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Posted


I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large
chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat
there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I
had your will power.'
>>
>>
>> I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
>> commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
>> the correct answers.
>>
>>
>> A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about
>> the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
>>

>> I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the

>> bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I
said 'Nope, you're still black'.

>> Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting
8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
>>
>>
>> A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
>> passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this
>> morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father
>> O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
>> ting on my mind at the moment.'
>>
>>
>> Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
>> But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
>> sandwich works best!
>>
>> Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
>> shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
>> with her mouth closed.
>>
>> I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
>> could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and
think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'
>>
>>
>> Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a
>> farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks
>> back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!
>>
>>
>> I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
>> question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
>> curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
>> wanted the name of a country?
>>
>>
>> I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone
>> off is a piece of cake.

 


 



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Posted

Rolf nice one :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:



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  • 3 weeks later...

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Posted

Good ones



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Posted

lol


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