AyaqGuyaq

Happy birthday, Sam-I-Am, and Happy posthumous birthday, Cobra. Sam I am? Do you like green eggs and ham? Watch out for salmonella. Lol. Hope you both have wonderful days, sirs. Ayaq

@RobMc, so I'm in California now. You working on your scooter-catamaran yet? You can use a giant British flag as your sail. I can imagine you sailing through the Panama canal, throwing empty beer cans over the side. Lol. Ayaq

Nice fish, bud. We call the fish you caught "bait" in Alaska . . . Not trying to draw your spotlight or steal your proverbial "thunder." Lol. Ayaq cc: @RobMc, 'cause I can't wait to hear what he has to say. P.S. - laughing my ass off in advance.

Or maybe Minnesotan voice? Hmm? Lol, again. Ayaq

(In Yoda voice) "Proud, you must be, hmm?" Lol. Ayaq

Lol, Lady Invalid. JK, Sweetheart--the Beelzebub made me do it!! Lol, and welcome to the club, Buzzer. Ayaq

LMAO, buddy. At the hotel I'm staying at now, there is a hilly pasture across the highway (maybe I'll upload a picture, if I only knew how) where cows and horses graze every day. I imagine that I have my trusty Remington .03-06 rifle with my Leopold variable scope in my hands, with two 10-round clips at the ready, and that the cows and horses are moose or caribou. I pretend to aim and "place" my shots, even given the wind conditions. If I DID have my trusty rifle, there'd be a broken window in my hotel room and a whole-lotta dead cows and horses lying down in the field. Lol. JK--we don't engage in "wanton waste" activities in Alaska. You eat what you kill. All those dead horses and cows would feed the homeless population for months. And, I'd probably carve out a steak, or two. Or three. I've also imagined jumping the fence and straddling a live cow to carve out a steak. Lol. Like the guy I talked to in Alaska, on the way to the Alaska State Fair in Palmer. Traffic was always backed up just before the entrance, and Palmer, Alaska, is where the farms are: that's where the world's largest cabbages, turnips, buds, etc.. are grown because of the long daylight hours. @SGTSmeg knows. Lucky guy, he was there. Any-hoo, the traffic was backed up getting into the fair, and this farmhouse to the right had a three-legged pig hobbling around in the pen. Since we weren't going anywhere fast, and since a man (whom I assumed was the home-owner) walked out the front door, I hopped outta my Ford F-150 and scurried over to him. "Sir, you have a nice-looking farm. I gotta ask you, what's up with the three-legged pig?" He replied: "That pig, Esmerelda, is special. Our house caught on fire last fall, while all of us were sleeping. Esmerelda broke through the gate, broke down our front door, and ran up the stairs screeching, which woke us all up in time to get out of the house. She's a special pig, she is." I said, "So how come she only has three legs? Did she lose one in the fire?" He said, "Oh no! When you got a special pig like that, you don't eat it all at once." Lol. Huh? Ayaq

Hey, buddy, I'm still in a hotel room, taking Uber to and from work. Still looking for an apartment, but there's no real rush because the company is paying for my hotel stays and sending me Uber gift cards, with a note saying "Just call if you need more . . ." Loving my new job as Leasing Officer. I am fully engaged: breaking down leases, creating Excel worksheets w/ accompanying graphs, writing supporting memos with conclusions, options, and recommendations (for multi-million dollar contracts), etc. I am in my element. This is the kinda stuff I learned getting my MBA degree. This is the kinda stuff that "gets my rocks off." And, the company is paying me the salary I asked for, and they paid my way down here. "Down here," because everything is "Down there" when you're from Alaska. You know--you've been there, lucky guy. Lol. When I DO find a place, I'm gonna buy a new computer and get back on COD4--Server #1, the best server!!--and nade yo' ass. You got sumthin' fo' me? Don't forget who was called the "Nade King" in our [B1] Station server, bud. Lol. Again. Ayaq

