DEEJAYKEG

Welcome to the forums! I like Cheshire - we've spent a lot of time on the canals up there in the last ten years.

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very Interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further . As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine......... Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke. (you're going to love this) "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One British Royal Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Royal Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again: "One Royal Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence. Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of the bastards."

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" He said "No!”, trying to hide his arousal. She said ...... "Check the garage."

-- A man received the following text from his neighbour: “I am so sorry Fred. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. "I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again.” The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: “Bloody autospell! I meant "Wi-Fi", not "wife" . . . . ..”

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you. " The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

I think he wants to do something like this, though the server admin in the video here had been drinking... http://youtu.be/LSUAAKFLoL0?t=1m55s

The air is a bit thin up here...

Rocket man! http://social.xfire.com/videos/632e0e

Earthquakes too?! What have you people been up to? It's beginning to look a little biblical... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-31482906

Here's some footage from 1968. Our interceptor aircraft have changed, theirs haven't...

BBC News: "RAF jets were scrambled on Wednesday after two Russian military aircraft were seen off the Cornwall coast, the Ministry of Defence says. The Russian Bear bombers were escorted from the UK area of interest, but did not enter sovereign airspace, it said." Full article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-31530840 I'll bet they only wanted to find out if the place @@maverick keeps going on about actually existed...

An interesting further article about THC vs CBD. The latter has some potential pharmaceutical uses. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-31518546

Johnny, we have conversed so I have to ask... Who has certified you sane? JK, my friend! Truly!

Maybe, but how do you know what you get? That's the kind of Russian Roulette that cost many heroin users their lives over here recently. Have a few puffs and lose your mind forever - what a "miracle" drug!

How do we know that? Lots of cannabis abusers smear cannabis oil down a cigarette, many other crumble resin into handrolling tobacco. I don't believe in my thirty years of contact with druggies that I ever encountered a "non-smoking" cannabis user. They were always badgering me for "papers"!

Are we including road traffic casualties perchance?

Oh yeah! You are going to love this one... http://youtu.be/fP3HJVp3n9c

You're entitled to your opinion but in the absence of any facts or scientific papers to support it, it remains just that. The fact that, in their determined efforts to get us all to drink less, the authorities do not tout psychosis as a likely outcome, indicates to me that the risk of bringing it on by having a few beers is non-existent. Skunk can, therefore, be described as immeasurably more harmful than "booze"!

I thought it important to share today's BBC News article with you as it confirms previous studies on the links between cannabis use and mental illness, specifically psychosis. That 24% of new patients' illness is confirmed as linked to cannabis abuse is a serious issue, for the UK at least. You'll see that the report highlights "skunk" as the culprit. I know posting this is unlikely to dissuade those who already use the stuff from continuing to do so but, if it makes just one impressionable young person pause to think before starting, it'd have achieved something. Be careful with your mental health - a broken mind cannot always be cured. Read the article here:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-31480234

We do share something in common with Liechtenstein, SOB... and old Imperial Germany too!

The melody was composed by Austrian Joseph Haydn in 1797. http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/159893/Deutschlandlied [Edit to correct typo.]

I've been a drinker of wine for decades, an admirer of women for longer, a student of history for a long time and of music too so it was a true delight, this evening, to discover that the national anthem of the United States of America is, in fact, sung to the tune of an 18th Century English drinking song. The original lyrics are: To Anacreon in Heaven, where he sat in full glee, A few Sons of Harmony sent a petition; That he their Inspirer and Patron wou'd be; When this answer arrived from the Jolly Old Grecian; "Voice, Fiddle, and Flute, No longer be mute, I'll lend you my name and inspire you to boot, And besides I'll instruct you like me, to intwine, The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine!" I also had not realised that The Star Spangled Banner was only adopted in 1931! So, enjoy the music and consider how something impressive was born of a humble drinking song. Also, the story suggests patience. Sometimes, one has to wait 150 years for the right tune to come along... CHEERS AMERICA! Source: http://www.colonialmusic.org/resources/faq-s/44-was-the-star-spangled-banner-really-an-old-drinking-song

BBC: "Danish police say the gunman believed to have attacked a free-speech debate and a Copenhagen synagogue was 22, born in Denmark and known to them because of past violence. The presumed gunman was shot and killed early on Sunday morning by police who were monitoring an address in the Norrebro district of the city." http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-31480921