RobMc

I've talked about this a few years ago, about if we believed in aliens or not, there were some interesting answers. A new documentary is being released 'The age of disclosure' which features many high ranking officials talking about the fact we are being watched. In light of some of the videos released in recent years, and the many credible witnesses I'm coming off the fence a little towards belief. However there are still many arguments against it, and a lot of hoaxes going around. So just as a general census of idiots, how many believe in aliens and the fact they are watching us? I'm guessing more than last time, do the following poll if interested. Won't let me post a poll probably because I'm not a member, someone want to do it for me i.e. Do you believe that Aliens visit Earth Yes No Unsure

Hey I got this wrong, my greatest fear isn't a shark it's a @Sharpe fckr Someone buy him a blunt knife for Christmas

Paddy says, “Hey Mick, I found this pen, is it yours?” Mick replies, “I don’t know; let me have it so I can give it a go.” He tries it and says, “Yes it is, thanks Paddy.” Paddy asks him, “How can you be so sure?” Mick replies, “Dats easy, I’d recognise my handwriting anywhere.”

OMG you have pictures of @Essssieeee as traps??? you cunning carpenter

No need to spend time or money 'experts on riding' are usually the idiots trying to get an early funeral. Take it easy, in your own time and learn how to corner, it comes with practice. Keep an eye on the 'Chicken strips' wear on the tyre towards the outer edge, when it wears to the edge you've made it. Another indicator is when you are so confident you can let go of the handlebars and steer with your knees or weight shift, this comes with spending hours in the saddle, I never owned a car until I was 28, rode every day in all weathers.

Christ?, I thought I lived in a rough area?

Hi @jointz my old woodworking buddy, you've been quiet, bet you've been concentrating on some new projects?? Some of the idiots tell me you've designed a front door that is impossible to break into, must keep your secret projects safe eh?? that's my boy. A little Birdie also told me you loved gardening and were keen on growing your own plants?, bet you're the envy of your neighbours, all that healthy food. It's lucky you don't smoke with all that timber lying around, must be a fire hazard in some carpenters shops. Now down to business, with Christmas coming I heard that your speciality is getting high, just what I'm looking for, a new highchair for the grandson, make sure that the little fckr can't escape though. Perhaps you could send us both a sample of some of your crops for Christmas Day, I'm sure they're delicious. In fact the wife only yesterday asked me to buy her a present that made her pretty and sexy, can't wait to see her face when she unwraps the three cases of beer under the tree. Let me know the estimate and sharpen your tools, I've a feeling you'll be busy this year, probably sewing mail bags that one idiot said was your new hobby when 'inside' I'm sure though when the weathers fine you like it better outside being a health fanatic? Rob

You're a gent

Three Scots and three American tourists are traveling by train to a football match. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three tourists. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Scotsmen. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed tourists. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Brilliant Bio, how about this (To a background of guitar and wailing voices) ‘One putting in light bulb’ The bulb has gone, Jolene has left Without the light I am bereft My dog he died, fell out the truck This Goddamned music, I’m out of luck ‘Chorus by the remaining five’ He’s out of luck, his heart is broke To see him now is not a joke He loved that light bulb all that time Tossed away when in it’s prime ‘One putting in the light bulb’ Now the Grand Ole Oprey’s in the dark My poor old Hound dog cannot bark Dolly cries in tears and fits A rubbish voice but boy what hits ‘Another 50 verses to drone on after this, followed by the singers suicide’

Before you start Kapt - This is another joke

Aw ??

Ah dogging?? I took the missus the other day, but by the time she'd parked they'd all left ????

I got the distinct impression it was one of two things A/. Starvation and B/. Being locked out of mens toilets? we've had so many photo sessions of both

Please send clubs First seal pups of season born off Northumberland coast as annual survey launched The remote Islands off the Northumberland coast are home one of the largest grey seals colonies with around 3,000 pups born each autumn New

You have an admission Queenie??

Hypnotism at the Care Home It was entertainment night at the Care Home. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light. Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...' The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.......................... 'S**T!' said the hypnotist. It took 3 days to clean up

I can't find the video where on a news programme the weatherman says to the female newscaster ' Here's the 6 inches I promised you last night' live on air, talking about a snowstorm, boy did she laugh.

Anything for you dear, just cast a spell for 6 inches (Oh hold on, wrong spell)

How many Country and Western singers does it take to put in a light bulb? 6, one to put the bulb in and 5 to sing a song about how good the old one was!!

We're all afraid of something, be it dying or getting knifed off MajBasil and forced to leave the clan, my fear is sharks, what's yours??

Well we used to, as a kid I remember my father digging us out of the house to let us go to school, but we haven't had a bad winter since the 80's. I used to keep a small Suzuki jeep fitted with snow/mud tyres to get around in the winter. How times change eh? in the late 80's scientists were predicting a mini ice age, now it's global warming. But typical of the UK we've all gone back to sleep thinking there'll never ever be snow again, this from a country that can't run trains in the Autumn if there's 'The wrong type of leaves on the lines', true. Now if it snows everything comes to a halt, literally, schools, shops and industries close, we are so soft now. I'm from the North and the higher hills and Scotland still get snow, but considering we're on the same latitude as Moscow we get off lightly. I love snow, makes my garden look like the rest of the street ps That's an exaggeration, it only rains 360 days a year, but the most incredible thing is WE STILL HAVE HOSEPIPE BANS EVERY YEAR Our country has lost it's way

Looks like Dots in for a good night??

See what happens folks when Rob tries to be discreet??? OK just for you 'PISS'

Now there's no need to apologise, we quite understand our colonists get homesick at times, Rob is here for help and guidance. Glad to see you have an igloo, I was reading about the housing crisis in Vancouver, seems a great solution (but temporary) enjoy your winter. You must be dreading the spring?, that first drop of water on your nose in the middle of a dream knifing Sharpe, a cold awakening to reality. No way the igloo would survive, and of course no way would you knife Sharpe, dreams can be cruel. Sled dogs are great aren't they, a ready source of protein waiting for those Moose and a great use for your redundant seal clubs. I must say that is a new and novel entertainment to us Brits taking seals, most of our youth go clubbing with little on and a stash of ecstasy by all accounts, do the seals clap? Sorry about your subsistence diet, look out for the parcel of beer warmers and real bacon, we'll send a gunboat if you're in trouble, for Gods sake don't start speaking French. Rob (Love the term Slobberknocker lol)