RobMc

You shouldn't be admiring it Vincent

Old joke The old farmer in Ireland says to his son 'Heres £30, get yourself to the market on Saturday and buy a new cock, the old ones on it's last legs' So dutifully the lad walks 10 miles into town, of course in the market square the pubs are open, being hot and thirsty he pops into one. The inevitable happens and he spends the money on drink, only £1 remains, OMG he thinks, my Dad will beat me black and blue. In desperation he goes around the sellers trying in vain to buy a healthy cockerel for £1, no luck. Then he comes across a stall where this cock is on a chain with a hood on it's head. Puzzled he asks the vendor why?, seeing his chance the vendor gives his sales pitch about not wanting to tire it out in the sun, but assures the boy that the cock is insatiable and just what he needs, so the deal is done. Arriving back at the farm the old farmer looks sceptically at the raggy bird, but decides to give it a chance, they go to the first henhouse, undo the chain and remove the hood. The cock blinks twice in the sunlight then jumps through the henhouse door, feathers fly everywhere and the squawking is tremendous. Five minutes later the cock struts out of the henhouse and dives in the next one, same thing, feathers fly. They look in the first henhouse and the hens are exhausted, literally shagged out, pleased the farmer says to his son 'lets have a cup of tea while the cock does his business'. They are just pouring the tea when glancing out of the window they see the cock, eyes closed on his back in the middle of the yard with vultures circling overhead. Thinking he's overdone it and dead they rush to the cock, just as they arrive he opens one eye, and from the corner of his beak says :- 'piss off, they'll be down in a minute'

Yuk, good Vodka ruined, wtf is 'Fairy Floss' ??? you Aussies gone rainbow ffs??

Yes but deliberately spelt incorrectly as 'a play on words', come on now Guru ?

Looks foul to me, but probably tastes like chicken, looks like he blew a fortune on it ?

True dat, @TBB says she's 'hot' too ?

I swear I won't sleep now Bullet

We'll help you Joe FU Budman

Did you spot any Russian tanks ???

You old lounge lizard you, I'll bet if it was Fred not Shelley their fingers would still be burnt, fit is she ??? Oh yes they have lots of power do girlies

Bless her, she's fighting back, well done girl, might even get her back to my cave for a flint napping session ?

You obviously research these things? in the 'heaps' at the 'love heart shop' are there any particular ones that appeal to you? When you rummage through them, at 'the love heart shop' what appeals to you? size, width, rigidity or flavour? We are fascinated with Aussie shopping, strewth Sheila, I never knew you had it in you (OMG what have I just said????)

Anything you recommend dear??

Did you get yours @TBB ????

Now you don't expect us to believe they can reach it without step ladders ??? Come on now EC

You big softy

You're probably better not knowing

Thanks for that buddy, some did, some didn't, that's life ps Look out the ones that didn't

It's an old one I've done before but still funny so thought I'd repeat it, how are you buddy?

No that's not you Budman and TBB, My most faithful and loving friend was my Border Collie Jess, bought from a farm on the Otterburn ranges From being a pup that dog followed me everywhere, slept at my feet, and worshipped the ground I walked on (not just you eh? @Majbasil) One day I went into the bath, and being tired I think I fell asleep Unbeknown to me he had lain down at the side of the bath I woke up with the water lukewarm and quickly stepped out of the bath Not realising he was there I stepped on his tail He was asleep too, and in a purely reflex action turned and bit my dick Had to get him put down Broke all his teeth

Any publicity is good publicity, please protect my co stars names, I'd hate to see @J3st3r sued

Hey now?, I've been going to sleep lately dreaming of Pengy and Roxy dressed in leather thongs telling me I've been a naughty boy and threatening to spank me, nothing wrong with me? Anyway doesn't everyone love sheep? over here we have a whole country (Wales) devoted to their comforts. ps Pengy I prefer the tassles

QUE ?????

You give her the envelope??? Remember Dollars not Pesos, she likes to travel

Happy birthday all, but especially to Queenie who we all have a soft spot for, happy birthday dear.