baldie

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
 
 
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
 
 
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
 
 
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
 
 
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
 
 
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
 
 
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HEL-LO-O! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
 
 
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
 
 
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:
 
 
 
 
 
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Hey hang tight one of our Admins will look into this and if found he will get removed and banned.
Its just a shame people feel the need to use racist remarks but there will always be Stupid people and unfortunately there is no cure for stupid yet.

NINE TERMS WOMEN USE
 
 
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare not permission. Don't Do It!
 
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').
 
( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!
 
(9) Don't worry about it=2C I got it: Another dangerous statement meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Here's a handy cross reference for all you blokes out there
 
What they say What they mean
We need...................................................... I want
It's your decision...........................................The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want..........................................You'll pay for this later
We need to talk.............................................You need to listen
Sure, go ahead.............................................No, I don't want you to
I'm not upset.................................................Of course I am upset, you moron
You're so...manly..........................................You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight...................Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional and I am not overreacting..I am on my period
I heard a noise..............................................I noticed you were almost asleep before me
Do you love me?...........................................I want to buy something expensive and unnecessary
How much do you love me?..........................I already bought it
I'll be ready in a minute.................................Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. You will get to see it all except the last 5 minutes
You have to learn to communicate................Just agree with me
Yes................................................................No
No..................................................................No
Maybe............................................................No
I'm sorry.........................................................You will be so sorry
I'm not yelling.................................................I am yelling because you are not agreeing with me
 
And the answer to the question "What's wrong?"
 
The same old thing...........................................Nothing
Nothing.............................................................Everything
Everything........................................................I have PMS
Nothing, really..................................................God you are an asshole
I don't want to talk about it ...............................Go away, I am building up evidence against you
Can we just be friends......................................No way I am ever having sex with you again, ever
I need some space..............................................without you in it
Do I look fat in this dress..................................We are overdue for a fight
No, pizza is.....fine.............................................Cheap bastard
I don't know, what do you want to do?...............I can't believe you have nothing planned
I like you, but.....................................................I hate you
You never listen................................................You never listen
Oh, yes, right there...........................................Well, it's close, but I want to get this over with
I'm going out with the girls.................................We are going to get drunk and make fun of you
There's no one else..........................................I am doing your brother, and his friend
Size doesn't count.............................................Unless I actually want an orgasm this time

Hey hang tight one of our Admins will look into this and if found he will get removed and banned.
Its just a shame people feel the need to use racist remarks but there will always be Stupid people and unfortunately there is no cure for stupid yet.

Thanks mate its been a long time since I could say I am proud to be British.
But at long last I can

Hi Patricia its not a good idea to post your phone number in the open like this in general post for all to see it might be better if you just asked people to contact you via PM/ Xfire or email.

Hi Patricia its not a good idea to post your phone number in the open like this in general post for all to see it might be better if you just asked people to contact you via PM/ Xfire or email.

Here’s to the Brits for putting on an excellent Summer Olympics. All the venues were beautiful and elegant. The workers did an excellent job too. Bloody good job Londoners and all.

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

http://www.dailymail...sleep-lake.html
 
 
 
 
I for one truly believe our pets are our family--- They have tremendous healing powers and without speaking can make you feel so good. I applaud the lengths this guys goes, to ensure the comfort of his pet.......

I lost interest after the women's beach volleyball .....

Hey Centreparcs sounds great for me and my lot as long as there is plenty of notice so I can book time off work....I am 100% in great Idea
 
And SOB I did also get the post about the worthing thing but I cant get a day off at the drop of the hat I have to book my days off months in advance or I would show up anywhere for a laugh

Now this is an amazing story of true grit and determination and something you Americans should be very proud of.....
 
http://www1.skysports.com/olympics/story/15234/7976451
 
This has been a truly Brilliant Olympics and a very big congratulations to all the countries envolved. It has broken new ground removed more boundaries and I am very proud it all took place here in the UK...
 
And on a side note did anyone see the womens boxing damn them Bitches are mean lol

Now this is an amazing story of true grit and determination and something you Americans should be very proud of.....
 
http://www1.skysports.com/olympics/story/15234/7976451
 
This has been a truly Brilliant Olympics and a very big congratulations to all the countries envolved. It has broken new ground removed more boundaries and I am very proud it all took place here in the UK...
 
And on a side note did anyone see the womens boxing damn them Bitches are mean lol

Now this is an amazing story of true grit and determination and something you Americans should be very proud of.....
 
http://www1.skysports.com/olympics/story/15234/7976451
 
This has been a truly Brilliant Olympics and a very big congratulations to all the countries envolved. It has broken new ground removed more boundaries and I am very proud it all took place here in the UK...
 
