3rdCdnInfty Posted June 21, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Posted June 21, 2011 Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. You've been too drunk to fish. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people". You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, "Y'all come look at this before flush it!" You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year." You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is! Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end." Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?". Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!". You can belch and say your name at the same time. The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions. Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup. Awards
LtLaszlo Posted June 21, 2011 Member ID: 151 Group: ++ COD2 Admin Followers: 62 Topic Count: 189 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9238 Content Per Day: 1.61 Reputation: 24523 Achievement Points: 95480 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 323 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Thursday at 12:25 AM Birthday: 05/17/1959 Device: Kindle Fire Posted June 21, 2011 LMAO!! It's amazing that new ones keep coming out, with as many as I've seen!! Hehe...wife's beer belly attractive....haha!! Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 21, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 21, 2011 LtLaszlo LMAO!! It's amazing that new ones keep coming out, with as many as I've seen!! Hehe...wife's beer belly attractive....haha!! hahaha I know right Awards
PigDog Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 222 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 88 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 3847 Content Per Day: 0.67 Reputation: 1628 Achievement Points: 25635 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 1 Birthday: 02/05/1968 Device: Windows Posted June 22, 2011 You might be a redneck if....... .........your family tree has no forks..... .........You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." .......You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. .......You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Bump! Awards
StormCrow Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 480 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 74 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2701 Content Per Day: 0.47 Reputation: 5075 Achievement Points: 46666 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 37 Joined: 09/21/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 10 hours ago Birthday: 03/11/1975 Device: Android Posted June 22, 2011 If you have ever been accused of lying through your TOOTH... you might be a redneck! If you have ever climbed to the top of a water tower, with a bucket of paint, to defend your sisters honor.... you might be a redneck! Awards
Blackbart Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 51 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 51 Topic Count: 342 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 5974 Content Per Day: 1.04 Reputation: 3766 Achievement Points: 45818 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 27, 2021 Birthday: 06/26/1949 Posted June 22, 2011 If you think one of your five senses is a penny you might be a redneck... Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 22, 2011 lmao, good one guys haha Awards
MadMonk64 Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1959 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 114 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 272 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 95 Achievement Points: 2569 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/09/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 26, 2022 Birthday: 05/30/1946 Posted June 22, 2011 Adding to the pile, Forgive me if I repeat anything. I was traveling through south Georgia yesterday and noticed a lot of signs saying "pecans ahead." Wouldn't "restrooms ahead" be more appropriate? What do rednecks call ductape? Chrome. An infinite number of rednecks, in an infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, will produce all the great works of literature - in Braille. I just received Alabama's new state quarter. It is two dimes and a nickel taped together. What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo? On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe. Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen. What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas? Nice tooth! Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years. What do a divorce in Tennessee, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? Somebody is fixin' to lose them a house trailer. Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? 17 and under are not admitted. What do you get when you have 32 Tennesseeians in the same room? A full set of teeth. Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the Tennessee? Everyone there has the same DNA. Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Tennessee burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park. A new law was recently passed in Tennessee. When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister. You know right away the band Barenaked Ladies is from Canada because if they were from Georgia, they would be called Bucknaked Women. How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead." How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck. Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! What do they call "Hee Haw" in Arkansas? A documentary. What do they call it in Kentucky? "Life Styles of the Rich and Famous." Why did God invent armadillos? So that rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell. At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'" "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'" Two good ole boys, Billy Bob and Joe Bob were hunting one a sunny day. Now Joe Bob was not the brightest person in the world. They came up on a pretty young girl sunbathing in the nude. Billy Bob jumped up and said, "Boy, she looks good enough to eat." So, Joe Bob shot her. Two Tennesseeians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other. One is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in the bag?" "Just some chickens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "Heck, I'll give you both of them!" "Okay. Five?" Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll from?" The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where ya'll from, bitch?" Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in West Virginia. Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush." A Tennesseeian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "Okay" replied the fireman, "How do we get there?" "Don't you still have those big red trucks?" Awards
MadMonk64 Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1959 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 114 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 272 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 95 Achievement Points: 2569 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/09/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 26, 2022 Birthday: 05/30/1946 Posted June 22, 2011 While I am at it: Redneck dictionary Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable \uh-avoy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with. Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse \i-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does. Left Bank \left' bangk'\: What the robber did after his bag was full of loot. Misty \miss'-tee\: How golfers create divots. Paradox \par'-of-docks\: Two physicians. Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm. Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with. Primate \pri'-mate\: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. Relief \ree-leaf'\: What trees do in the spring. Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: What you do to relax your wife. Seamstress \seem'-stress\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six. Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued \some-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man. Sudafed \soo'-da-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 22, 2011 lol, good ones madmonk Awards
PnBear Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 467 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 59 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1721 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 279 Achievement Points: 10631 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 24 Birthday: 09/11/1968 Device: Macintosh Posted June 22, 2011 Redneck word of the day : "OBAMA"… I BOUGHT ME A CASE OF BEER AND DRANK IT OBAMA SELF! Awards
PnBear Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 467 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 59 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1721 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 279 Achievement Points: 10631 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 24 Birthday: 09/11/1968 Device: Macintosh Posted June 22, 2011 Redneck WORD OF THE DAY:.... mayonaise.... "Mayonaise some big tires on dis truck!" Awards
PnBear Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 467 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 59 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1721 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 279 Achievement Points: 10631 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 24 Birthday: 09/11/1968 Device: Macintosh Posted June 22, 2011 Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM When all my family gets in the car, there's not mushroom. Awards
TBB Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20475 Content Per Day: 3.65 Reputation: 22508 Achievement Points: 147881 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 393 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 10 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Posted June 22, 2011 Some good ones - thanks for the laughs bubba1 and bubba2. Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 22, 2011 bubbbaaaa! haha Awards
Bushape Posted June 22, 2011 Member ID: 839 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 18 Topic Count: 83 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1334 Content Per Day: 0.24 Reputation: 64 Achievement Points: 7776 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/05/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 12, 2020 Birthday: 07/17/1958 Posted June 22, 2011 Now thats some good shit I tell ya. Took a while to read all of that. Funny shit. Thanks for the laughs. Awards
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 23, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 23, 2011 lol bump Awards
Angel Posted June 23, 2011 Member ID: 46 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 104 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4326 Content Per Day: 0.75 Reputation: 2974 Achievement Points: 34860 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 12 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: September 29, 2024 Device: Windows Posted June 23, 2011 I have nothing to say.......
3rdCdnInfty Posted June 23, 2011 Member ID: 1444 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 412 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 3808 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 1509 Achievement Points: 25301 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 9 Joined: 05/24/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 28, 2023 Birthday: 05/01/1988 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Angel I have nothing to say....... haha lmao Awards
Toothpick Posted June 23, 2011 Member ID: 1891 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 12 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1092 Content Per Day: 0.21 Reputation: 4 Achievement Points: 6106 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/14/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 17, 2012 Birthday: 03/19/1985 Posted June 23, 2011 there realy is an ufo-hotline?
kswift420 Posted June 23, 2011 Member ID: 1071 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 22 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 879 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 261 Achievement Points: 5414 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 5, 2017 Birthday: 12/29/1974 Posted June 23, 2011 SO WHATS WRONG WITH BEING A REDNECK???? I HAVE BEEN ONE ALL MY LIFE!!!!
Recommended Posts