JohnnyDos Posted July 16, 2013 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.30 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Posted July 16, 2013 The Jewish E L B O W A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who Is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, Push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is On the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you getOut, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons With my elbow? .........." "What . . . .. ... You coming empty handed?" _______________________________________________ Wise Italian Grandfather Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down Through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome Plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me Your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you Gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a Couple of bambinos. " "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. What you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "Time's up?" ___________________________________________________________________________ Irish blonde... An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino.She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars In a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled The dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings And her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb..... But all men...are men! Blackbart and TheLastColdBeer 2
TheLastColdBeer Posted July 16, 2013 Member ID: 489 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 553 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 4745 Content Per Day: 0.82 Reputation: 6058 Achievement Points: 42053 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 18 Joined: 09/22/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 23, 2024 Birthday: 01/09/1963 Device: Android Posted July 16, 2013 Good a place as any for a Newfie joke... A drunk Newfie was stumbling home one day when he got lost and found himself in the bush. He fell to the ground and noticed a lamp. He picked it up, and rubbed it, and out came a genie. "You have three wishes, choose them wisely." says the Genie. The Newfie, looking down at his last, and empty, bottle of beer, smashes it on some rocks and says, "I want a beer that will never run out." A bottle appears in front of the Newfie. He takes it, looks at it, and downs it. He looks at it again, and to his surprise, it was still full. The Newfie being very content starts walking away. "Where are you going," asks the Genie, "You still have two wishes left!" "Well," replies the Newfie, "Give me TWO more of these!" JohnnyDos and Blackbart 2 Awards
TheLastColdBeer Posted July 17, 2013 Member ID: 489 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 553 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 4745 Content Per Day: 0.82 Reputation: 6058 Achievement Points: 42053 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 18 Joined: 09/22/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 23, 2024 Birthday: 01/09/1963 Device: Android Posted July 17, 2013 No replies? Oh Johnny! Time t' pile em' on! @@Newf An English tourist asks a Newfoundlander:"Why do Scuba divers always fall Backwards off their boats?"To which the Newfoundlander Replies:"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the Fuckin boat." A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night & sees a woman in the Shadows "Twenty dollars" she whispersPerry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks So they hide in the bushes.They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them It is a police officer."What's going on here, people?" asks the officer."I'm making love to me wife" the Newfoundlander answers sounding annoyed"Oh, I'm sorry, mate," says the cop ,"I didn't know""Well, neidder did I, til yer shined that light in her face." -A newfie was having a hard time attracting women at the beach, so he decided to ask his friend the lifeguard for advice."It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos--about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man.. .ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"The following weekend, the newfie hit the beach with his new Speedos and his fist-sized potato. Everybody he walked past immediately covered their faces and started gagging.The newfie went back to the lifeguard and said, "I did what ye said, but it's sitll not working.""Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said lifeguard, "the potato goes in the front!" and the list goes on.......... Newf must be drunk & passed out. He usually pipes up after one of these. Leadfinger and Blackbart 2 Awards
Leadfinger Posted July 17, 2013 Member ID: 4888 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 56 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2020 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 3795 Achievement Points: 26312 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 3 Joined: 01/12/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 29, 2023 Birthday: 08/29/1962 Posted July 17, 2013 LOL Good stuff! Awards
google Posted July 17, 2013 Member ID: 1270 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 149 Topic Count: 330 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 3864 Content Per Day: 0.69 Reputation: 4548 Achievement Points: 34207 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 12 Joined: 03/22/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Saturday at 10:42 AM Birthday: 04/12/1969 Device: Windows Posted July 17, 2013 Three men in a bar talking about sex. Italian: "Last week I slept with my dear Lucia was great. I smeared it all over with olive oil, we made passionate love and she moaned final 5 minutes. " Frenchman: "Last week, I made love to my girlfriend Amelie was great. I spread cream over her body, we made love like crazy and finally she screamed for 15 minutes. " Novel: "Well, last week and I made love to my Maria. I gave it the fat, we had sex and then she screamed six hours. " Amazingly, Italian and French asks: "What could you do to him the wife scream six hours?" "I wiped my hands on the curtains in the living room!" deerejon 1 Awards
JohnnyDos Posted July 17, 2013 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.30 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Good Newfie jokes Last ColdBeer,never heard the 1st 2,I've heard the potato one.It's one of my favorites.
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