wildthing

LOL that is too funny

Glad to here it is going well and don't shoot the boss this time.

Happy Birthday Nitro and have a great day.

LOL that is funny I could see Mal as the first one because she is a go getter.

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.... The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip-****,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative! IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.... My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS.. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law you have the right to an attorney if you can't afford one we will provide you with a moron in order to win our case against you. Since you were idiot enough to remove the tags we will remove you arm also. Have a nice day and welcome to America.

to late he has claimed that he is thinking and due to brain over load this is what happened

The only thing I could come up with

Happy Birthday Roxy

Happy Birthday Gummi

I feel the same about some of the americans but I know that many of them do not feel this way. Our People need to take a true look at what it is to have compassion for their neighbor. What these men are doing are true to a Movie sence.

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Auto week" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of . . . - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon - Quart of Milk for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout! Did you hear the one about the woman who begged her husband to take her somewhere expensive for a change? He drove her to the corner gas station. Regular LOL Plus OMG Premium WTF Anyone wanting to fill their tanks we have house refinancing avalible.

How you know you are getting old. You think you deserve a better mower. LOL Craftmans are good mowers but also look at the john deere My father has one that is awesome and turns on a dime for the five acres he has to mow. Told him it was a dumb idea to live in the country.

Happy Birthday Newf you Hack you.

Happy Birthday you thong bitch.

LOL you are getting it SOB we are to worried about what we say.

To killa1 sorry to see you leave and wish you the best.

You know life is to short when you can no longer say or dothings like this on tv due to big brother watching us.

You guys are so funny but to tell the truth you guys are hang like a

To my friend please keep in touch and thanks for your hard work my friend and your love for the players for that this is all I have to say so please watch.

LOL rugger I should send you some pics of here in minnesota we do have it this bad.

Nice pics I can't wait til july when all the idiots get together.

Happy Birthday and hope you have a great day

Tomorrow is the doctors appointment I will update you guys tomorrow and thanks for the support.

My prayers are with you and if she is anything like the fighter you are she will pull through.