DEEJAYKEG

I recently went to a new G.P. doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I've just reached 55). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or spirits? 'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs? 'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said again....... He looked at me with a sad expression on his face and said,........... "Then, why the F %#* do you want to live to 85?"

It has but nothing to compare with our Cheddar, Stilton, Lancashire, Cheshire, Wensleydale, Red Leicester, Shropshire Blue, Double Gloucester, Cornish Yarg, Somerset Brie, shall I go on? The UK is cheese nirvana. OK, Roquefort is pretty amazing and Manchego is nice too and Feta ain't bad...

SLEEPING WITH PHIL - The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Phil, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Phil, and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Phil snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Phil shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Phil into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips. Phil sat up and watched me all night." With age comes wisdom. Goodnight Phil

Pity I missed you on that canal trip - watching the reaction of the landlord as you smashed the pint glasses in the fireplace would have been greatly entertaining! We love Russians...

You are most certainly correct! One of God's great gifts to mankind! You can eat it with olives, tomatoes, onions, bread, pickles and meats and it never fails to impress. Wash it down with beer or a good red wine or port. Fantastic! It is a hell of a name to live up to! All we need is a clan member called Bacon and we have heaven on our servers!

Ivanova (Babylon 5, played by Claudia Christian) is an all-time favourite of mine! Glamorous (I am a man, of course!), intelligent and with some similarity to the lady I wed. Actually, if you morphed Ivanova, Sigourney Weaver and Liv Tyler, one could get close but you'd need to add the ageing and the weight gain... <clang!>

May your loving memories ease your pain at this sorrowful time. Condolences.

"Me'sen"?! Tha's from oop north! Welcome!

Had to look it up as I am unfamiliar with the state but, boy, does that look a rough place to visit! I'd bet you are glad to get away from all that ocean, those yachts, the restaurants and probably the compulsory big game fishing? Hope the vacation has given you many happy memories you can replay as brain movies! Yes, give the liver a break. I gather that orange juice is healthy...

"Are you really a DJ?", ask some visitors to our servers. "I always have been and always will be", I reply. My initials, you see. Coincidentally, I have done some deejaying too, a long time ago (you'd get a clue as to how long when you see the music I post on here!). What about the "keg" bit? I am a keen beer-drinker. I love English real ales, German and Czech pilsners - the pure stuff, no unnecessary fizziness and definitely no chemicals. Here's my slogan:

Even the Campaign mode doesn't work properly...

A tiny fraction of usage here and I play most days. I have a 60GB cap and have exceeded it only once when my son decided to stream a movie at the end of a billing month.

Apparently the kill card doesn't show on hardcore any more. None of us know why... They seem to have done a great job with this latest patch!

The choppers still keel over when hit...

A study discovers that people aren't au fait with techspeak. 77 percent, for example, don't know what SEO is. Isn't that a good thing? http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57619901-71/11-percent-of-americans-think-html-is-an-std-study-says/?ttag=fbwp I'd post more but I have an appointment to have the doctor look at my CSS...

I don't live in litigious America. I've recently been watching videos of thousands of young people at a Christian rock group's gig in Texas. I didn't see any evil there and, if those ready to condemn would take the trouble to speak and interact with their young neighbours, they'd learn how kind and good they were. Elsewhere, I see young Americans in uniform, serving their country - don't see any evil there either. Apply logic, Captain. If an entire generation abandons the values and laws of its predecessor, society will collapse. Clearly, it has not collapsed, so the premise that much of the younger generation has gone bad is flawed.