So Sexy! You Guys Gotta Try This.

[BurnnBright]

 

 

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Increased Sports Performance Bonus, 24 April 2012

 

 

By

Tagnutt Mandeville - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags, especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his famous lunchbox.

 

Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat.

 

He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try.

 

Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses. As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub, annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork.

 

I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within 12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse barnacles had all but disappeared.

 

When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water jump to wash the stuff off.

 

Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read. However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15 stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't recommend it for the beach volley ball team.

Edited January 16, 2013 by BurnnBright

[hxtr]

humm.. does it work BB. hahahahaha I want to get some then video trying it out. lol

Edited January 16, 2013 by hxtr

[Giggles]

Having recently decorated the house, I decided to use the tube of Veet to clean the paint brushes from the crusted-on, Brilliant White Liquid Gloss (non-yellowing formula).

Suffice to say, the paint was completely removed!!!...as were the bristles, the metal ferrules and most of the wooden handles. Looking good. Job done!

On this positive note, next steps were to have a go at the hairy old man and the squirrel's nut sack. First off, the mild tingling sensation was not unpleasant, but after 5 minutes the growing, burning pain was like having my gentlemen's regions dipped in Nagha Ghost chillies, then being toasted by the hot firey magma from Mount Doom. The end of my manhood now resembled the fiery eye of Sauron.

Then the sensation worsened and I felt nauseous with the pain. I tried dipping my bits into a sink of iced water, but as I lowered myself in, the intense, radianting heat vapourised the water and crystallised the enamel coating. As this point I passed out.

I awoke on the floor (several days?) later with the feeling that my bits had been trodden on by a T-Rex, dragged through a cactus patch, and tanned into a new leather pouch by an eskimo wanting somewhere to keep his sharpened fish hooks.

6 months after the expert workmanship from a team of plastic surgeons, the grafts have finally taken, and I can confidently say that I am now hair and genitalia, if not pain, free. The mild glow from the skin below my waist is also handy in the dark, when finding my way home from the pub, or changing a fuse in the mains box.

I may never walk again or father children, but I can only recommend this 5 star product to anyone willing to give it a go.

[Bogleg]

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

 

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .

 

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...

Edited January 16, 2013 by Bogleg

[GorillaXI]

This is certainly a good product, I highly recommend it. Only put a little bit on my poor little hamster Barney, to see if it really worked. well I didn't really put it on him, I couldn't catch the little bugger but managed to chuck a bit which just landed on his backend. His poor little bum has currently passed the red phase and now on the point of turning yellow. He can't stop chasing himself and is still running round in ever decreasing circles. He's swallowed his tail a few times but he goes a bit too far sometimes insomuch as I've had to pull him out of his own arse 13 times. He'll choke himself soon if he doesn't stop it. Silly thing!

[BurnnBright]

There's a fine line between pleasure and pain, 23 Dec 2012

 

 

By

BenK - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

I didn't really believe all this metrosexual manscaping stuff until a female friend pointed out to me quite reasonably that what's good for the goose is good for the gander' and if I wanted the fairer sex to take a gander at the lower plenty region then I should consider my options.

 

my first sculpting attempt was with scissors and a razor and that didn't turn out too well. Needless to say I'm not Edward Scissorhands (in fact I'm not any Johnny Depp character). But I digress, and I was eventually guided towards Veet Hair Rmoval Cream.

 

I'm not going to say I hate the person who suggested Veet because like any typical male, I chose to forge on without reading the warning label. I was more concerned at this stage with getting the blue vein cigar looking like a Cuban. The product comes with a convenient applicator and so I slathered the stuff on around the yam bags and the tummy handle like Rolf Harris slapping up a caricature.