Anyone know who Jim Nantz was? My son, Casey, who just completed his junior year at Indiana University (Go Hoosiers!!) was named to the Top 20 Honorees for collegiate sports-announcers. Here's the link: https://staatalent.com/all-america-program And my daughter, Isabella, who just completed her junior year in high school, is in the National Honors Society with a 4.0 GPA, and plays the violin, in addition to getting leading rolls in "singing plays." And, she sang the "National Anthem" (as an 8th-grader) in front of a crowd of about 2,000 during Alaska's state-wide basketball tournament. (In Yoda voice) "Proud Dad, I am." I am truly blessed. Thank you, Lord. Ayaq, aka "Paul Roehl" cc: @RobMc, the Blighter

Sweet @Scarlett, that is a gem. You're batting "a thousand" so far. Unlike some other joke posters here. I'm not gonna mention any names, but his initials begin with "Rob" and end in "Mc." @RobMc? Lol. Love ya, man (no not you, Sweet Scarlett--him!), in a, well, you know. Ayaq

Oon-Chillay-No wore the brass off of it, what you saying, buddy? What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? Lol. Ayaq

Why don't you stalk @SGTSmeg? And invite @RobMc--he can giggle quietly while you're stalking around. LMAO!! Oh yeah, and welcome. Stalker. Lol. Ayaq

Lol. Good luck, Sammy. Ayaq

Happy birthday, Stone-Cold Silva and Kevin ("Dances with Wolves") guy. (In Yoda voice) "Costner, even?" Lol. Happy birthday, gents. ? Lol. Gents. For sure. ? Ayaq

Damn, you sound like a "stalker." You can stalk the guys, but you gotta leave the Lovely Ladies of >XI< be. Lol? Stalker, creeping and lurking about . . . Ayaq

@TBB's motor home? Dunno. Ayaq

I woulda broke his neck . . . Just sayin'. Ayaq

Happy birthday, gentlemen. Ayaq

Maybe the sharks have taste, buddy? I don't know, just askin'. Maybe the sharks are allergic to toxins? Still wonderin'. I was swimming off the beach offa Waimai Bay in Oahu, trying to get back to my wife, son, and daughter, about 500 yards (450 "metres," if you're @RobMc or @Athena). Unbeknownst to me, the prevailing currents run east-to-west, so I was being drawn out in the ocean. I was so busy taking underwater pics of the silvery fish swimming next to me that I didn't check my bearing. When I finally stopped to see where I was, thinking that I shoulda been close, I was about 500 yards off-shore. I looked around--no one within 300 yards of me--and looked down, and all I saw was black. I started turning around looking for shark fins, and started swimming for life, imagining that the sharks were circling below, eyeing their next feast. I'm 6'1" tall and about 230 lbs., kinda chunky, but I "hold it well." When people say "Fat floats in salt water," it's a lie. Even with a lung-full of air, I still sink like the proverbial stone, so I have to actively swim. When I finally felt sand underneath my feet, I stood there, hands on knees, breathing heavily, and my ex-wife came up to me and said "Paul, where have you been?" I pointed out to the ocean and said, "Holy crap, I was way out there!!" She said, non-chalantly, "Oh, I was wondering where you were." Those sharks woulda feasted for at least a coupla weeks. Lol. Ayaq

You look like you're trying to follow the police officer's pen as he waves it side-to-side. Looks like an epic fail. Just observin'. Ayaq

You're right, Sweet Rose--he seems to be enjoying that position more than Kate Winslet did . . . Lol. Ayaq

In a 737 flying over Frenchi's house? Looks about right . . . Lol. Ayaq

LMAO!!! Mule, your comment was priceless. Remember the term "GIGO?" Garbage In, Garbage Out? Know "SISO: Scoville In, Scoville Out." Hmm? Ayaq

Yeah, careful with Sweet Wild Penguin, though--she complains when she has to thaw you over and over and over . . . Lol. Ayaq

In your bedroom? Just guessin', bud. Ayaq