RobMc

QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police Officer? Don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do? ANSWER: English Police Officer: Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights. 1) Does the man look poor or oppressed? 2) Has he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger? 4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 5) Am I dressed provocatively? 6) Could I run away? 7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand? Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings? 9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society? 10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me? 11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me? 12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? 13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Canadian Police Officer: BANG ! American Police Officer: BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! 'Click'...Reload... BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! Glasgow Police Officer: "Haw, Jimmie. Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"

Eastcoast used to keep snakes, but Herbie poisoned them

I have played with you often and would thoroughly recommend losing thirty years in age and drinking less, much cheaper

Don't want to hijack this thread but find it interesting, is blowing it the best method? you'll all have been doing this for years and may not have tried anything else, or other methods don't work perhaps? The problems I see with snow are weight and volume, especially volume, as the larger the volume the longer it takes to melt. Weight you can do nothing about but you could reduce the volume by melting it, yes it will refreeze but it will be a lot less volume and easier to break up and remove, I realise it won't run away like water, but can be broken up and removed, does no one use flamethrowers and jackhammers?

Congratulations my boy, kick me and you're dead

I can die a happy man, woke up this morning and the final of top hooker was on, what excitement I only nodded off twice. Now don't get me wrong, I've been a lifelong fisherman, but this lot was only slightly ahead of gymnastics and ballet in my opinion. Anyway well done Patrick, producers ffs find a subject more interesting, this was a poor imitation of top shot, which was great. So looking forward 'across the pond' to this seasons offerings, apart from my favourite Wheeler Dealers, now ruined after changes in format, same as Top Gear, strange that eh? Change a winning formula then wonder why no one watches anymore, can I be a producer? We need an idiots channel as we have loads of drama, lots of cars, boobs and bums, cooking (sore subject presently), bikes, and our brave adventurer Ayaq. Rugger make a documentary, none of us need ever work again, oh yea I don't already lol.

Wow ! I never realised there was so much pent up rage and anger in food preparation? I'll be armed and ready at my next Mcdonalds drive through on my mobility scooter

I get the feeling Frenchi wants us to visit? I-m assembling our traditional tourist party, a thousand knights, three thousand archers and some pretty camp followers, where do we camp?

Les Français ont-ils tous quitté le pays ???

About time Killer, welcome, no fighting with you know who.

Yes it's a tablet not a phone ( I'm not that advanced yet lol ) and never had any difficulties at all until the other day. Update, just tried it again and now it works again, you're brilliant, did you do anything? So in the space of 30 mins problem solved.

I have tried again but it will not let me copy the message first bit quite long but says my connection is not private NET::ERR_CERT_AUTHORITY_INVALID. Second bit called advanced, this lets me connect but says server could not prove XI site and security cert not valid

Android 6.0, I have tried and tried to cut and paste the error message but it won't let me, definitely says security cert invalid and warns of going on site?

Was, as I say now only on android, windows now seems ok?

Happened to me all morning on all computers, now just on Android, definitely an issue with security certificate as all my errors say this is the problem.

Aw don't spoil it, we're enjoying ourselves

Buddy I lie here again watching overhauling (gto if you're curious) and my heart goes out to you, in a non gay manly way. You sound down, and I think I see the cause, there are subliminal messages in your plea for help, I say stick at it that Sasquatch will come and infamy beckons, you will get what you deserve, and I will help. No need to build a balloon, there are regular flights to UK ( yea true) but no good for you as your guns will be confiscated so stay over there you'll be happier. Now I'm not only a poor player but also a poor 'shrink' however the hints are there in your reply, 'comforting ribs' surely refers to the first woman Eve, made from a rib and you signed off BRA when surely you meant BRO? That can only mean one thing - you need a good woman, or better still a bad one, perhaps you are frustrated? Let me assure you that my entire life I have struggled with bra release systems too, most Houdini could not have cracked. Therefore I endeavoured to come up with a genuine quick release system and have patented and currently am undergoing trials with a velcro/vaseline model, fortune beckons me too. Her indoors showed no enthusiasm in assisting me so I coerced the blonde next door into experimenting, if you get my drift, but even he is losing interest. I'm here for you in your darkest hours ( appropriate where you live in the winter) Rob

If it's of interest, on Explorer no problems on firefox and android won't let me in at first because of security certificate issues? but when I force them to connect they work.

Timmah gameplay est non cordon bleu

Ayaq my buddy, lying in bed thinking of you as always, in a manly non gay way of course and watching overhauling as no Alaska programmes on. New idea, how about me approaching them to overhaul your snowmobile? adventurers like you always have them in mountain men, life below zero etc etc. You will need to act surprised at the reveal, and promise me you won't cry, otherwise my image of you will be shattered forever. No fear of that is there my brave boy? but try to look grateful, and don't ravish the gorgeous token girl they keep in the background, I know you are starved of female company in the wilds. What do you think?

It still amazes me that Walmart sells guns and ammo, to us in UK it's very strange, the most dangerous thing we ever see in Asda (UK Walmart) are cactuses in summer, you all must know the old joke over here. Man at checkout in Walmart, the cashier says sorry sir we can't sell you that Kinder Egg as the parts inside might hurt your child, man replies oh that's ok I'll just take an M16 and a 1000 rounds of ammo then please. From what I'm gathering in this post is that Walmart sell guns and ammo cheaper than gunshops, that true?

You're a pervert lol.

Yea - this time could you take her clothes off ?

Ayaq update, the experiment was a complete failure, the durex burst, much as they did many years ago leaving me with some very expensive things to keep. It seems rubber and heat don't mix ( maybe I was going too fast??) so back to the drawing board, or in my case garage. Have started on the gun mount, I'm sure Angu5 will have a spare gatling gun in his collection, do we need a concealed carry permit for it? A bit of trauma on Sunday as the site was down here and I had to talk to her indoors instead, on the bright side I discovered we had two children. But back to normal now dear boy, adventure beckons once more, love you in a manly non gay way.

Same problem plus it won't log onto site straight away says theres a security cert error and my https is red and crossed out??