BigPapaDean

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,’ I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?’ I asked. 'The patch.' 'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name, AND FINALLY!! 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .. ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' Dr. Wouldn't submit his name.... 1 MORE Baby's First Doctor Visit This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'

Hey guys ya'll don't understand! She had them in the OVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just leave them as they are and they will always run fast and cool and smooth!

Looks like fun to me!

It appears you have left out a huge part of the world's population in you invitation! Oh how I love pulled pork!!!

I will be home with my son but Christmas Eve we will be at my daughters and my eldest son with his new spouse will be there too!

lol

lmao too funny regardless!

Happy birthday!!! Have a fabulantastic day!

Happy birthday!!!

Enjoy that grand baby!

LMAO I needed this laugh Thanks Johnny!

with one thought as he finished his job! Now if only TBB's damned camel would copulate all over .....

here comes one of the camels TBB ordered with his member swinging back and forth and he was so excited to see Chile bent over he stumbled and......

I also heard he was importing Moose to try their piss! He thinks it is an aphrodisiac!

Happy birthday!!!!

hxtr you need a man hug! I hear TBB wants a chance with you!

In case you hadn't noticed you have shiny lips in the parlor! Makes me wander how long you were there! lol! Oh BTW now I am thirsty too! lol

Grats Wild!

Who ends up breaking the fucking thing and decides he will go get Rugger a mechanical member and weld it on him. Well Rugger said....

but instead of attaching the member he started sniffing the glue! Well then he thought the member was a.......

All that SHIT(literally) he found along the side of his new ornament! Then he decided to....

But when he tried out he found he was much to tall because there was a misprint on the add for try outs! Then he decided to.....

Then to his surprise the doll comes alive with big long fangs dripping with......