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Rodney Dangerfield.....


WolfTiS

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Rodney Dangerfield...........

 

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

 

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

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LOL...He always had some good one liners...SmileSmile

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Very funny guy, thanks Wolftis.

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I'd have to say he was the best.Plus he had those weird bulging eyes.

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GREAT STUFF.Rodney was the best.thanks

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Blackbart
LOL...He always had some good one liners...SmileSmile

 +1

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RIP Rodney - you rocked

Hard to believe he has been dead for over 6 years now

 

In honor

 

I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio

 

I know I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it

 

I have good looking kids. Thank god the wife cheats on me

 

I haven't spoken to my wife in 10 years - I don't want to interrupt her

 

I worked in a pet store but people kept asking how big would I get

 

I'm taking Viagra and prune juice. I don't know if I am coming or going

 

My mother never breast fed me. She said she only liked me as a friend

 

My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met

 

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I kept finding them

 

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

 

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

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