RobMc

You Jealous of @BUDMAN????

The Parrot A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the Turkey did?"

Venezuela, Cuba ?? Surely not Canada?? This is a strange move, hope it doesn't spread, I treasure my Outer Mongolian passport

Not surprising to us in the UK who know Scottish girls

THE SCOTTISH COW. The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland . It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland .. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "

OK, but take a look at these T32's, they are not the same tread pattern on your bike?? at least by the photos they ain't? I might be wrong but your photos show less tread pattern? These look better remember there is a very simple rule, all tyres stick well in the dry, few stick well in the wet. See other comments, you do not appear to have the sport touring tyre fitted, they do a whole range of T's, what does it say on the sidewall??? This is an expensive machine, now I have no idea what the weather is like where you live, but no way would I use these in the UK other than the summer, as we say here keep it shiny side up.

I should be so lucky??

Nah, it's if you listen to Pete you are doomed

Sport - Yes Touring - definitely not OK for a quick shower, like riding on marbles in a downpour

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my tennis coach dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

This is not Youtube, surely it can't be funny??, oh yes it is

Two stroke diesels notoriously noisy and unreliable, that's why they didn't make many, I remember Detroits in particular as being screamers.

BY POPULAR DEMAND THIS CHARITY APPEAL IS BEING PROMOTED Please ignore the idiots diverting this heartfelt message, they have to bring their lustful thoughts into every post. In fact I've thought of an idea, I'm going to get @FlyingDutch to say a prayer for their poor lost souls, how many clans have their own clergyman?? Condemn them to hell Dutch, now DO WE HAVE ANY WITCH DOCTORS OR SHAMANS??? I need a spell casting

Doctors in the Seychelles who treated the holidaymaker chewed up by a shark said he didn't suffer too much, he had only been married 11 days.....

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS???? A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

It is with a sad heart that Rob types , only this morning the f....g dealer took what little I had saved for my Christmas turkey. Meanwhile I am cruelly reminded with multiple posts that many of you are stuffed to the gills with turkey. Meanwhile little Nbutu has made 7 round trips to his stagnant pond, 3 donkeys are lame, 6 kittens were eaten and 10 children suffered blindness by reading porn. Fuck them, find it in your hearts to save Rob, as he sits here typing with his trenchcoat on, shivering under candlelight, spare him a thought (and before you say it FU @BUDMAN and @TBB) those thoughts have no place in Christian souls. Old Rob will be alone again this Christmas, because no fckr will speak to me, be different, be an idiot, give generously to Rob Seasons Greetings

I'll never forget my first ilyama 15",had to reinforce the desk and get a mate to help carry it up the stairs, guessing it would be much the same for a 'quickie' nowadays??

FD has a great sense of humour, good on you mate.

I'd like that - she's gorgeous

I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body .Apparently “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer? Little boy: "Dad, can you make a sound like a frog?" Dad: "Course son, why do you ask?" Little boy: "Because mum says when you croak we're going to Disneyland...." I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'. 'Wow!' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.' She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'. 'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!' She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!' So I told her to f*** off.

Correct my Guru, I used to be good at English, I still is, lack of use nowadays combined with laziness at not checking anything I've rote.

From the country where only 20% of it's troops are fit enough for combat, India now trains our pilots after years of wokeness, and we have more Admirals than warships, Ruggers vision comes to fruition. BE PROUD YOU BRAVE WARRIORS OF TOMORROW Army will use Call of Duty to sharpen soldiers’ combat skills @Sharpe get your arse down to Hereford, tell them Rob sent you

My God am I out of touch?, I have tears in my eyes at reading of all my old friends now dead and I never knew? May they all rest in peace, I played many happy hours with a lot of them, and great friends they were.

A “Salesman Wanted” sign was in the window so Murphy went in and told the boss, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j- joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment.” Murphy replied, "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k- kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" "OK, here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." Murphy came back an hour later and said, "H-here-sss your m-m-money." The boss was impressed, so he gave Murphy a dozen more Bibles and two hours later Murphy said, "Her- ers y-yooour m-m-money." The boss said, "Brilliant! You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said Murphy, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H- Hel-Hello, M-m- maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?’"

To my favourite dang chew toy, buy what you can afford, take no notice of reviews and gadgets, if possible actually look at one. I'm guessing on past experience you'll prefer 'big ones' but remember where it's got to go and how far you sit from it.