RobMc

Exciting New Venture Sorry I’ve been away so long but I have been investing a lot of time and money into my new business, I’m sure you’ll wish me every success, and ladies if you’re passing by I’ll give XI people a 50% discount. (Just mention me to the Madam on the door) As you’ll all recall I (like most of my contemporaries) used Facebook for years, and very successful it was too, however it had it’s limitations, especially on finding public toilets in parks, Not many turned up, I suspect they got lost, uncannily the local Police did not have this problem and I am great friends now with most of the WPC’s, who have a penchant for handcuffs and beatings, perfect. I accidentally stumbled upon these premises for rent, only 5 minutes from the local girls sixth form college, and in time for the school holidays, how lucky am I ???? I was a bit disappointed with the door number and I petitioned the lady on reception at the council for a change of 1 digit. However she threw me out when she asked did I want it going up or going down and my reply was ‘both’, last time they get my vote. I offer the following amenities to the young ladies :- 1/. Nude bathing area, well to be truthful 2 bags of builders sand in a corner of the back yard with an old golf umbrella and a kids paddling pool, thoughtfully under the surveillance of the rear security camera. 2/. Hot Rod surprise car training area, I chopped the rear end with the back seat off a Mondeo, painted it red and installed blackout curtains. I offer one on one training to the young ladies on how to conduct themselves in boyfriends cars, I’m all heart me. The surprise comes at the start when they ask where the ‘Hot Rod’ is – bless them, the look on their faces is priceless as they grasp it. 3/. Sun beds, (3 available) one way mirrors with an LED bulb, interconnected so the voyeur can swap tables when required (underneath). They may not get a tan but they will be ‘hot’, at least to the voyeur. 4/. Hot Pool, they are required to play with no clothes on, snooker is also an option - get it?), strict house rule – no licking the balls, that is cheating. 5/. Gambling room – Strip Poker 6/. Fun room – Pin the tail on the sixth former 7/. Preparing for after school (special lessons given by myself and the madam) – Stripping, finding a decent pimp, Street corner etiquette, hotel room selection criteria, and how to dress and undress 8/. The Discovery room – In line with modern thinking on discovering your true sexual leanings in your teens, Rob offers one to one ‘discovery lessons’. It doesn’t take many to decide which way you swing, ps girls only please, cross dressers etc not welcome (That means you Chris). 9/. Pregnancy advice – Rob will demonstrate how to get pregnant, think of the benefits (UK readers will get this) Grand opening tomorrow, that’s me outside doing my sales pitch with one of my chicks in the background, wish me luck.

PS Pete Remember in the political column when I pointed out I was worried by manoeuvres by the Russians on the Ukraine border and you said 'It was nothing to worry about?' Stick to the day job mate

Thank you Harry, I have returned especially to congratulate you on your common sense and wisdom, all the best Rob. See you up there my friend

I'm very hurt, I'm going to cry into my hanky and cuddle up to Monkie for support (no tongues mind) you beasts, snowflakes have feelings too ??

That's my middle mouse auto scroll fire finger, and I'd like you to know I got an AA+ rating on @EastCoast50's hygiene course, I failed the second part on a 'punch through' toilet exercise, waiting for a retake when I free the finger from EC, he seems to want to keep it????

Hold on - I'll get my magnifying glass

Ah? any of you remember the old Timmah ??, the wild boy, sex n drugs n rock and roll ? now it's gardening, soon the joints will be swapped for a pipe, slippers and gown bought for evenings listening to classical music in his rocking chair. We all get old buddy just accept it, your bunny hops will stop, your rifle waver and before you know it Budman will be kicking your ass. I never got to the Budman stage but we can swap stories about worms, compost and our favourite pesticides freely in these forums. How about a gardening section to go with shooting and fishing, you can post pictures of your cucumber, but not in mens toilets please.

Ah dear boy - allow me to let you sleep easy, you are quite right of course the comments are far too tame for these forums. Now this is where you kiddies and snowflakes stop reading while I put @Labob to rest. The TD9 rested, shagged out after f.....g up the beautiful forest, it nestled in a hole it had found before it slept, not the hole it originally intended to be in either, someone must have tampered with the fuel? Nothing felt right, everything was soft and floppy, whereas before it rested it was rock hard, pushing those trees aside with ease, it feared it had the caterpillar STD, rampant in North America since being brought from Mexico by @deerejon. No longer was it proud of being as powerful as a French Canadians 'tackle', but salvation was at hand, one day out of nowhere some sad fckrs who had no lives came to rescue him. Firstly they replaced the maple syrup in the tank, then they stimulated him with multiple strokes of his starter, he soon rose to be the dozer he had once been. With a mighty roar he kicked into life, crushing the sad fkrs under his tracks, including @KaptCrunch the man who had devoted hours to their repair. Satisfied he began levelling the trees in all of North America in an orgy of lust, could no one stop him unless they found the correct grade of bacon, the dozers Kryptonite equivalent, can anyone save the trees ????????????? Next chapter @piglo comes to the rescue better @Labob ???

