RobMc

Bring your own parrot??

A gypsy girl is about to get married, her mum says to her "Emerald you do realise when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession into where you urinate" The daughter replies "Shut up ma how the hells he going to fit his transit van in the sink".

Actually I spent my entire lifetime avoiding London, I like my own country and London is certainly not that, I would say stay well clear of it, and a lot of Brits would agree. Any of you tourist types be very careful where you go, do not wear watches or use expensive phones, crime is off the map.

A man went to Harley Street, London and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read : "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist...... You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester " "My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man. "No sir" she answered, "that's where the end of the queue is."

Dray that's awful

That sounds horrendous mate, fingers crossed all goes well

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.' 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?' 'Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.........God!I miss him!!! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!' 'Good,' said the lawyer, 'but, why?' 'Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!'

Never stopped there but passed through it dozens of times, it is steeped in history because of it's location, however disappointingly not one premise sells maple syrup, take your own.

Yea but we don't really smoke meat over here, perhaps I could ask my carpenter buddy @jointz to give me some ideas how to build one, I'm sure he smokes too??

God visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking, drinking an sex if he wants to get into heaven! A week goes past and God visits the man to see how he is getting on. "Not bad" says the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I just had to take her there and then"! "They don't like that in heaven" replies God.. The man says "They're not too happy about it in Asda either, we're banned"

Guess none of you cook??

Nice Key, how about this?? Legi want's to buy a bike He doesn't want a car or trike He's viewed them all from Brest to Dover Lets hope he's lucky with his leg over (Isn't that what all men want? to sit astride their bike) Queenie banish those thoughts right now

Something you want to tell me and @Essssieeee Bio ????????

???????????? That's it, pistols at dawn, I challenge you to a duel, pistols or swords? I'll be using an AK 47

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear granddaughter, the other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did. What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Will write again soon. Love, Grandma.