RobMc

Interestingly today has highlighted some worrying signs for our freedoms in the UK on sites such as this. I tried to log into Youtube kids for one of my grandchildren as I have done dozens of times and was stopped?? I tried everything then it occurred to me switch off the VPN and bingo. While typing my comments to Jointz I got a black screen and cut off, I also notice that my VPN (Proton) often changes to strange countries (Morocco????) when I sleep. By the way I have had a vpn for years and don't watch porn, which is the first thing people assume. So what I can hear you all say??, well these forums are founded on free speech and I must say over the years I have admired their stance. Worryingly I suspect in the UK the first stages of this being stopped are arriving, the thought police are here, and Rob may be a target.

Love it, what if you'll be lucky to last another decade?? truthfully I don't watch football, rarely drink beer and as for the last part it's a distant memory. AI is flourishing though, most of the punters I meet in my village have been programmed in it, some can even spell now.

Interestingly in Europe Stellantis (major manufacturer) are abandoning EV's, no ones buying them. DRILLBABY DRILL

I haven't a clue about what you're all talking about?? you guys not interested in normal things like sex, beer and football?? you're wasting your lives

Aw poor Bryan, just like the common denominator, they were looking for that when I went to school during the ice age.

Someone mention 'screwing'? I'm in

Southern softie

Well done you old fart, here's to 90, as a token of congratulations - FU May your health remain strong and your photo library never fade

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ..."How flexible are you?" I said, .... "I can't make Tuesdays."

Most girls do ? 99% are disappointed

What's got 23 legs, 21 eyes and 6 teeth?...... The methadone queue outside our local chemists shop

I like the last one MAGA - Make all Greenlanders Americans, has a poignant ring to it?

More great news, talking to my buddy and he tells me to hold on a couple of months as he’s thinking of buying Greenland himself (he’s rich). Once the deal is done he’ll make sure that I get a prime spot of my choice, anywhere I like, all obstacles removed, what a good friend. I happened to mention I liked whales and he said that comes after Greenland, not just Wales but Scotland too, I think he misunderstood. Says he’s having a bit of bother with the paperwork in Denmark but that will be sorted with something called tariffs, must be the modern term for brown envelopes? He has great plans for my new country, golf courses disguised as airbases with real bunkers and no problems landing on the 18th green. Forests that look like missiles and the worlds greatest theme park featuring old favourites such as whack a country, tank dodgems, shoot the duck (sponsored by Steyr), obstacle courses for the troops (whoops, patrons) and yacht clubs for grey yachts? So things are on track, I’m ready to go, just need to buy some jumpers, a flask and thermal underwear, do polar bears like dog treats??

I’m getting more excited about my new plans to move to Greenland, did you know the total population is only around 56,000 ? They live mainly in Nuuk, which a close friend has said is very appropriate as he has one lined up if they won’t let him visit. With such a small population you’d think they’d welcome visitors wouldn’t you? However I’m puzzled, it was him who said they’d be speaking English (well American, that’s near enough) soon, and they don’t. In all the years I’ve known him this is the first time he’s stretched the truth, or he knows something I don’t about their educational programme. That must be it, as he said he’d ‘teach them a lesson’, how kind to have their welfare at heart. He also mentioned developing the infrastructure with airfields, new towns and as a tribute and incentive to the natives filling the country with Nuuks, what more could he do? Well for a start, a little birdie told me he was so concerned about their lack of defences that he’d lend them some from the gool old USA. 250,000 personnel, 80 F35’s, 100 missiles and numerous ancillaries shows his generous spirit. In response the UK has apparently contributed by sending one officer (true) on a fact finding mission, hope he stays sober, our track record isn’t good. Be back with more news soon Rob ps It struck me like a bullet why he wants to visit, he loves ICE, and what better country to find it in, trumps Canada ? Oh yes he said that's next.

A man boarded the first-class section of a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Murphy diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible evil curse that goes with it." The man inquired, “What is the curse?” "That would be Mr. Murphy."

One does but try my friend

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f@@king fault!!!

Now - was that satire?

They don't watch the news do they?? put me down for a volcano at least I'll be warm

Ladies, no the wonder you believe men when they say I love you?? What's in the news?? crossed out airbases and firing ranges, I won't start on seals and waxy, Robs satire is a struggling thing I love you @Icequeen

I'm thinking of buying a holiday cottage and have been looking around for somewhere secluded, Greenland seems to be a nice quiet place to settle. Forgotten by the rest of the world, quiet and judging by the name rich in green pastures. I like fish but have only tried seal once and it was very waxy, I hear that very soon the main language will be English, great news. Google tells me it is Danish? I'll get Pia to put a word in for me, should be plenty of bacon and Lurpak, and cheap. How much are airbases houses? and do local amenities provide firing ranges saunas? Asking for a friend (missing the political column)

A bloke is sat on the sofa watching TV when his wife comes in. 'Notice anything different about me?' she asks. 'Nah, not particularly. Had a haircut ?' 'No, not that' 'Oh, bought some new jewellery?' Nope' 'A new dress then?' 'No, not that either' 'I give up then' 'I'm wearing a gas mask'.

Sorry to hear that Jenny, get well soon, if you smoke please stop, it will certainly kill you, if you don't then exercise to get those lungs back to normality.

Elderly Mick McGrath was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, Mick asked to speak to his son and said, "Don't be nervous boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me...your mother is going to live with you."

FFS, are Canadians like an Octopus ??