.'

Ahmed sighs, 'OK just unload the donkey anyway.'

Farouk then asks, 'What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an' that?' I'll raffle him off,' laughs Ahmed. 

The farmer exclaimed, 'Aargh, you can't raffle off a dead donkey.'

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, 'Sure I can. Watch. Just don't tell anyone the donkey is dead.'

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks, 'Whatever happened to that dead donkey?'

Ahmed answers, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.'

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, 'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?'

'The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,' chuckled Ahmed, 'so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.'

AHAHAHA



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Posted
Judge |NL

Boyfriend v Computer Husband Software

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0.  What I have noticed is a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications, which had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.  In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as Sport 7.3, NFL 3.2 and Tennis 4.1.  Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Your faithfully

 

Desperate Susan

Do what most most woman do ..... AHAHAHA



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Posted
Judge |NL

Reassess Your Computer Interactions

It's time to reassess your relationship with your computer when .....

  1. You wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop at the computer to check your email on the way back to bed.
  2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
  4. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
  5. When you hand-write a note and think... SPELL CHECKER'!
  6. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
  7. When your computer's email box shows 'no new messages' and you feel really depressed.
  8. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have non-descript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
  9. Your family always knows where you are.
  10. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say 'LOL, LOL'
  11. If your computer's internet connection goes down, you cannot settle to any other tasks.
  12. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

LOL, LOL



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Posted

FUNNY STUFF



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Posted
zapped
Judge |NL

Reassess Your Computer Interactions

It's time to reassess your relationship with your computer when .....

  1. You wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop at the computer to check your email on the way back to bed.
  2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
  4. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
  5. When you hand-write a note and think... SPELL CHECKER'!
  6. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
  7. When your computer's email box shows 'no new messages' and you feel really depressed.
  8. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have non-descript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
  9. Your family always knows where you are.
  10. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say 'LOL, LOL'
  11. If your computer's internet connection goes down, you cannot settle to any other tasks.
  12. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

LOL, LOL

LOL, LOL, i have to forward it to a friend immediately Laughing

Awards


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Posted

Actual Calls to Computer Technical Support Reps

Get the right computer - 1

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, You've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah....

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

 

Get the right computer - 2

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...



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Posted

Change of Mind


Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'

Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'



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Posted

Step 1...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it into the computer yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....



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Posted

Amusing Password Logic

 

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.



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Posted

Funny stuff here Judge.  Dont stop posting it up. Makes other folks day .



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Posted

Touch and Go

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

 

Circular argument

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

Local difficulty

Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.

Advisor: Has he forgotten it?

Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.

Language difficulty

Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America' ? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net' ?' 

Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net' . It's spelled normally.'

Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???' 

Tech Support: 'A as in apple' Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'

No comment

Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?



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Posted

Dial Tone

Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?' 

Customer: 'Yes.'

Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?' 

Customer: Malcolm

Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.

Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.' 

Customer: 'Again?'

Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.

Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?' 

Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'



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Posted

Funny shit Judge. Nobody can tell you to quit posting anything. There area few things that do get annoying but this is a almost free website. Unless Rugger pulls your plug, then don't worry about what other people think. And if Rugger is pulling your plug then enjoy it. I heard that he does like reach arounds. That may get you posting again.

The story about the donkey and the husband computer shit was great. Good thinking. You must be bored as hell on vacation. Find some rich widow and have fun, instead of spending your time with us. Damn enjoy life a little bit.


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