RobMc

A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells "Don't enter that church,you daft tw@7,it's a trap! " His wife asks "What horror movie are you watching? " He replies "It's our wedding video!"

A mum cleaning her 12yr old sons bedroom finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "What do I do?" Hubby "I'm not sure, but I certainly wouldn't spank him"

Keeps his wrists flexible Key, just need a good supply of those little blue pills

Doesn't turning their heads wet their ears?? Ah? Domination, an oft overlooked money spinner if you have the equipment and inclination, nearly as good as capture the fag at Gay parties. The Call of Duty influence runs deep within us all, programmed in our Genes as idiots, but sabotaged by our own lusts creating a free for all resulting in a death match to most players, ask headquarters to try before they search and destroy.

You a hooker?

FFS while I've been gone has HXTR morphed into the Kapt who went missing for a while?? I'm a firm believer in AI, as an ex Idiot I always believed that most idiots intelligence was artificial, surely most of the fckrs couldn't have been born that crazy?? You all know that Rob never ever spams (@Pink) or promotes conspiracy theories, indeed throughout the years I've managed to keep a level head. You can trust Rob entirely, remember I'm always open for consultation if a small amount is donated to my gambling account, must catch up after the layoff. Depressed? follow my example, I took a job in a full size cuckoo clock, money was rubbish but it got me out of the house every hour. Off to read something on contrails, on the news this morning, I'm fascinated

Thanks Key, here's a one for you and Dot I was walking through the woods the other day, when i came upon a fox and three little cubs in a suitcase..........so i phoned the Animal help line and told the lady, she said "Oh ok, are they moving?" I said "Ah? that would account for the suitcase?"

I miss all of you too my love, but I won't be back playing

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him. "Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.." "Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!" "How do you do" he replies "I'm Tonto, Tonto Papadopoulos, "

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Sleep well Dot

Now don't you make me want to leave early young lady

Have you missed me?? don't lie of course you haven't, but ol Rob's still alive and kicking (just), over the three score and ten with enough things wrong to fill a book. Haven't played with anyone since I left, just myself (apparently good for the prostate), and have given up gaming altogether, I was rubbish anyway, even Rugger could beat me. Came back to post a joke the old timers will love, so hope you all enjoy it. Just employed a new eastern European cleaner, took her 12 hours to clean the house, I think she was a Slovac. I'm almost a full time babysitter for my two grandsons now, best job I've ever had, little fckers are cleverer than me? So hope you're all well and healthy, and to all the girls I converted to the Viking religion so when I arrive in Valhalla all you young virgins will be waiting for me - oh hold on? FU Rob

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. 'F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the f*cking manager of this pigshit middle class w*nkhole please... you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says 'Yes you can you fat piece of sh*t, I saw your poxy advert in the c*ntting window and I'm here to audition.....w*nker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune he Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just ****ted your daughter, and now the bitch is blind...' 'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively". 'W*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the **** you get sh*t on your bell-end.' I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringhole", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs". 'Look' says the manager interrupting, I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'. On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such an impressive 'swelling' that he decides to go to the bog and pollish one off, to 'relax himself'. Just as he has 'relinquished' he hears himself being re-introduced over the P.A, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your penis is hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?' 'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, I f*cking wrote it!!!'

I remember your covid joke (think it was you) I was completely fooled which is rare, I like tying flies too (in trousers), well done buddy

Hey that's an idea, a woke Rob ?????????? No? Never work would it?

Love it buddy, now put your steel helmet on because that remark won't go down well, they think it's just us in the UK, God forbid you remind them of how they got their land. That is truly a great find and glad to see you're not a moonlighter, we have lost so many treasures to those criminals. One of the sad things is for the average person we can only detect metals, imagine if you dug another foot and discovered the skeleton of the man who held it and clues how he died? I have in the past ten years become fascinated by the Romans, especially North of the wall as it is a misconception that they never conquered Scotland, which of course they did following the battle of Mons Graupius. They built huge marching camps and forts all over Scotland especially the borders, wouldn't it be great to discover a Roman in armour? I live North of the wall and when I could looked for the camps, roads and settlements clearly marked on ordnance survey maps. That is when I realised the wall was a back up defence as Roman influence extended way beyond it, I once did a walk with the county archaeologist he really opened my eyes. I look forward to your next finds

I hope Dot hasn't been gossiping ??

It's OURS, we owned the world so it's ours, but cross our palms with silver and we might give you things back (you pay the postage). Got some nice Greek marbles on offer this month.

I've always wanted to collect 'miniatures'

@jointz is our resident lesbian expert especially Tongue and Groove, that boy loves woodwork, good for him too keeps him from drink and drugs

You couldn't be 'hot' even working in a sauna, I was disappointed at Christmas, the two lesbians next door had asked me what I wanted as a present, and they gave me a watch ?

Of course you can my dear, could Rob 'pop your cork' ???? Oh Oh here comes Bio

Come on???? that black patch isn't near big enough is it?