 

The Buddhists believe in the seven circles of life. This was like dying and being reincarnated as a pig on a spit, complete with a red hot rod running right up the chocolate highway - seven times. I went into survival mode, intent on getting the vital organs to safety, as it felt like I'd been shot in the groin by a flame thrower. My first thought throughout the delirium of pain was to apply something cold and I found a face cloth in the bathroom, ran it under the cold tap and literally jammed it up my anus. This did nothing so I found the old sportsman's stand-by, a bag of frozen peas, in the freezer. I put he peas on the kitchen floor and sat on them, then shuffled my arse up and down the kitchen like a dog pleasuring itself on the grass that makes those annual funniest home video shows. I didn't realise at the time but I was screaming, a point only made clear to me when my flat mate and his girlfriend walked in on me, wondering what I was doing to their frozen vegetables.

 

Only when the torture subsided did I manage to check on the situation south of the border to find something akin to a turkey's neck that had blushed furiously after hearing an unpleasant story, albeit a completely hairless turkey. This proved two things to me; that the product worked a treat, and that men are better off hoping for the return of the hursuite 70s. Ten times as ugly but a million times less painful.

Edited January 16, 2013 by BurnnBright

[BA_Sniper]

oh god bogleg, I hadn't laughed that hard all week.....love this post

[Sf.Petru]

Underarm hair, hair between the buttocks, back hair, chest hair, nose hair, ear hair, leg hair, hair, hair, hair .....

If you have it ... paint it, trim it, put it on rollers .....but keep it.

You risk to get like the man from this commercial for a good Romanian beer.

She finally tells him that: "You're not the man that I fall in love!?"

 

 

Be a man not a toy!

What?

Yes dear ... I'm coming ....

[TBB]

lmfao

[1Tigerlily]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXeX5kJF00M

[1Tigerlily]

[Joe Canadian]

There's no way I would use this product to get my hair? removed, are you people nuts? A hairy guy is supposed to be sexy, have you checked the ingredients?

 

 

Ingredients

 

Aqua

Urea

Romanian radioactive isotopes

Hxtr's armpit extract

Cetearyl Alcohol

Potassium Thioglycolate

Calcium Hydroxide

Ceteareth-20

PPG-15 Stearyl Ether

Magnesium Trisilicate

Potassium Hydroxide

Propylene Glycol

Lithium Magnesium Sodium Silicate

Butyrospermum Parkii Butter

Prunus Dulcis

Acrylates Copolymer

Sodium Gluconate

BHT

Hydrated Silica

Parfum

Citronellol

Hexyl Cinnamal

Linalool

Uranium

Butylphenyl Methylpropional

Alpha Methyl Ionone

CI 77891

Edited January 17, 2013 by Joe Canadian

[BurnnBright]

5.0 out of 5 stars In every man's heart there is a devil, but we do not know the man as bad until the devil is roused, 20 May 2012

 

I accidentally applied this product to my womb raider, coin purse and coal hole after mistaking it for almond flavoured cake icing (it was my wife's birthday). Within eight minutes I was positioning myself on a railway line in a desperate attempt to remove the lower half of my body and thus relieving me of the phenomenal pain inflicted upon me by this work of unspeakable evil. Alas, my attempts were futile as all trains were cancelled due to another Veet related incident further up the line.

 

I drifted in and out of consciousness for the next two weeks, after which I awoke at the bottom of a railway embankment surrounded by the lifeless bodies of several species of local wildlife which had succumbed to their curiosity and strayed too close to my horrendously super-heated pubic region. The unimaginably wicked stench of the singed fur of a short-tailed weasel will haunt me for the rest of my now severely diminished days.

 

Following my eventual rescue by Eastern European copper thieves, I was informed by the doctors in the burns unit that, such was the biblical scale of the damage inflicted upon my gentleman's truffles, I can expect my children, my children's children and my children's children's children to be born with permanent alopecia and thus meaning my genetic legacy to the human race will be a sub-species closely resembling 80's animated TV star, Morph.

 

Does anybody know if they sell this in a bigger tube?

Edited January 19, 2013 by BurnnBright