JohnnyDos

Two Trees and a Woodpecker It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a 'birch' and a 'beech', are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch? The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’ The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch....It is, however, the best piece of 'ash' I have ever poked my pecker into.

Hey DiggyDoc,you picked her and she picked you,nothing we can do,you just have to deal with her and she with you.Or you have Goofloops' suggestion which I really don't like,better to use the LastColdBeers Idea.Smile and say "yes dear"

Olive great photography and soundtrack as usual ,but it told me I had to sign in to view the street art,said it was a private video.But I liked the drinking Frenchmen and chicks clip and this one of you with the cool hat and >XI< T- Shirt..

Time for new games LaBob, it's old now.You can still have a breakfast club with a new game.Remember the Breakfast Club started when Killa(RIP) was still with us and I believe that was when this clan started with COD 2.It was named that because a few of us early risers would play very early in the morning with Noddy,Collin,Newf, Caper and myself.Like they say nothing lasts forever.It's too bad companies don't give us the modding and map tools like they used to like on older games.And djMot and 2 Many Beers tried very hard to keep that server going.I,myself haven't played that game for at least a year now.Maybe I should've remained an ADM.but when I upgraded my PC I wanted to try different games.Right now I like games that when you get wounded you are not able to run full blast as if nothing happened to you,I'd say a little more realistic.And none of this bunny hopping crap and stepping in and out and in between bullets without a scratch.Rainbow 6 Siege and Far Cry 4 are my favorites for now.

"Is it the Chad?"

Bazza,Hxtr brings humour to our website and he can take all the crap people say about him.The website would be full of "happy birthday" posts without him.Makes me chuckle.

Good job HXTR I'm in about the same class as you,but I didn't realize it's been 10 years for a few of us.Joined when COD2 was out .Let's see been retired for 13 years this June and COD 2 came out so I guess I and Capt.Tenneal have been here for 11 WOW.That's a lot of donations Rugger and you never even bought me a Beer.But that's OK.I like playing here and met quite a lot of friends in person by attending all of our >XI< fests.

Now the training begins,things will be picking up,if you know what I mean.Nice dog.I know cause that's how old my boxer was, she's 10 weeks now and getting better at telling us when it's time to go out.

You're right NousDefions,Pacific assault was crap,my buddy has it and told me it was crap.I really enjoyed Allied Assault and Spearhead and Breakthrough was so so,but not bad then that franchise went down hill from there.Spearhead was the best of the bunch,hundreds of maps and mods.We used to use Game Spy to join a game,but that no longer exists.A lot of servers would ban you automatic temporarily if you bunny hopped as it was considered as a hack(something to do with the hit box) also when you got wounded you wouldn't be able to run at full speed,you had to heal yourself or be healed by a friend.

Real rare SOB,I can't remember all those theme songs maybe one or two,but I do remember some of the actors.

THIS IS A VERY TOUCHING STORY, VERY HARD TO READ, ABOUT TWO BROTHERS WHO WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH. IT'S A STORY OF LIFE & DEATH, AND THE CRUEL TWIST OF FATE. IT'S CERTAIN TO STIR YOUR HEART AND TOUCH YOUR SOUL. HAPPY EASTER !

Just rain in Windsor ON.

Thanks for looking it up for me DeeJay,I prefer for it to be in April.Feels more springlike around here.

Donald Trump addressed a major gathering of the American Indian Nation. He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. Though vague in detail , he spoke about his ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers." Afterwards, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle", which he proudly accepted. After Trump left, a news reporter asked the chiefs how they came to select this name. They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.

Thanks Everyone! As we progress into 2016, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose. Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet. I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life. I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .... Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over. I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. and by the way... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.. NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Very sad news and like SOB said only 45. RIP afroman.

THE ITALIAN WEDDING I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate she never did it around anyone else. One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me". I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment....then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Whippo, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son..' And the moral of this story is: . . . . . . . Always keep your condoms in your car!

Happy Birthday Markoff

Johnny_Dos