RobMc

Well some years ago I asked if anyone had had any 'close encounters' and it turned out quite a few had. Now with the US disclosing their unexplained, the release of a new documentary and general interest I was going to run a poll. Somewhere along the lines of do you believe in aliens Yes/No/Unsure, but not now being a member it won't let me, go on do it for me.

Mary Kate Danaher, a spry 85-year-old widow, went on a blind date with Sean Thornton, a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, her daughter thought that her mother seemed rather upset. “What happened?” the daughter asked. “You look as if you are upset after your date.” “I had to slap his face three times!” Mary Kate replied. “You mean he got fresh with you?” the daughter asked. “No, not at all, I thought the old codger was dead!” Sean and Mary are their 70’s; they have been courting and are discussing marriage. Mary says, “I want to keep my house.” Sean replied, “That’s fine with me.” Mary says, “I want to keep my Cadillac.” Sean replies, “That’s also fine with me.” Mary then adds, “I want to have sex 6 days a week.” Sean replies, “Put me down for Wednesday”. Two elderly friends, Dot and Pia, hadn’t seen each other in a while, but met while shopping. Dot inquired, “And how is your husband?” “Oh! Richard died last week.” He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” Dot was shocked by the news and said, “Oh dear! I am so very sorry. What did you do?” Pia replied, “I opened a can of peas instead.”

Maybe you owned a frog ???????

With Christmas round the corner it reminded me of last years works party They played the twist I did the twist They played the bump I did the bump They played Come on Eileen I got tossed out??

On a more serious note buddy those pictures are fantastic, get any of 3I/Atlas?? You are just the man to put up my alien poll for me

Bit like Viagra eh?

Bad news, all our immigrants are anti American, unfortunately they are also anti British, on the plus side the pink hair communists haven't woke up to the fact that the immigrants want to kill them by tossing them off the nearest high building. No doubt recruits to the pink hair brigade will be plummeting, although being morons they will welcome the views.

A little boy about 13 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the Dose that I just caught." "When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it." "In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap ... and HE'S the bastard who stood on my frog!"

Still waiting for you tight fckrs to pay the tax ?? we'll be back

Yo

I'd heard you do a great drag act?

Rob, the ultimate Lounge Lizard

Danny is a Walter Trout trained protege, he is a fantastic blues guitarist, but his band never made it, seen him live 3 times in small clubs, well worth a listen. He does his own stuff but on the album shown he does dare I say better versions than some originals.

That's amazing Kapt, I honestly watched this very clip 3 hours ago spooky?

True, very true but

You been on that red wine early girl?? You're getting me worried

Do you get the impression she's a teaser? I hesitate to ask what you of all people consider 'a good gift' ??? Hint - I like rum

You want to try ours mate?

Can I recycle through my kidneys first? where you been? my Bio free week flirting is nearly over?? Have you another??

From experience I know just how generous idiots can be (FU @BUDMAN), it is approaching the season for begging giving, we all love a good cause don't we?? I propose that this years donations should be in points to me, never mind little Nbingo who has to walk 15 miles for water, Ahmed with the missing leg, kittens, donkeys or any of the usual crap. There is a far greater and nobler cause and that is Rob, now apparently spurned by Essssieeee, Dot no longer laughing at his jokes and the burden of points deficit, it will be a sad Christmas for Rob Open your wallets or purses heart and donate generously to a good cause, I can't go cap in hand yet again to Rugger to sponsor my addiction (can I?), I must learn to control my urges to hang, draw and quarter the dealer, after all, he's only doing his job, cunt. So with forgiveness in mind and a little prayer, Rob will bathe in your love and affection as always. Seasons Greetings Rob

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir

You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to hospital. Now that's stressful. At the hospital they say she is pregnant and congratulate you on becoming a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl insists that you are. This is becoming very stressful. So then.... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father. After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are definitely not the father, because you are infertile, and probably have been since birth. You are extremely stressed but relieved. On your way back home, you think about your 3 kids at home. NOW THAT'S REAL STRESS!!!

Don't you just hate it when your finger go's through the toilet paper ??... Other than that i'm loving my new job at the old folks home

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'. 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. 'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'. The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer. Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions. Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast. When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question. Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Mexican border?' Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Mexican boarder is in bed with my mother. That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.