Merlin007 Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 2068 Group: +++ COD5 Head Admin Followers: 71 Topic Count: 1130 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 8588 Content Per Day: 1.63 Reputation: 7561 Achievement Points: 76635 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 67 Joined: 12/25/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 05/23/1973 Device: Android Posted April 11, 2013 IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER! These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place: ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. codpiece, eidolonFIRE and Pharticus 3 Awards
Hemps Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 1482 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 37 Topic Count: 120 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2018 Content Per Day: 0.37 Reputation: 1440 Achievement Points: 15303 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/05/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 3, 2024 Birthday: 07/13/1967 Device: Windows Posted April 11, 2013 lol. Awards
Hunter1948 Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 1850 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 98 Topic Count: 328 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 8620 Content Per Day: 1.61 Reputation: 4222 Achievement Points: 55994 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/29/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 06/19/1948 Posted April 11, 2013 LMAO good 1 Awards
Prinny Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 2887 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 24 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 353 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 440 Achievement Points: 2705 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/14/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 21, 2017 Birthday: 08/15/1985 Posted April 11, 2013 lol no way! How can they be so stupid!!!
TBB Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20573 Content Per Day: 3.67 Reputation: 22608 Achievement Points: 148497 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 397 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 52 minutes ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: iPad Posted April 11, 2013 lmoa - thanks Awards
Syckle Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 2694 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 432 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 326 Achievement Points: 5572 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 07/26/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 27 Birthday: 08/11/1965 Device: Windows Posted April 11, 2013 good one! Awards
Boo Yaa Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 22349 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 766 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 3 Achievement Points: 4612 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/15/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 5, 2015 Posted April 11, 2013 Oldies but goodies, thanks!
Pharticus Posted April 12, 2013 Member ID: 1320 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 7 Topic Count: 37 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 611 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 357 Achievement Points: 4498 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/10/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 22, 2024 Birthday: 01/14/1976 Device: Windows Posted April 12, 2013 lol no way! How can they be so stupid!!! We are talking about lawyers you know.... Awards
Prinny Posted April 12, 2013 Member ID: 2887 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 24 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 353 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 440 Achievement Points: 2705 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/14/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 21, 2017 Birthday: 08/15/1985 Posted April 12, 2013 lol no way! How can they be so stupid!!! We are talking about lawyers you know.... lol I know now
eidolonFIRE Posted April 12, 2013 Member ID: 2759 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 17 Topic Count: 199 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 3496 Content Per Day: 0.70 Reputation: 3021 Achievement Points: 26464 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 3 Joined: 08/22/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 16, 2017 Birthday: 07/27/1990 Posted April 12, 2013 lol! good laugh! Especially that last one.. lol!
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