And on a side note did anyone see the womens boxing damn them Bitches are mean lol

Now this is an amazing story of true grit and determination and something you Americans should be very proud of.....
 
http://www1.skysports.com/olympics/story/15234/7976451
 
This has been a truly Brilliant Olympics and a very big congratulations to all the countries envolved. It has broken new ground removed more boundaries and I am very proud it all took place here in the UK...
 
And on a side note did anyone see the womens boxing damn them Bitches are mean lol

Now this is an amazing story of true grit and determination and something you Americans should be very proud of.....
 
http://www1.skysports.com/olympics/story/15234/7976451
 
This has been a truly Brilliant Olympics and a very big congratulations to all the countries envolved. It has broken new ground removed more boundaries and I am very proud it all took place here in the UK...
 
And on a side note did anyone see the womens boxing damn them Bitches are mean lol

Yes the dirty little secret is out, fame and medals aren't the main reason athletes want to come from around the world to the Olympic games. In every Olympic games for the last 100 years for the week leading up to the opening ceremony and for a few nights after the close, most of the athletes are engaged in a drunken orgy.
 
At the 2000 games in Sydney, 70,000 condoms were ordered. THEY RAN OUT and had to order 20,000 more. So if you've ever wondered why some athletes look like hell late in the Olympics, they're probably hungover, sleep deprived, and have been fucking like rabbits with complete strangers for days. Sounds like fun.
 
http://espn.go.com/olympics/summer/2012/story/_/id/8133052/athletes-spill-details-dirty-secrets-olympic-village-espn-magazine

Why does this have to be political issue and just enjoy the wonder and spectical of this amazing feat of technology. Well done NASA.. Great job!

 
The technology you are reading these words on right now was originally developed by NASA in the 1960's. Before they began shrinking computer components to fit into a small space capsule a computer would fill a large room.
 
If you read the link that you provided it says very clearly that the images were taken by a hazard avoidance camera on the bottom of the rover. Over the next couple days they'll bring out the hi-res cameras and the pictures should be outstanding.
 
The 2.5 billion NASA spent on this project is chump change compared to what Obama has flushed down the toilet over the last 3 years, and I doubt he fed a single child in all that time.

My hero.......

 

 

 
Where would the world be without Droopy?

I simply cannot believe you intentionally exposed me to this. Thank you very much. Do you know that you just destroyed the efforts of dozens of psychiatrists and a half-century of treatment? How could you?
 
I am slowly keyboarding this message while huddled in a corner of my bedroom in a near-fetal position, awash in my own bodily fluids and filth, unable even to unlock the door to allow my poor wife in with my drugs. I fear I shall never again leave this room, else I be exposed to TV screens, the sight of which cause my bowels to move involuntarily, nor go outside where I might chance upon one of the objects of the severe mental distress which has plagued me since my parents exposed me to 1950s cartoon violence.
 
Oh, the abject horror of Elmer Fudd, bent on unloading both barrels into that poor, little bunny rabbit or Daffy Duck screaming "Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!" as he tried to escape that murderous fiend. If it wasn't Foghorn Leghorn trying to wring the neck of defenseless little chickens, it was Sylvester eating an imprisoned Tweety Bird alive, ALIVE, for God's sake. Or Yosemite Sam firing his six-shooters indiscrimately at anything that walked by. And then, and then, there was the worst: the abject violence of Brutus and Popeye doing things to each other than no human should endure.
 
You don't know what it did to me, what I've been through. But then, how could you? How could anyone understand the years and years of tormented nightmares which led me to terrible things like hanging my sister's Barbie from the Lilac tree or putting her Little Miss Muffy doll in the coal furnace; or making up terrible rhymes about pure and innocent Dick and Jane - even Christmas was not spared. Dare I repeat it: "Jingle Bells, shotgun shells, rabbit got away." (Please forgive me.) Yes, it was those terrible, violent cartoons that led me to evil, to the dark side, to creating clay rockets with little clay people in them that I would hurl against the wall so as to warp and twist the little clay bodies; to loading my slingshot with sand to wreak havoc on innocent hornets; to frying those poor little ants on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass, to shooting toy soldiers with my BB gun and then and then, at long last, to the greatest horror of them all: joining XI that I might virtually kill by the hundreds, nay, by the thousands, even my friends and fellow clansmen and any others that dared cross my path.
 
It took many years, but I finally buried these terrible memories and lock them away in some dark recess of my mind.
Until today. Until today.
 
I don't know that I can go on. I, I.........

this is one of the best from people who made the best for years...Saturday mornings for alot of us would have sucked without em!!!!!!
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5REE8PG4UA&feature=related

with enuff time to organise can do somthing like this : £100 per person for a week-end with many activities center parcs with 8 sharing 4 bedroom lodge. got watersports waterpark outdoor like quadbike and havin a cheap pissup by bringing own booze of course, got golf course too
centerparc in wiltshire near bristol for cheap flights or 1 in cumbria. got em on continent too if we wana go there
I'm with u Markoff, i wana do this and its not that difficult witha years planning and not that expensive.