I had the soap in mouth thing once because of language. It didnt change on whether or not I thought swearing was ok. Just not to my grandparents. Did that change my behavior? Or did it simply mean it was the first time I segregated people and put them on a list? Maybe it was just an example that I should always show simple courtesy towards others and err on the side of not using it until I knew whether or not that elder was comfortable with it. Parents and grandparents generally are not. Uncles can be a different story and that is one thing I remember.
In any case beyond courtesy or simply being nice, which I show to everybody because thats the kind of person I am, for me respect must be earned. I dont care who it is or how old they are. To be quite rude if someone respects another because of physical harm then he is weak by comparison. Its fear not respect. Also, many fathers like to say never throw the first punch but always throw the last. He doesnt mean the goal is to get the other guy to respect you, but to fear you so it doesnt happen again.
Maybe its just semantics but if anything I learned by example not swats to the ass. If an alcoholic parent for example sees his young kid take a swig and spanks him, or worse, that likely wont change much of anything. The kid likely will have an alcohol problem himself by the time he is a teenager. The same can be said for an abusive husband or parent. The kids often are abusive themselves as adults. Kids can see through the usual 'do what I say not what I do' arguments. Or since they are mentioned here go back to those 50's and 60's with religiously intolerant parents, or various clergy, that forbade something as simple as dancing or listening to rock and roll. Teenagers did it anyways. The parents didnt know about it but when they did the teenagers were called 'rebellious' or 'disrespectful' and various punitive measures would be taken.
Funny thing... I have been told that my mother would swear like a sailor. But she never did around me. Well, maybe a few times when she was agitated at something.