RobMc

Whoops forgot about @piglo

Fantastic, you've got real talent, I mean it it's really good, is it you singing?

Two Aussies on a plane for a lads fortnight in Singapore, Fred and Tony, Fred's a bit deaf. The Captain announces after take off "drinks will be shortly served by the cabin staff". The Fred asks "wos he say mate ? " Tony replies "tinnies up" ! While later the Captain announces " your evening 4 course meal will now be served". "Wos he say Tony ? " "Tuckers up" ! As they approach landing the Captain says " We will be shortly landing in Bangkok, for those of you on a gentlemans holiday we must advise you 70% of the prostitutes here have HIV or syphilis the remaining 30% have tuberculosis" Wos he say Tony ? "Only screw the ones that cough !"

One day a man decided to retire...~.~* He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please." "Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs." No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a Golf Course?"

Lost in translation, a common Christmas saying in UK is, ' eat, drink and be merry' Try it again

Yea but pulled pork isn't a quick meal, have to investigate corn meal don't think they have it here?

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

As a lifelong meat eater, and enjoying all of them Beef, Lamb, Pork, Venison, Rabbit, Duck, Chicken, I've even tried some others, I have come to the conclusion that of all of them my favourite is pork. In fact I've just finished some pork loin, which is why I'm typing this, I'm no Timmah but do my own cooking, as the wife thinks the smoke alarm is a timer. I've salivated at some of your smoked meats, which is just taking off here, but wonder if any of you have any quick pork recipes that you think are delicious? The common ones in the UK are in cider, grilled and roast, I know I can go on Youtube or similar but some of you must be good cooks?

@TBB was asked if he preferred legs, thighs or breasts. He replied that he had a particular fondness for shaved girls with a Brazilian He was informed that this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC family bucket!

Anything is possible after watching this motivational video you tea tax avoiding deserter, it has truly changed my life. I now see an opening, Robs own inspirational video, I will soar to new heights, beat the dealer, get Budman sober, put our ladies on the game (whoops typo) stimulate conversations with Robs version of 'see your pumpkins', conquer new lands, invent new games, the world is my mussel (poor mans oyster), get ready for real inspiration Rob style.

What a great video, I'm motivated to be an even more annoying cunt than I was before, a changing point in my life.

A man gets on a bus with both his trouser pockets filled with golf-balls and sits down next to a blonde. The blonde looks at him and his bulging pockets. Finally after many such glances from her he said "Its golf balls". Never the less the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time thinking about what he had said. After several minutes not being able to contain her curiosity any longer she askes "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow".

How disappointed am I when I read the title???

???? You told me it was to star in the remake of Debby does Dallas ??????????

Kapt wtf has this to do with the joke?? you need help

If it passes all the tests buy it my friend, it looks great, you can always store the panniers in case you need them, I don't like the high screen for looks, but it will be great for touring. I mean I look awful (Essssieeee doesn't think so) but I work (Essssieeee doesn't think so) at least now and again.

A man knocked on a house door and asked from a lady "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again". The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have vagina"....... "Yes" she says...... The man replies. "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and starts using yours?"

Sorry Marc, may he R.I.P.

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.' The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.' But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the @rse - and they are interchangeable' @TBB

A man and his wife were sound asleep when they were woken by a loud banging on their front door. "Who the f..k is that?" the man groans. "I do't know" says the wife, "Why don't you get up and find out?" The man gets up, opens the window, it's pissing down with rain, and see's a guy standing at the door, freezing cold with his hand's in his pockets and collar pulled up. " What the f..k do you want at this time of night?" the man shouts. "I need a push!" says the guy looking up "F..k off!" says the man and slams the window shut He gets back in bed and his wife asks him what was going on. "There was some guy at the front door wanting a push, so I told him to f..k off" says the man "That was a bit harsh" says his wife, "Don't you remember last week when we broke down and, if it wasn't for that really helpful man coming to our aid, we would have been stuck right out in the country all night!" "Go out and help him, he may be desperate" The guy groans, drags himself out of bed, and go's downstairs to the front door, he pulls on his waterproof coat and wellie's and go's outside in the appalling weather. "Ok, I'm here to give you a push, Where are you?" he shouts "Over here, on the swing" the guy shouts back.

How autumnal?? roasting your nuts on a fire

Heated seats??? oh my God how bikers have changed?? they'll be getting nail extensions next ??

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a policeman comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The policeman was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Politician was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of a country and the politicians who run it.

Well in theory chains should last the life of the engine, that's why they are used instead of belts, but in real life they do stretch, and tensioners do fail. I have not owned any of these engines, so have no practical experience of them. By nature motorcycle engines are highly stressed, they require oil changes at more frequent intervals than car engines. It may sound excessive but I used to change the oil every 1000-1500 miles, this helps prevent things such as cam chain tensioners working off oil pressure failing early. I do know from friends that these are good engines and give very little trouble, so I'd base my maintenance on how you use them. So assuming you're not racing or crossing the world your cam chains should be lasting at least 50,000 miles without stretching under normal use and same for the tensioners. By now they've been out long enough for there to be plenty of data and feedback from owners for reliability. Caution, remember most people only report when things are wrong, rarely when they're right, don't be scared by some reports. With chains there is always a slight rattle when cold, but this rattle should go at operating temps, people often confuse clutch rattle with timing chain rattle. So to answer your question about the chain tensioner and chain, remembering in theory the chain should last a long time:- 1/. Excessive noise change the tensioner 2/. If that doesn't work change the chain BUT don't forget noise can come from failing bearings, clutch and other engine parts, there should be a way of measuring chain stretch and when to change it. As it's the XR not the RR the engine produces less bhp and is not as stressed, which would be my personal choice of engine.

If the frame was that bent it wouldn't be rideable, this is a test for wheel alignment, especially chain drive. Frames normally bend at the headstock so examine that area for damage, you can actually see this if you're sitting on the bike in most cases, and bearings may be rough when bars turned. These bikes have a very strong cast alloy twin spar construction, personally I would prefer this model than the RR.