Cross Posted August 14, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?" She says, "Anything you want." He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?" She says, "But I thought you hated Larry." With his last breath, he says, "I do." Blackbart, WolfTiS, LtLaszlo and 9 others 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 22, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 22, 2012 Mr. Geraldo says to his doctor, "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, and they were all dancing in a row." The psychiatrist says, "Now hold on, Mr. Geraldo. That doesn't sound so terrible." Mr. Geraldo says, "Oh, yeah? I was the third girl from the end." hxtr, DEEJAYKEG, LtLaszlo and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
TBB Posted August 22, 2012 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 265 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18139 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20154 Achievement Points: 132928 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 38 minutes ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted August 22, 2012 Not bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 23, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 Aphorisms It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"? The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party When blondes have more fun,do they know it? Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park. LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES.....USE BIRTH CONTROL Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. Don't Drink and Drive You might hit a bump and spill something. If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs. Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY. The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population "You know why a banana is like a politician?" "He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten." "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors." The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed. NORESPECT4U, DEEJAYKEG, hxtr and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
LtLaszlo Posted August 24, 2012 Member ID: 151 Group: ++ COD2 Admin Followers: 62 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9138 Content Per Day: 1.71 Reputation: 24296 Achievement Points: 94163 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 314 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 20 hours ago Birthday: 05/17/1959 Device: Kindle Fire Share Posted August 24, 2012 Good ones Cross!! LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 25, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?' Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.' STARPICKET and chavez 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 28, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess who was collecting tickets. So when the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said, "I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub." STARPICKET, BigPapaDean and hxtr 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 28, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock." She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black". hxtr, baldie, Blackbart and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
TBB Posted August 28, 2012 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 265 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18139 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20154 Achievement Points: 132928 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 38 minutes ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted August 28, 2012 lmao - more good ones - thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 29, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!" BigPapaDean, Autumnx and STARPICKET 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted August 31, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us." BigPapaDean, TheLastColdBeer, STARPICKET and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 2, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts! "yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead? DEEJAYKEG and BigPapaDean 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 5, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) An 18-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off. Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield! Edited September 5, 2012 by Cross BigPapaDean, chavez and STARPICKET 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
P1nh3ad Posted September 5, 2012 Member ID: 3696 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 11 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 24 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 21 Achievement Points: 310 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/30/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: 4 hours ago Device: Windows Share Posted September 5, 2012 lmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 6, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Three old guys are sitting around complaining. The first guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I almost cut my ear off." The second guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I ate breakfast today, I spilled half my coffee on my toast." The third guy says, "My hands shake so bad that the last time I went to pee I came in my pants before i could even take my dick out. BigPapaDean and STARPICKET 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 9, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. First Soldier: Why did you join the army? Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army? First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined STARPICKET 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 12, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 this is for those of you that remember this tape :-D A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'" BigPapaDean and STARPICKET 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 15, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?" Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..." chavez, JohnnyDos, TheLastColdBeer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 15, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." BigPapaDean and STARPICKET 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 17, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband. When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up. TheLastColdBeer, STARPICKET, BigPapaDean and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 23, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!" "Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand." About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye. "Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked. "I took your advice." "Didn't you compliment her?" "Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too." "It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said. "Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment." "What did you say?" "For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much." LordOfChaos 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 25, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save! the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.' baldie, LordOfChaos, little_old_man and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted September 30, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 A guy's walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a prostitute. He says, "How much?" She says "Twenty bucks." He says, "All right." They climb down under the boardwalk, and they do their thing. The next night, he runs into the same girl, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while they're going for it, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-five dollars. She says, "What's the extra five?" He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my testicles." Wild Fire 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Cross Posted October 1, 2012 Member ID: 3610 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 8 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 344 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 280 Achievement Points: 2410 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/03/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 8, 2020 Birthday: 02/21/1983 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 I had a 2nd reminder from the Tax office the other day saying that my taxes were overdue. I went to pay it straight away, saying that I didn't remember getting a first reminder. "We don't send first reminders" said the taxman "the 2nd one's are more effective" LordOfChaos 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
PimpedOutPete Posted October 1, 2012 Member ID: 174 Group: +++ COD2 Head Admin Followers: 129 Topic Count: 387 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 14881 Content Per Day: 2.78 Reputation: 7824 Achievement Points: 91060 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 52 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 04/23/1970 Device: Macintosh Share Posted October 1, 2012 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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