DEEJAYKEG

Can it be as simple as "Start>Default Programs>Set your default programs"?

We've witnessed the most dramatic end to an English Premier League football (soccer) season ever and this is how the world's commentators saw and described it. Personally, I commend the Argentinian but the Arabic commentator must win the prize for the most excited reaction to Sergio Aguero's winning goal! See: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/manchester-city/9264266/Sergio-Agueros-league-winning-goal-for-Manchester-City-brings-the-best-out-of-the-worlds-commentators.html

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law answered. 'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed. 'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained. 'Love dress? But you're naked!' 'Mike loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me.' The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. 'What are you doing?' he asked. 'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually. 'Needs ironing,' he said. 'What's for dinner? HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT.

Hope all the North American Mums have a grand day! (We celebrate Mothering Sunday on the fourth Sunday of Lent in the UK, so it happened on 18 March here.)

Half of it is INSIDE your body so do the maths again!

Exploring all these new game types is a real adventure and Beers and I had a bit of a chuckle earlier! BOOM! Thanks for all you are doing, mate. Appreciate it!

+1 God bless them all!

Is it right it's going to be a larger version of Caspian Border? I love that map...

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, "You're next, Chubby". I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.

Woo-hoo! I'm famous!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Manoover' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Welcome!

CTF, FFA & Domination = good. Headquarters = awful. Hide And Seek = very unusual, comical, bizarre! (With that Benny Hill music, I was looking for the tasty ladies! Must see if there's a beer bottle prop in the class...)

Forget guns... Just load up a Hummer with C4 and park next to the target. A problem I have is that lazy players always want to spawn/ jump into my vehicle bomb and then complain when I blow them up...

You have earnt the clap...

It only takes a Google search to establish that software to convert VVF to AVI format exists and so one claim is invalidated before even looking at the footage. It isn't at all convincing.

Happy Birthday, Mate!

Pleased you're adding mixers, Beers - hope they make your cocktails taste better...

This announcement has appeared on Facebook: "Xfire is currently undergoing unscheduled network maintenance to fix the login and 'unknown user' issues. We apologize for the inconvenience and will be back shortly." So, don't panic...