Hell Beers, if you'd said we could have had a whip round to buy you some fresh food ?

I heard they 'let him go' when they found his anchor had 'dropped'

Blame @Icequeen for getting me interested in ploughing

Yea, the initiation ceremony deeply disturbed me, are you sure you are right about your definition of 'pinning the tail on the Donkey ?'

You are correct He has proved to be the greater, by far, of two evils Feel sorry for the USA

Hmmmm? I don't think this translates the way you meant Vincent, unless you are desperate to join the forums perverts club (President @TBB), (Vice President @TBB), (Secretary @TBB), (Treasurer @TBB) and (Publicity Officer @TBB), but if you are give one of them a PM.

Methinks you lead a sad life too Kapt?

About as much in your life as mine buddy eh ???? I got excited too.

At least the video lasted longer than me 'making love'

EC apologises for the inconvenience to all, he was looking for rattlesnakes after a 'heavy session' and mistook the manure pit for his bed.

Shit, how did you get hold of my 'dildo' testing??? That's industrial espionage Budman has a 50% stake, he'll be pissed

It's not easy teaching Basil things is it?

Sorry about the short break Basil, been gargling with bleach after the wife said I had a foul mouth, seems to have worked? Woke is a new method of swindling money on the pretext of racism, colour or privilege (you'll hear this often), Firstly you'll need a source of ready cash, anywhere in North America or Europe are just fine, then a politician with the brain the size of a pea (plenty about) to promote your cause. Then you need an obscure argument to claim your compensation, the further back in time the better, i.e. my family were Roman slaves (sue Italy), American slaves (sue the USA) or were transported (sue the UK), you get the idea, currently the slave thing seems the most popular. However worth a mention are were you wronged by a Royal in the past, is your university inclusive, did your family suffer from Viking raids (Norway is very rich and I'm filing a claim to get my gold back), the list goes on. You must be inventive and appear wronged by some cause, or something annoys you that is out of your control like a street name or pub sign that have stood for 300 years or more. Ignore the feeling of the majority as you and your fellow snowflakes must fight the people with privilege who work and pay taxes (aka ordinary folk), not your snowflake friends. Anyway the important thing of course is to try and extract cash out of these innocents whatever way you can, that is the basic principle. Of course when you win and are richer than them you must reassess your strategy, don't want you paying tax do we? After reviewing your circumstances I feel you may have a claim against her Royal Highness the Queen for not being included as one her maids in waiting.

Oh dear sweet Basil, I'm afraid the rough trade who lurk in these forums aren't for you, I have thought long and hard how to explain this to your sensitive nature, no way of dodging it I'm afraid, before we start look up the word 'fuck'. Cast your mind back to your wedding night, your new husband fiddling with your nightdress wasn't trying to adjust it dear lady, he had other intentions, this is where the word fuck emanates from and where your lovely kiddies started. Don't believe his lies about Pixies, the damp sensation was not Pixie dust my dear, sorry to break the news. Now not long ago in a far distant reality the American people decided it was in their best interests to put into power a senile old fool, with a dodgy family and the inability to remember even his name, oh how the world rejoiced. He was called Biden, and the people sang his praises at every public event, huge sections of the crowd singing 'Fuck you Biden', out of love. At one particular sporting event the crowd were singing Bidens praise when the winner who was called Brandon was being interviewed, he asked the commentator what they were singing and she said 'Lets go Brandon', the poor soul was obviously deaf. This went viral and the words of the song are now embedded not only in the USA but worldwide as a mark of our respect. LETS GO BRANDON Woke to follow, hope to have served you Rob (once your favourite target)

You're on, look forward to it, please stay away or play cod with beers, I'll handle it, thanks mate, owe you one

Oh yes, however the lovely Basil I'm afraid does not have our sense of humour - but 'in for a pound'

Good point, they still live in normality, seems to have bypassed us Signed Rob Adviser to @Chriswith his cross dressing problems @EastCoast50 with his drink and sexual fetishes @McGrim with his desire to lose his virginity and currently on the 3rd chapter of advice for @Icequeen on her 'ploughing' quest and inability to find the correct size 'share' @baldie - no hope son, beyond my powers