A Man's Age

[DEEJAYKEG]

A Man's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

 

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing

the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever

. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old

work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the

crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of

tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement

project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to

help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 20's :

 

 

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,

brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the

mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never

know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout

lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 30's:

 

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.

You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and

comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot

of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the

register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 40's :

 

 

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to

cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a

hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so

you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check

yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy

young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel

weird thinking she is spicy.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 50's :

 

Stop what you are doing. Put a on a hat, wipe the dirt off your hands

onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo

in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not

to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie

running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you

still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's

Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 60's :

 

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog

doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your

50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in

your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't

have your glasses on so you are not sure.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 70's :

 

 

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store

has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on

your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you

remind her of her grandfather.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 80's :

 

 

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember

you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander

around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and

you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old

lady who greeted you at the front door.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In your 90's & beyond:

 

What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I?

Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

[JohnnyDos]

That pretty much sums it up DeeJay.LOL  On some of those I would've stopped  grab a beer and that's it for the afternoon.