RobMc

Before you start Kapt - This is another joke

Aw ??

Ah dogging?? I took the missus the other day, but by the time she'd parked they'd all left ????

I got the distinct impression it was one of two things A/. Starvation and B/. Being locked out of mens toilets? we've had so many photo sessions of both

Please send clubs First seal pups of season born off Northumberland coast as annual survey launched The remote Islands off the Northumberland coast are home one of the largest grey seals colonies with around 3,000 pups born each autumn New

You have an admission Queenie??

Hypnotism at the Care Home It was entertainment night at the Care Home. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light. Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...' The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.......................... 'S**T!' said the hypnotist. It took 3 days to clean up

I can't find the video where on a news programme the weatherman says to the female newscaster ' Here's the 6 inches I promised you last night' live on air, talking about a snowstorm, boy did she laugh.

Anything for you dear, just cast a spell for 6 inches (Oh hold on, wrong spell)

How many Country and Western singers does it take to put in a light bulb? 6, one to put the bulb in and 5 to sing a song about how good the old one was!!

We're all afraid of something, be it dying or getting knifed off MajBasil and forced to leave the clan, my fear is sharks, what's yours??

Well we used to, as a kid I remember my father digging us out of the house to let us go to school, but we haven't had a bad winter since the 80's. I used to keep a small Suzuki jeep fitted with snow/mud tyres to get around in the winter. How times change eh? in the late 80's scientists were predicting a mini ice age, now it's global warming. But typical of the UK we've all gone back to sleep thinking there'll never ever be snow again, this from a country that can't run trains in the Autumn if there's 'The wrong type of leaves on the lines', true. Now if it snows everything comes to a halt, literally, schools, shops and industries close, we are so soft now. I'm from the North and the higher hills and Scotland still get snow, but considering we're on the same latitude as Moscow we get off lightly. I love snow, makes my garden look like the rest of the street ps That's an exaggeration, it only rains 360 days a year, but the most incredible thing is WE STILL HAVE HOSEPIPE BANS EVERY YEAR Our country has lost it's way

Looks like Dots in for a good night??

See what happens folks when Rob tries to be discreet??? OK just for you 'PISS'

Now there's no need to apologise, we quite understand our colonists get homesick at times, Rob is here for help and guidance. Glad to see you have an igloo, I was reading about the housing crisis in Vancouver, seems a great solution (but temporary) enjoy your winter. You must be dreading the spring?, that first drop of water on your nose in the middle of a dream knifing Sharpe, a cold awakening to reality. No way the igloo would survive, and of course no way would you knife Sharpe, dreams can be cruel. Sled dogs are great aren't they, a ready source of protein waiting for those Moose and a great use for your redundant seal clubs. I must say that is a new and novel entertainment to us Brits taking seals, most of our youth go clubbing with little on and a stash of ecstasy by all accounts, do the seals clap? Sorry about your subsistence diet, look out for the parcel of beer warmers and real bacon, we'll send a gunboat if you're in trouble, for Gods sake don't start speaking French. Rob (Love the term Slobberknocker lol)

I'm not answering that due to the fact I might get belted

FFS man up all of you, you live in Canada and near Canada, never seen snow before???

In our dreams???

Sorry to hear you haven't quit yet Bud? missed this weeks A.A. meeting again??

Bring your own parrot??

A gypsy girl is about to get married, her mum says to her "Emerald you do realise when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession into where you urinate" The daughter replies "Shut up ma how the hells he going to fit his transit van in the sink".

Actually I spent my entire lifetime avoiding London, I like my own country and London is certainly not that, I would say stay well clear of it, and a lot of Brits would agree. Any of you tourist types be very careful where you go, do not wear watches or use expensive phones, crime is off the map.

A man went to Harley Street, London and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read : "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist...... You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester " "My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man. "No sir" she answered, "that's where the end of the queue is."

Dray that's awful

That sounds horrendous mate, fingers crossed all goes well