RobMc

A man knocked on a house door and asked from a lady "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again". The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have vagina"....... "Yes" she says...... The man replies. "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and starts using yours?"

Sorry Marc, may he R.I.P.

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.' The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.' But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the @rse - and they are interchangeable' @TBB

A man and his wife were sound asleep when they were woken by a loud banging on their front door. "Who the f..k is that?" the man groans. "I do't know" says the wife, "Why don't you get up and find out?" The man gets up, opens the window, it's pissing down with rain, and see's a guy standing at the door, freezing cold with his hand's in his pockets and collar pulled up. " What the f..k do you want at this time of night?" the man shouts. "I need a push!" says the guy looking up "F..k off!" says the man and slams the window shut He gets back in bed and his wife asks him what was going on. "There was some guy at the front door wanting a push, so I told him to f..k off" says the man "That was a bit harsh" says his wife, "Don't you remember last week when we broke down and, if it wasn't for that really helpful man coming to our aid, we would have been stuck right out in the country all night!" "Go out and help him, he may be desperate" The guy groans, drags himself out of bed, and go's downstairs to the front door, he pulls on his waterproof coat and wellie's and go's outside in the appalling weather. "Ok, I'm here to give you a push, Where are you?" he shouts "Over here, on the swing" the guy shouts back.

How autumnal?? roasting your nuts on a fire

Heated seats??? oh my God how bikers have changed?? they'll be getting nail extensions next ??

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a policeman comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The policeman was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Politician was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of a country and the politicians who run it.

Well in theory chains should last the life of the engine, that's why they are used instead of belts, but in real life they do stretch, and tensioners do fail. I have not owned any of these engines, so have no practical experience of them. By nature motorcycle engines are highly stressed, they require oil changes at more frequent intervals than car engines. It may sound excessive but I used to change the oil every 1000-1500 miles, this helps prevent things such as cam chain tensioners working off oil pressure failing early. I do know from friends that these are good engines and give very little trouble, so I'd base my maintenance on how you use them. So assuming you're not racing or crossing the world your cam chains should be lasting at least 50,000 miles without stretching under normal use and same for the tensioners. By now they've been out long enough for there to be plenty of data and feedback from owners for reliability. Caution, remember most people only report when things are wrong, rarely when they're right, don't be scared by some reports. With chains there is always a slight rattle when cold, but this rattle should go at operating temps, people often confuse clutch rattle with timing chain rattle. So to answer your question about the chain tensioner and chain, remembering in theory the chain should last a long time:- 1/. Excessive noise change the tensioner 2/. If that doesn't work change the chain BUT don't forget noise can come from failing bearings, clutch and other engine parts, there should be a way of measuring chain stretch and when to change it. As it's the XR not the RR the engine produces less bhp and is not as stressed, which would be my personal choice of engine.

If the frame was that bent it wouldn't be rideable, this is a test for wheel alignment, especially chain drive. Frames normally bend at the headstock so examine that area for damage, you can actually see this if you're sitting on the bike in most cases, and bearings may be rough when bars turned. These bikes have a very strong cast alloy twin spar construction, personally I would prefer this model than the RR.

Having owned many bikes, quite a few of them BMW's the last one being one I almost lost my life on, and having stripped most of them down here's my two penneth (UK expression). 1/. Make sure you are rich, if you don't service your own servicing and spares are for millionaires. 2/. Insurance costs will be high 3/. Assuming you pass the first tests, see if you can get history and service intervals, oil changes are critical on these machines. Use and pay for an online history check, check service intervals have been done, stamped by genuine dealers (yes you can buy stamps off Ebay) if possible check with those dealers. 4/. Normal checks you do for any bike, beware of owner running bike before you get there to disguise cold starting noises. If you don't know what to look for take someone who does. 5/. Meet at their house, and go in, not a garage or park, and yes they do use other peoples houses to sell from. 6/. Loads more if you want more details PM me Looks a nice machine 7/. Oh yes, make sure it hasn't been raced look for drillings etc

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians". One week later, the British authorities reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all. Jack has therefore concluded that beyond 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

How many do you have before the beautiful pictures begin appearing Dot?

Yep, must have been the 'Kiss' of death?

No, always drunk

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her handbag And tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, She looks at the flabbergasted teller And without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great....just great.... Some arsehole's got my pen!'

And you think we hadn't guessed that??

That horse is amazing

Which ones tasted the best???

You are

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula............. "Fuck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

Especially for @BUDMAN, XI mitts now on sale in the shop, proceeds to his nominated charity Alcoholics Anonymous, where he is a lifelong trustee.

I love Subway, I hear Queenies also fond of a 12 inch?? my favourites the gluten free 6 inch breakfast sub, never knew you could get Chinese subs though Pete??

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?" I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken." She replied "You're having soup, *** hole. I was talking to the cat!"