MTNMAN52

On the morning Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit an aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.... I said to him, "You dumb shit! - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

So sorry Pete my Prayers are with you and your family....

Two rednecks are sitting on the front porch. e One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?" "Aw crap..," says his friend. "I just joined the VFW!"

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.' >> >> >> I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things >> commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT >> the correct answers. >> >> >> A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about >> the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'. >> >> I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the >> bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you're still black'. >> Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that! >> >> >> A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man >> passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this >> morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father >> O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last >> ting on my mind at the moment.' >> >> >> Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. >> But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon >> sandwich works best! >> >> Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic >> shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman >> with her mouth closed. >> >> I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you >> could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.' >> >> >> Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a >> farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks >> back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit! >> >> >> I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last >> question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the >> curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they >> wanted the name of a country? >> >> >> I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone >> off is a piece of cake.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare,“It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose,isn't it?” And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

WOW http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=QZXYOo_qk2E

Funny http://www.flixxy.com/the-paperless-future-emma.htm#.UT6BwRk1us0

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg." I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists? A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening". The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back. At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!! One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. I t appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either. There's a new Muslim clothing shop in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets. You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools. Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard. A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache." The Red Cross just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

WOW!!!!! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/07/wake-up-pranks-compilation_n_2828258.html?1362668652&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D281439

Welcome Aboard.....

As a bagpiper, I've played many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing.

I just did it too....Last time i got it cut or shaved was last october....lol. My wife has been after me for a long time......

Good Stuff

Presentation is the key

Thanks Guys

HAPPY WINTER EVERYONE!

GAME LOOKS GOOD...i NEVER HEARD OF IT...

I was going through some old pictures the other day and I found this one. I can't believe how young my mom was. I can't believe how young my mom was.

Happy B Day LaBob

Happy Birthday Hogan..Hope u Had a Great Day

Happy B Day...Cheers...Snafu