HarryWeezer

Twas the night before Christmas and all through XI, The Idiots were gaming in hopes they'd not die. The claymores were placed everywhere with great care, In hopes that some loser would not see them there. But I wasn't gaming, I was laying in bed, While visions of tits danced around in my head. And mamma in her nightie and I in my shorts, Had just settled down for a screwing of sorts. When out on the front lawn there arose such a clatter, I halted my stroking to see what was the matter. I flew to the window without lifting the sash. It took eighteen stitches to sew up the gash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But Mean Dean's old Ford with its bad steering gear. He rammed into a tree and bounced off of a wall, And knocked my front porch to the back of the hall. His steps, how they faltered. His breath, how it stunk. I knew in flash that Mean Dean was stone drunk. More rapid than eagles his curses they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called me by name; "Now, Harry, you asshole, you son of two sluts, Get back in the game or I'll cut off your nuts. "Just point your computer to COD5, And before you can shoot I will skin you alive. You fuck with the baker you might get the bun. You fuck with Mean Dean and you just won't get none." As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, I ran to my puter and turned on my hack, So I could blow Mean Dean to hell and then back. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the stair, The bouncing and scraping of Dean's little pair. He was standing there naked, his ass hanging low, With a shrivled up dick 'bout the size of your toe. A sack full of Schlitz he had flung on his back, He resembled a grannie with a wrinkled-up rack. His eyes oh so bloodshot, his chest oh so hairy, He looked like a primate, his nose like a cherry. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, The better to suck on his pipe full of blow. The stump of that pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He was chubby and fat, a right jolly old shit, And I laughed when I saw him throw up on his tit. And as he was sticking his finger in his nose, I pulled back my foot, hit him hard with my toes. He sprang to his Ford and threw it in gear, And managed to get it the hell out of here. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove it on through, "Harry you bastard, I'll be coming for you."

I have found the key out of Purgatory and now it can be yours for one low price. Dec. 21 marks the conclusion of the 5,125-year Mayan calendar. The world will end. We all will die. But will you be reunited with your ancestors? The lives of seven billion people will be snuffed out in an instant. Many will got straight to hell but most are destined for life eternal in heaven. If you're among them, you face a long, long wait in Purgatory as billions are processed by St. Peter. But you don't have to wait. In a trip to Mexico in 1995, we took a side trip to Chichen Itza where I entered the El Castillo pyramid and stood before The Jaguar Throne. There, I saw that mud had fallen on the alter and I wiped it clean. For my good deed, I received a message - an incantation that releases one immediately out of Purgatory and into the arms of loved ones who await us on the golden streets, harps in hand, halos at the ready. For a mere $10,000, this secret can be your's. Don't suffer Purgatory with hundreds of millions of babies constantly screaming for their mommies, or billions of the unwashed all begging for their ticket through the Pearly Gates. Act now, and you'll be taken up in an instant. Satisfactiorn guaranteed - PayPal accepted. PS: Of course, I'll be dead too and unable to spend the money, but that's not the point. When I cleaned the Jaguar Throne, the voices said "for this sacrifice, we give you the incantation which will release you from purgatory at the end times." I replied, "Most generous and I thank you but may I share this with others?" And the voices said "only if they, too, make a sacrifice." What sacrifice will they have to make, I then asked. And the voices said, "Oh, about 10 large ought to do it." As to the guarantee, if it doesn't work you would have to take that up with Montezuma.

Very nice Rusty!!

It's their decision. Every new member is invited to join. Some do, some don't.

Yup. I also am investing more in short-term government securities. This work thing is really getting in the way of my hobbies.

USAF administrative specialist - McConnell AFB, Wichita and Hq, 7th AF, Tan Son Nhut AB, Vietnam.

Welcome. But there are no "peoples" here - just Idiots!!

Looks great, but can't you find a place to put those three missing toes?

Welcome - and kept howling when I shoot you in your little doggie balls...

Congrats. Be 43 years for Mrs. Weezer and I next March.

Welcome to XI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to XI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice. Used to ride. Had 3 bikes at one time back in the late '70s. Had a party at my house and got totally drunk. Then I ran out of cigarettes and hopped on the Honda 350 for a quick trip to the corner grocery - no helmet. Wrecked on a turn and literally, broke my neck - and my nose and left arm. When I recovered I sold all the bikes to punish my stupidity.

Thanks all. I am collecting information on these vehicles and the wifey will spec out the ones she likes this weekend. Then, we'll settle on three acceptable models and I'll do online research to see which dealers have what she wants in terms of features/colors, etc. My plan then is to e-mail/call and tell them what I'll pay - call me back if it's a deal. I HATE negotiating face-to-face on the lot and won't do it. I'm not like a friend of mine who went with me when I bought a car around 1970 or so. We looked around the lot and found a Ford Pinto (nope, didn't blow up on me and I got a few years out of it) I liked and then went inside. He looked around at the salesmen and said, "All right, who's the asshole who's trying to fuck us over on that piece of shit Pinto out there?"

You were right about that!!!

Seldom that we see such an exuberant response to an intro post but no surprise, given a beautiful and charming young lady who clearly is more than Dukoo or any of these other Idiots deserve. Welcome!!!

For the last 25 years or so I've driven nothing by Chrysler Town & Countries so I don't pay a lot of attention to cars and haven't kept up with them. The wife totalled her car yesterday. She'll have about $5,000 to put down on a new one and wants payments of around $250-$270, so I figure she can spend $18,000-$19,000. What the best small four-door for that money? She's looking at Toyota Corolla and Honda Fit but I haven't a clue what else might be in that price range that's a good, sound car with pretty much power everything, good sound, Bluetooth, etc. Any advice????

Somebody else also needs serious intervention... This was a SERIOUS JOKE... Uh, likewise...

Somebody else also needs serious intervention...

Actually, it's my kid. But don't tell anybody - Brits especially. I also knocked up her sister.

Welcome aboard!!!

A lovely young lady named Jill; Used a dynamite stick for a thrill. They found her vagina in South Carolina and parts of her tits in Brazil.

Dear All: I regret to inform you that I have just received a call from his wife, that our friend and comrade UnChileno has been forcibly institutionalized at the Greater Toronto Insane Asylum for an indefinite period of treatment. He apparently became severely mentally unstable after drinking an imported Chilean concoction of cocoa and goat urine and ran around the house screaming that he was the reincarnation of some deranged Chilean poet who died of advanced syphilis. He is apparently scheduled for a lobotomy later today.

OMG that was funny!!!

You'll have hardware and driver mismatches which may or may not crash the system, particularly with a Vista OS. It also may be an illegal use of the Vista OS since in effect, you're installing it on a new machine. Can't hurt to try - won't damage anything.