Isn't Ageing Wonderful?

[DEEJAYKEG]

 

Isn't ageing wonderful?



 

ROMANCE

Alice was lying in bed one night. Art was
falling asleep but Alice was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked..

"To get my teeth!"

_____________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She
holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

_____________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just
can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her.

Finally she said,

"How soon do you need to know?"

_____________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway , his car phone rang..

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be
careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of
them!"

_____________________________________

SUPERSEX

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls
in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say " Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair , flipping her gown at him, she
said, " Supersex ."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

_____________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard . As they were cruising along, they came to major
crossroad . The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red  and they went on
through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, " Mildred , did you
know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"



 

[JohnnyDos]

I'm going to hate it when I get to that age,and I know mine is moving right along.Don't think this won't happen to you guys too you know.Funny stuff DeeJay.

[Syckle]

ha!