As far as I got

[ROADKillXI]

A man walks into a pub after a hard day of work for a relaxing drink and some grub to eat. As he finds a seat at the bar, he notices a bowl of chili the fella next to him has. It looks and smells very good, so he orders a bowl for himself and commences  consuming it. All the time he's enjoying his meal, the fella next to him just sits there sipping his bear, but doesn't touch his bowl.  After he finishes, and sits there for a few minutes and notices his neighbor hasn't touched his chili.  He turns to the man and says, "That chili was very tasty,  aren't you going to finish yours?"  the fella replies, "Nope, I'm good."  "Well then, mind if I finish yours too?"  

"No, knock yourself out."  he replies.

So he commences eating the chili and about half way though, he finds a big roach in it which makes him a bit nauseous. Not having enough time to run to the restroom, and in a bit of a panic, he desperately searches for a place to throw-up and ends up returning the contents of his stomach back into the bowl.  To which the man next to him replies, "That as far as I got too."

[Gatorgirl]

Ewwww!!!!!

[AthenA]

I second GatorGirl : ewwwwww ! 

[Bazza]

lol. mix it back in pot!!!!

[AyaqGuyaq]

That is indeed disgusting.  Why chance the bowl, with inherent danger of splatter, when you have a perfectly good wooden floor at your feet?

 

This well-dressed lady was walking in front of an exotic, street-side pet store.  The store owner had his parrot, with cage, hanging off a pole outside the store's entrance.  As she walked by, the parrot squawked "Awk!  You fat, ugly bitch!  Awk!"  The lady glared at the parrot and walked past.

 

She was walking by the same store the very next day, and as she strolls past the parrot, he squawks again, "Awk!  You fat, ugly bitch!!'  Awk!!"

 

In a huff, the lady storms into the store and confronts the owner.  "My husband is the most powerful lawyer in town!  If you don't get your damn parrot to stop insulting me like that, I'll sue you for everything you're worth."  The manager nods silently.

 

Twenty-four hours later, the lady approaches the pet store to see if she would:  (1) be looking forward to a nice check, and, failing that; (2) at least see if the parrot was indeed reformed so she would get her just-due respect.

 

As she approached the parrot, she couldn't help but smirk and see what would happen.  The parrot glances at her, looks away, then squawks, "Awk!  You, well, you know!  Awk!!"

[AyaqGuyaq]

I don't mean to come across as "sexist," but I tried changing the roles, and it wouldn't work because it involves cars and car maintenance.  I apologize in advance if I hereby offend any ladies, or any men who hope to one day become ladies, with the following, true story (names may have been changed to protect the innocent):

 

On a cold, February day here in Anchorage, Alaska, I was walking on a downtown street to head back to a meeting.  There with a guy in the middle of an intersection, looking under his car's hood, trying to re-start his car that had obviously seen much-better days.  This lady in a grey Mercedes (trademark) was behind him, honking her horn 'cause she wanted to make the green light.  The light turned red, and after a bit, turned green again, after which the lady began honking her horn incessantly and yelling out her window.

 

The man got out from under his hood, walked over to the lady's open window and said, "Ma'am, if you go get my car started, I'll stay back here and honk your horn for you."  Ayaq

 

I

Edited October 3, 2015 by AyaqGuyaq