JohnnyDos Posted August 2, 2015 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Posted August 2, 2015 Retired Husband After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse and leaves me with endless time to fill.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:Dear Mrs. Harris:Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."(This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a "Code 3.")August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.August 15: Set up a tent in the Camping Department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the Bedding Department, to which twenty children obliged.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMT's were called.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.September 10: While handling guns in the Hunting Department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme song.October 6: In the Auto Department, he practiced his "Madonna Look" using different sizes of funnels.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"October 27: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked, "Where is the fitting room?"And last, but not least:November 8: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out. Spartacus, BloodRidden82, Mule and 4 others 7
Mule Posted August 2, 2015 Member ID: 390 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 32 Topic Count: 411 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 4252 Content Per Day: 0.74 Reputation: 3052 Achievement Points: 35639 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 7 Joined: 09/14/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 28, 2024 Birthday: 05/08/1959 Device: Windows Posted August 2, 2015 Me to a T! Awards
TBB Posted August 2, 2015 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20436 Content Per Day: 3.65 Reputation: 22495 Achievement Points: 147666 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 392 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 22 minutes ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Posted August 2, 2015 Oldie but a goodie Awards
iboomboom Posted August 2, 2015 Member ID: 20343 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 90 Topic Count: 205 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3407 Content Per Day: 0.81 Reputation: 3084 Achievement Points: 30326 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 10/11/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: Wednesday at 12:58 AM Birthday: 07/01/1983 Device: Macintosh Posted August 2, 2015 Still funny though... Awards
WarDragonXI Posted August 4, 2015 Member ID: 257 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 19 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 280 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 45 Achievement Points: 1673 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/05/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 27, 2023 Birthday: 10/02/1950 Posted August 4, 2015 Yep lol Awards
Sammy Posted August 4, 2015 Member ID: 3036 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 32 Topic Count: 219 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 9419 Content Per Day: 1.92 Reputation: 7515 Achievement Points: 62539 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 21 Joined: 11/29/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 17 Birthday: 04/26/2008 Device: Windows Posted August 4, 2015 That's a lotta trips to walmart. Awards
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