Object: Some laughs here !

[JohnnyDos]

> > Object: Some laughs here !
> >
> > I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
> > People get out of the way much faster now.
> >
> > Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
> > Now they drink like their fathers.
> >
> > You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
> > That's common sense leaving your body.
> >
> > I didn't make it to the gym today.
> > That makes five years in a row.
> >
> > I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.
> > I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
> >
> > Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
> > We haven't met yet.
> >
> > Old age is coming at a really bad time.
> >
> > When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment.
> > Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
> >
> > The biggest lie I tell myself is,
> > "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
> >
> > I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights."
> > I'm just very wise.
> >
> > Teach your daughter how to shoot,
> > because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
> >
> > If God wanted me to touch my toes,
> > he would've put them on my knees.
> >
> > Why do I have to press one for English
> > when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
> >
> > Of course I talk to myself;
> > sometimes I need expert advice.
> >
> > At my age "Getting lucky" means
> > walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

[AyaqGuyaq]

LMAO, Johnny.  I especially liked the "gun-shot horn" and "procrastinator support group" bits.  Ayaq