JohnnyDos

Me too.

And maybe some of them can't come here to Canada.

I see the bird,sitting on her right. :rolleyes:

> > Object: Some laughs here ! > > > > I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. > > People get out of the way much faster now. > > > > Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. > > Now they drink like their fathers. > > > > You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? > > That's common sense leaving your body. > > > > I didn't make it to the gym today. > > That makes five years in a row. > > > > I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. > > I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. > > > > Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. > > We haven't met yet. > > > > Old age is coming at a really bad time. > > > > When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. > > Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. > > > > The biggest lie I tell myself is, > > "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." > > > > I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." > > I'm just very wise. > > > > Teach your daughter how to shoot, > > because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. > > > > If God wanted me to touch my toes, > > he would've put them on my knees. > > > > Why do I have to press one for English > > when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? > > > > Of course I talk to myself; > > sometimes I need expert advice. > > > > At my age "Getting lucky" means > > walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

RETIRE WHERE? You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? OR You can retire to California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought. OR You can retire to New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn (if you have a car). 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. OR You can retire to Minnesota where... 1. You only have four spices -- salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for casserole. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. OR You can retire to the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's Important to know the difference, too. OR You can retire to Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the assisted living center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. OR You can retire to the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was Different!" OR FINALLY You can retire to Florida where... 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

The Firm were a British rock supergroup comprising former Free and Bad Company singer Paul Rodgers, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, and Manfred Mann's Earth Band and Uriah Heep drummer Chris Slade and bass player Tony Franklin. Page and Rodgers originally wanted former Yes drummer Bill Bruford and fretless bassist Pino Palladino in the group; however, Bruford was contracted to another label and Palladino had tour commitments with singer Paul Young. Both Page and Rodgers refused to play any material from their former bands and instead opted for a selection of Firm songs plus tracks from both their solo albums. The new songs were heavily infused with a soulful and more commercially accessible sound, courtesy of Franklin's fretless bass guitar underpinning an understated song structure. Despite refusing to play old material, the last track from The Firm, "Midnight Moonlight", was originally an unreleased Led Zeppelin song entitled "The Swan Song". This caused some critics[who?] to believe that Page had begun to run out of ideas. In subsequent press interviews, Page had indicated that the band were never meant to last more than two albums. After the band split, Page and Rodgers returned to solo work while Chris Slade joined AC/DC and Franklin teamed up with guitarist John Sykes in Blue Murder.

Made me sad DeeJay,cause I just had to put my dog down last month,she had bladder cancer.

Whatever you got 7Toes,GOOD LUCK. :thumbup:

That's HiLHarryious Weezer,Rugger Toilet Paper.

Shortly it will become compulsory for senior citizens to carry not only their ID, but also their insurance documents, their prescription list, a compact version of their medical file, the statement declaring if they want to be resuscitated after a heart attack, stroke, etc. etc. Consequently, a lot of paperwork will have to be carried when a senior citizen goes out the front door OR When they Travel! Specifically for this purpose, a special "Senior USB Stick" has been developed. Take a look below....

Oh I forgot about pirates,thanks LaBob.

I'm in, I'm always in and sure I wpuld like to see a sample preview.I'm in need of a new hat also.No "Skulls" please,we're not a biker gang.Colour assortment also,so let the artist begin.

96-year-old Leap Year baby turns 24.

And with dedicated servers. In the announcement of Battalion 1944, the developers stated that the game will feature dedicated servers while making use of certain anti-cheat measures.[5] The online portion of the game will be heavily skill-based and the developers assured that any unlockables will not give competitive edges to players

Widen your knowledge In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.' ------------ Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. ... And thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------ The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------ Coca-Cola was originally green.. ------------ It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: £ 10,120.00 ------------ The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer. ------------ Each King in a deck of playing cards represents a great King from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ------------ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ------------ Q..... If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? A... One thousand ------------ Q.... What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? A... All were invented by women. ------------ Q... What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A... Honey ------------ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight' ------------ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's Father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ------------ In English pubs, Ale is ordered by pints and quarts.... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. It's where we get the phrase: 'Mind your P's and Q's.' ------------ Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ''Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ------------ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! ------------ Don't delete the following just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. > I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? ------------ YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2015 when... 1... You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2... You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years. 3... You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.. 4... You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5... Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6... You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone, to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries... 7... Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen 8... Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic, and you turn around to go and get it 10. You get up in the morning and go on line, before getting your coffee 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding, and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no 9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a 9 on this list.

​Unbelievable!!!!!! They seem to have no fear and enjoy what they are doing. YOU AREN'T GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!!! WOW!!!! Enjoy. Apparently they only do this in Australia. They don't tour because it costs too much to transport these highly trained and valuable animals. It takes about 2 years to train one giraffe to feel comfortable in the water, and then another 3 or4 years to get them to dive. They also train them using only the reward system, unlike other animal exhibitions where they use harsh techniques. High Diving Giraffes https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/nPrWo5pEvyk?rel=0

Chuck sat in the barber's chair, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine..." The barber began to lather his face, while a woman with the biggest, Firmest, most beautiful real breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. Chuck said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that." The man said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him; you're closer." ET VOILÀ

TAX REFUND CANADA After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format: Q. What is a tax refund payment? A. It’s money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka . * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China . * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala . * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .. * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in Canada by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to hockey games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating) Conclusion, to really benefit Canada: Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

I paid $40 Canadian,today shows $57 CA. and pre-loading Beta so I can be ready Friday.