RobMc

As I’m getting on a bit I am beginning to forget spellings and some maths formula (needed to calculate my morning tablets), Timmah is constantly admonishing me about it. So having stopped in my public toilets last week, to see if he was posing in front of the mirror, a notice scrawled on the wall caught my eye. ‘Correction lessons given’, Bingo, just what the doctor ordered I thought, that should get me back on track. So once I got home I excitedly got on the ‘land line’ to book my first lesson, the lady that answered had a very gruff voice and was very offhand, but hey ho the strictest teachers at school were generally the best. I fondly remembered old Raphie Lowe and the way he used his cricket bat on your skull to the beat of the lesson, I’ve never forgotten my two times table, but hated cricket thereafter, mind you I remembered googlies, as mine were black and blue. The neighbourhood her rooms were in was not the best, and some very strange looking women lurked behind twitching curtains, although to be fair I’m still a ‘looker’. I smiled when I pressed the doorbell and AC/DC’s Highway to Hell rang out, something we had in common I thought, I’ve got a doorbell too. ‘ENTER’ said this voice and I made my way down a dark corridor to a dim light at the end, must be an exam on I thought – but I was wrong. Pushing open the door this figure towered over me, 6 foot 3 inches tall, 350 lbs, stilettos and fishnets, and stuffed into the tightest leather suit you’ve seen. ‘OK, cash only she said, what’s your choice, whip, cane, hand spanking, nappies or the rack?’, what kind of teacher was this and where had she graduated from?, I asked myself, times had certainly moved on with modern teaching methods. ‘Errr’ I stuttered, ‘I would like to improve my scrabble scores and check my change at the over 60’s’, this left her lost for words, but she quickly recovered with a right hook Tyson would have been proud of. As I picked myself up she snarled ‘that’s only starters, see what I have for desserts’, she looked crestfallen when I informed her I was a diabetic and would skip desserts. ‘Are you sure you’re at the right place’ she asked? I was beginning to have doubts myself, but plodded on. ‘Shall we use the Oxford dictionary’ I suggested, turning round she pulled a large book off the shelf and whacked me with the New Cambridge first edition, I lost consciousness. When I came round I was lying on a bed naked, chained to the bedpost, ‘let’s get a move on’ she said, ‘I’ve an MP and two Judges booked in this afternoon’. ‘I must say madam I didn’t like the spelling lesson but you appear to have an even stranger way of teaching Maths’. ‘What the hell are you talking about’ she said ‘Spelling and Maths?’ I specialise in pain – giving it, now lie still’ I should be out of hospital some time next week

New colonoscopy gear for a certain member??????, he'll love the handcuffs, which end do you blow?

They're drawn like moths to a flame, and the hypocrisy and bitching are a joy, I loved it but it's not for the weak or faint hearted, you think Dragon bitched? he was a pussy compared to some on that server (wonder how many fingers I get lol). Take one of the later arguments here, when his bunny hopping was at it's height (he he) he attracted many grievances, his answer (and correct) was it was his style of play, now he doesn't like another style of play he goes 180 degrees, don't you just love them? In fact I think I'll return and get wiped out until I make them cry again, and boy do they cry if they slip down the listings. You and Dot get on there Key, you'll be divorced within a week

Bloody lounge lizard, the mans insatiable

Rose?, Rose? Rose? Will she ever forget? forgive me Rosie it was Dementia showing it's ugly head

Love the bitchin, surprised it's on the MW2 ftag server though ? (Now that's irony Timmah all these nice people fighting on such a friendly server)

I don't think she likes you any more ALL MINE

You got a tail too ?

Hasn't been high for a while now buddy

The chicken keepers anthem 'Gimme back my pullets'

That is really nice of you

Apparently examinations are free at the toilets in your local park - says a friend

Winding up @Ruthless ????????

The rarest (and therefore most expensive liquid) has to be a drop of sweat off @LaRSin's brow as the fckr runs round annihilating his opponents, probably only 2 a year.

A truly great band

Did you look forward to it and book a second opinion?

Now now don't be jealous, you'll always be NO 1

That must be lovely Pink and hubby @P1nh3ad, they must have met playing? Because sure as fck she wouldn't have picked him from a dating site picture? PS when you type @ and Pink her name doesn't come up??

This from a man who fills his blow up doll with helium so she plays 'hard to get'? methinks you're in the same boat as me and Wayne (and Timmah )

You know me Maz

The reason you're still single is you've played COD 10 hours a day for the last 10 years dear

Still is where I live, you won't believe the 'women'

Hey me and @Essssieeee have an understanding, I'm her Sugar Daddy

Same sex life as me and Wayne buddy?? never mind dreams are free

Yea yea yea, so you googled it before you bought it eh?