RobMc

My God am I out of touch?, I have tears in my eyes at reading of all my old friends now dead and I never knew? May they all rest in peace, I played many happy hours with a lot of them, and great friends they were.

A “Salesman Wanted” sign was in the window so Murphy went in and told the boss, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j- joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment.” Murphy replied, "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k- kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" "OK, here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." Murphy came back an hour later and said, "H-here-sss your m-m-money." The boss was impressed, so he gave Murphy a dozen more Bibles and two hours later Murphy said, "Her- ers y-yooour m-m-money." The boss said, "Brilliant! You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said Murphy, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H- Hel-Hello, M-m- maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?’"

To my favourite dang chew toy, buy what you can afford, take no notice of reviews and gadgets, if possible actually look at one. I'm guessing on past experience you'll prefer 'big ones' but remember where it's got to go and how far you sit from it.

I love curves??

Unfortunately, despite the title, this is not raw truth is it?? it's a film NOT a documentary, there is a very big difference.

Mr SensitiveRobMc The Sensitive Man A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?' She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Great help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

You sound so good saying that

You're only jealous that the girls love Rob

xxxoooxxx

Since it started snowing, all grandma Dot has done is stare through the window. If the snow gets any worse we may need to let her back in. After a long day of Christmas shopping in big city Brussels, Essie was driving home on a cold lonely country road when she saw an elderly woman walking along the side. Essie stopped and asked the woman if she would like a lift. With a silent nod, the woman climbed into the car. Essie tried in vain to make conversation with the woman, but was unsuccessful. The old woman looked closely at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a red gift bag on the seat next to Essie. "What's in the bag?" asked the woman. Essie responded, "It's a bottle of whiskey that I got for Bio." The old woman was silent for a moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade." Pia was reminiscing and said, "When I was a little kid, my dad would swear and then say 'Excuse my French'. Then one day my 3rd grade teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language, so I raised my hand."

Whoops How are you old man?? lol

Don't forget to mention which game you forgetful old man Anyway you're powered by smoke not steam

I used to be sent to the corner store for my grandfather with the request for some 'Old Shag'? Must have been politically correct in those days?? unless it was a request from him for 'favours'?

As a young lad Simon asked Grandpa Sullivan, "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?" "Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So Simon begins drinking coffee and doing the same. 90 years pass and Simon finally dies having reached the age of 102. He left behind 5 kids, 18 grandkids, 43 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium Old Dot says, “If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but…” Old Budman was reminiscing about the good old days. "When I was a boy, my mother would send me with $1.00 to the corner store. I'd come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and a dozen eggs. You just can't do that today...too many security cameras."

Well some years ago I asked if anyone had had any 'close encounters' and it turned out quite a few had. Now with the US disclosing their unexplained, the release of a new documentary and general interest I was going to run a poll. Somewhere along the lines of do you believe in aliens Yes/No/Unsure, but not now being a member it won't let me, go on do it for me.

Mary Kate Danaher, a spry 85-year-old widow, went on a blind date with Sean Thornton, a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, her daughter thought that her mother seemed rather upset. “What happened?” the daughter asked. “You look as if you are upset after your date.” “I had to slap his face three times!” Mary Kate replied. “You mean he got fresh with you?” the daughter asked. “No, not at all, I thought the old codger was dead!” Sean and Mary are their 70’s; they have been courting and are discussing marriage. Mary says, “I want to keep my house.” Sean replied, “That’s fine with me.” Mary says, “I want to keep my Cadillac.” Sean replies, “That’s also fine with me.” Mary then adds, “I want to have sex 6 days a week.” Sean replies, “Put me down for Wednesday”. Two elderly friends, Dot and Pia, hadn’t seen each other in a while, but met while shopping. Dot inquired, “And how is your husband?” “Oh! Richard died last week.” He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” Dot was shocked by the news and said, “Oh dear! I am so very sorry. What did you do?” Pia replied, “I opened a can of peas instead.”

Maybe you owned a frog ???????

With Christmas round the corner it reminded me of last years works party They played the twist I did the twist They played the bump I did the bump They played Come on Eileen I got tossed out??

On a more serious note buddy those pictures are fantastic, get any of 3I/Atlas?? You are just the man to put up my alien poll for me

Bit like Viagra eh?

A little boy about 13 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the Dose that I just caught." "When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it." "In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap ... and HE'S the bastard who stood on my frog!"

Yo

I'd heard you do a great drag act?

Rob, the ultimate Lounge Lizard