Tech Support

[Merlin007]

> Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

> Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '

> Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

> Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden

> the words went away.'

> Operator: 'Went away?'

> Caller: 'They disappeared. '

> Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

> Caller: 'Nothing.'

> Operator: 'Nothing??'

> Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

> Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

> Caller: 'How do I tell?'

> Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

> Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

> Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the

> screen?'

> Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept

> anything I type.'

> Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

> Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

> Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a

> TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

> Caller: 'I don't know.'

> Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find

> where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

> Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

> Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's

> plugged into the wall.

> Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

> Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

> there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

> Caller: 'No.'

> Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again

> and find the other cable.'

> Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

> Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely

> into the back of your computer'

> Caller: 'I can't reach.'

> Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

> Caller: 'No.'

> Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean

> way over??'

> Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -

> it's because it's dark.'

> Operator: 'Dark??'

> Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I

> have is coming in from the window.

> ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

> Caller: 'I can't.'

> Operator: 'No? Why not??'

> Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

> Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it

> licked now.

> Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your

> computer came in??'

> Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

> Operator: 'Good Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

> up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store

> you bought it from.'

> Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

> Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

> Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell

> them??'

> Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a

> computer!!!! !'

[Astronomer]

Many years ago int he early 1990's, when I worked at a university computer center, I had a user who said that her 5 1/4" floppy disks worked once, but any time thereafter, they would not read. She brought her PC to the shop and we replaced the drive, tested it, and all was fine. She called in furious a couple of days later saying that the problem was not fixed and that she demanded that someone come over and take a look. When we went to her office, there was a small refrigerator by her desk. Holding the floppies to the fridge was - you guessed it - a magnet. Common sense can not be conferred by a series of letters after your name. You either have it, or you don't.

[DEEJAYKEG]

I was feeling mischievous at work, one day, when filling in a bug report for some in-house software we used.

Q: What were you doing when the error message appeared?

A: Eating a ham sandwich.