DEEJAYKEG

Beware Ubisoft DRM/spyware!

Cheap Marlboro cigarettes! Equivalent price here is $14.15 per pack of 20.

Given enough notice, a plate of vindaloo and a gallon of beer, I could do one for "Passing gas"!

Unfortunately, the better marriage blanket video was not available in this country but maybe you can tell me if it has a carbon layer to absorb noxious night-time fart smells?

The premise of this post is flawed because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. On the topic of UK cheques, the assertion that they will disappear by 2018 is incorrect as this has been cancelled: http://www.paymentscouncil.org.uk/media_centre/press_releases/-/page/1575/ The "post office" means different things in different countries. In the UK, the Post Office is not responsible for the delivery of mail - that is handled by the recently-privatised Royal Mail. One thing that is certain to disappear would be your savings. Inflation coupled with record low interest rates means that not only is your money declining in value but this is not made up by interest earned. It is likely you are dipping into your capital just to get by! Another thing that has just about disappeared for the younger generation is any hope of ever owning their own home. Average house prices in the UK are now £250,000 (US$ 417,343). Shortage of supply and a failure by government to impose controls on inflation in this sector mean that only the sons and daughters of the rich will have this privilege. An absence of effective control on immigration has aggravated this problem (anyone from the EU can come and live here without permits or permission required.) Long-term contracts are on the way out. Zero-hours contracts are increasingly the norm and, coupled with minimum wage remuneration make for an impoverished workforce (another thing aggravated by migrant workers from less well-off EU states.) If you live in the UK, democracy is on the way out. Increasingly laws are imposed by unelected foreign bureaucrats in Brussels! (Personally, I hope to see this trend reversed after May 2014 when my party sweeps the board in the country in the elections!!!) If you are a man, it is likely that your hair will fully or partially disappear in your lifetime. If you are a man in your forties with a wife/partner of similar age, make the most of your lovemaking as, come the menopause, that is another thing that will disappear for good! Otherwise, aside from a lack of doughnuts, all is good.

Love, betrayal, forgiveness, redemption - it has it all...

I no longer do what I used to do but when I did what I did I ate a lot of doughnuts. My favourites were those with apple or apricot inside them. They were lovely doughnuts. When I stopped doing what I did before, I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes so I couldn't have any more doughnuts which is a shame as I did enjoy the doughnuts, especially the apple and apricot ones. After 30 years of doing what I did before, I had to think about what I wanted to do without doughnuts. Health was obviously more of an issue so I chose to work for Star Fleet as they have sick bays on their starships. I quite liked tinkering with networks and that sort of thing and the idea of protecting us from Klingons also appealed so I decided I would frustrate all phishers and those who'd Google me and try to work out the name of my first pet by describing my occupation as "systems engineer". In reality, the most complex thing I engineer these days is a toasted bacon and egg sandwich - not half as good as the doughnuts but it has no sugar in it. I do like beer...a lot...but I don't drink professionally. I like to think that, even if I cannot save the planet from Klingons, I can at least recycle lots of tin and glass. The taste of beer is nice too, though maybe not as nice as doughnuts (especially the apple and apricot ones - they were great). I would like to point out that none of my passwords are based on Star Trek and money/personal wealth is irrelevant in the 24th century anyway.

6 vs 6 in MP? Is it even worth it?

See you! See him! The Auld Alliance (Vieille Alliance) is as strong as ever, it seems! It looks as if you had a splendid time together. Well done, Mark, for showing such hospitality. Olive, you need to understand that the name "Jimmy" is a universal term there and is not a translation of "Olivier"! I trust the catering was more Isle of Skye smoked salmon and Aberdeen Angus steak than fried Mars Bar and fish supper? The French should be better off than we Sassenachs should the vote be for independence - no visas for them (I understand that, in French Law, a Scot can seek and gain French nationality quite readily due to the ancient ties). My main concerns would be for any impact on the supply of the aforementioned steak and salmon not to mention my favourite Orkney crab terrine... Scottish football is a different sport to the English Premier League but Celtic supporters do sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" and the friendlies at Liverpool are usually very cordial. Kenny Dalglish is a hero in both cities. I do trust you passed on my regards to Rab...

8.8 lunar distances (8.8 x 238,000 miles = 2,094,400 miles) isn't that close. When they approach <1 lunar distance, I'll stay up till 2am for an end-of-the-world party.

F**k Steam!

Psssst! Don't tell a soul... I HAVE POSTED OVER 4000 MESSAGES!

Three virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe". Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Great from beginning to end". Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes to read from the pack: "Super strong King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.. The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand .. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing.. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, "Air New Zealand ".. Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ. *'Ten times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.'* MUM FAINTED!!!

Sorry this is a bit late, Maz, but I wasn't around last week. I hope you enjoyed a great birthday!

Welcome!

Doesn't this work? http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/

You need kittens! http://youtu.be/KOmIDhBDoww

<yawn>

If you have not updated Flash player, you are advised to do so immediately. See: http://grahamcluley.com/2014/02/adobe-security-update-flash-player/

The Scandinavians like this sort of stuff. They go into saunas and beat each other with twigs then return outside and dive into freezing pools. Delighted that I am that we have an English Channel, I am also grateful for the North Sea...