DEEJAYKEG

Seven perfect put-downs for people celebrating Christmas too early... http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2014/12/02/7-perfect-putdowns-to-say-to-people-celebrating-christmas-too-early/

Don't forget to patch it before you try to connect to the servers. Install each in order. http://www.xtremeidiots.com/files/category/4-call-of-duty-5/ (Edit to insert URL)

Pleased that Rugger has confirmed it was a silly ****in' question to ask in the first place, Joe!

+1 BB! I am viewed almost like Scrooge by those who see this holy season as an excuse for little else beyond over-indulgence and a shopping orgy. If we have needs rather than wants, we seek to satisfy them when they are revealed. The season is an opportunity to be charitable and focus on the real meaning of Christmas when we remember the greatest Gift given to Mankind. We look after the young and the old but don't even buy each other greatly costly presents. I like this site: http://www.adventconspiracy.org/ Enjoy a blessed Advent!

Here's an explanation of ping for you. A more realistic expectation could be the high 200s for a 32,000km round-trip, perhaps? http://royal.pingdom.com/2007/06/01/theoretical-vs-real-world-speed-limit-of-ping/

Three men got married. The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees...

Pud's problem was that Quicktime had messed up his Adobe Flash Player. What are the symptoms? Are any error messages displayed?

Does this help? http://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/windows_vista-hardware/blue-screen-error-1033/99e0417d-3478-4c8b-8182-b40ec17e4573

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong.. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex..

The latest deadly alien to turn up here is the Australian Redback! http://www.kentonline.co.uk/dartford/news/rare-deadly-spider-found-in-27787/ There have been several finds of the Brazilian Wandering Spider too - mostly in/from imported bananas. We have lots of spiders in our home and habitually shake clothing and towels before using them. My wife went nuts one day when a Mediterranean Wasp Spider found its way up the inside of her jeans! They can bite but are not poisonous.

I have had to devote a great deal of time (too much indeed) reinstalling and fixing another game that I enjoy. Be assured that I have not "left" COD5 and the stickies are still sticky!

Very sad news. Condolences to all her family and friends.

It is a UK record-holder being the shortest ever track (36 seconds) to enter the singles charts here.

Incorrect! I've tracked it down at last! Running BF4.exe and BF4_X86.exe as administrator fixes the connection problem! Now who'd have guessed that?!

Yes. Thank you for your interest. The reinstallation completed about 6.20am today, after about 40 hours. The early signs were not encouraging as I was prompted immediately to "repair" a fresh install! Nearly four hours later and I am still unable to connect to any server from the battlelog. The second repair is currently ongoing, after which I will have run out of options/ suggestions from EA. You name it, I have updated it! Plug-ins are active and having temporarily disabled the PC's firewall (even though that was set to allow the relevant programs), I can discount that as having any relevance. There is no hardware firewall active on the modem-router so forget UDP ports being blocked... Origin has been disabled in-game as EA suggests. If it is a small comfort, I am just one of many experiencing this - the latest patch seems to have forced lots of people offline and they are scrabbling about in search of a fix. If I'm not in the game in about 40 minutes, it really is adios time!

69% of Dragons Teeth done then just three more DLCs to come down the wire. About 15-16 hours left now, I guess, so I may be able to play tomorrow morning! If I think I have problems, the PS3 owners' are worse as they haven't been able to download the final DLC! So EA/DICE is upsetting the console players too?

The main game is back on and Final Stand is almost there so 16-20 hours more should do it...

RIP Jimmy Ruffin

If only 2% of the 7 million people who bought this piece of s**t in the first place are still playing it daily, as server monitoring suggests (across all formats, not just PC), I would consider that it is highly likely that those of you fortunate enough not to have experienced any problems with Brokenfield are in the extreme minority. Having, today, found the modest gains in performance that actually helped me rejoin the action, reversed by DICE's patch, I have taken the nuclear option and wiped the bloody program from my system along with Origin and Punkbuster. My research indicates that there are a great many of us suffering identical issues with no clear resolution published. Flush, the actual number of PC players on servers daily does not approach 100,000 worldwide and yes, my machine met and exceeded the minimum spec to install BF4 else I would not have spent a significant sum on buying the bloody game in the first place! Reinstallation of the game over my 3Mbps line should take around 24-36 hours so you may see me back at some stage, but not soon.

Hint: Get yourself a pal in the Russian armoured division! http://youtu.be/ul4BJGEw4Ro

We were given the opportunity to purchase one of the poppies planted at The Tower and decided to do so. They are being removed, checked and cleaned prior to being sent out to purchasers. Millions have been raised for several forces charities.

You don't f***in' need one as we all know by now! LOL!

Policeman on horse vs idiot (Baltic States?) on bike - who wins?