DEEJAYKEG

Trust this is on your playlist @@djMot ...

Happy Birthday, Yoburt! Here's what happened in the month of your birth: http://www.historyorb.com/events/date/1934/july

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming to you Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair came in at eighty-to-one."

I feel a song coming on... http://youtu.be/lfGpVcdqeS0

Please enter your new password: "cabbage" Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. "boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. "1 boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. "50bloodyboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. "50BLOODYboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. "50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss, IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessnow Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow Sorry, that password is already in use.

If you're that concerned about what is in your beer, drink only German and Czech pilsners. The author of the article seems ignorant of the brewing process with his mention of "fish bladders"! I guess he's talking about finings that are perfectly normal additives at the end of the brewing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finings

Have you seen this @@MARKOFFXI ? How very kind of manager Neil Lennon and Georgios Samaras to give this young Downs Syndrome sufferer a treat he will not forget! Very touching video.

Yes, they are good laxatives for the more mature among us and should be readily available. I checked out the cab, hotel and rail costs and had to forget any chance of attendance. £228 for me without a sandwich or a single beer... I subsist on a pension. So enjoy, folks. Here are Bob's dates:

Cobra, wish you well for tomorrow, fella, and trust the surgery and recovery go well for you. If, by any chance, they do cut your nuts off instead, by accident, don't sweat as the compensation would buy a stupendous gaming rig and we wouldn't mind calling you "Shirley" afterwards.

Boldog szülinapot !

You obviously have a reason for not doing so. Care to share it?

Language is a funny thing. Separate people by a little war of independence and see what happens... Congratulations to the American - he came nowhere close in any of his guesses but was greatly inventive! http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/british-slang-as-guessed-by-american

Butter knife? LOL!

Congratulations! I feel a song coming on!

With our 28th due next month, I appreciate how patient you both are! Congratulations!

Happy Birthday, you old git!

Joyeux anniversaire, Olive! J'ai envoyé le pompier à ton adresse!

How I Lost My Teeth... ------------------------- I was in the Rose & Crown last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number! I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said, "I sure do." I said, " Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you're missing." My dental surgery is on Monday.

Get well soon. Mrs Keg has just recovered from a similar ailment that took two months to beat, two visits to GP surgeries and one to the hospital walk-in centre. Eventually, two weeks of an anti-bacterial drug saw it off. Don't be shy about pestering the medics if it won't go.