RobMc

Drink, party, flirt, not bathe, be little boys, be rich and be bored?

My pet mouse named Elvis died yesterday. He was caught in a trap

I have a little Satnav It sits there in my car A Satnav is a driver's friend It tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav I've had it all my life It’s better than the normal ones My Satnav is my wife. It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five". It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the damned thing off!

Get ahead in life, don't wipe it - kiss it

Yes you are oooxxx

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.' I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it....

Yea the DLC's can be expensive, and they always leave a few out, ,although to be fair they include most in the initial purchase. For us older gamers they are excellent value for money and you don't need a super computer or 105" monitor with backup generator to power. The biggest advantage is all these games can be played on modern OS's never had one hiccup on any of them on my Atari ST 1mb

Tip, if you like a game but don't need it immediately keep revisiting and looking at it, sometimes (but not always) they reduce the price to almost nothing.

For ONCE I daren't comment

Come on, where and when will he respawn??

A father was looking for the latest Barbie for his daughter's collection. He found an Astronaut Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $565.95. The amazed father asks the salesperson : "Why is the Divorced Barbie $565.95 and the others only $19.95?" The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir.., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made of Ken's balls."

Texting for the over sixties. The kids have their sms codes, like bff, wtf, lol etc So here are some codes for the more mature. ATD - at the doctors, BFF - best friends funeral, BTW - bring the wheelchair, FWIW- forgot where i was, GGPBL -got to go pacemaker battery low. GHA - got heartburn again, HGBM - had good bowel movement, IMHO - is my hearing aid on. WAITT - who am I talking to, GGLKI - got to go laxative kicking in, IPMSA - I've pissed myself again.

I've seen your 'babes', most of them wear dentures

You want to play old games??? well this is where Rob went, no screaming, no hackers, no go to spec just you and good old AI. My favourites Way of the Hunter and Cossacks, and just so cheap you don't believe it Welcome to GOG.com | best PC games DRM-free

Subject: The little paper bag. A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag. 'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, Come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. ‘What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor . . . 'Your mother must have been a carrier'