RobMc

A policeman sees a little old lady walking down a city street, dragging two plastic garbage bags. While he is watching her, he observes that there is a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a £20 note flies out of it onto the pavement. As she goes to pass him, the policeman stops her. “Excuse me ma’am, but did you know there are £20 notes falling out of that bag?” “Dear me!” says the little old lady. “I had better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning officer.” “Well now, not so fast. How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?” “Oh, no,” says the little old lady. “You see me back garden backs up to the stadium parking area. After each football game, a lot of fans pee in me hedges, right into me flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and say, ‘£20 or off it comes!'” “Fair play!” laughs the officer. “Well good luck. By the way, what’s in the other bag?” “Oh that,” the little old lady replies, “not all of them pay.”

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

Ah the 'ring' of Canadians, a fitting insight into our quest for the truth, how are the 'rings' of Canadians different?? Next time I'm at the toilets in the park I must consult with my more learned colleagues, inclined that way, into the subtle nuances of differing nationalities rings. Do they smear them in maple syrup, as they do to so many different things, or is this stretching the truth?? (how many will get this?)

How are you all relating rectums to eyes??? is there something old Rob is missing (other than hair), I feel an asshole not knowing. Is eyestrain linked to constipation?? I feel we should consult with Rugger, for by now he is surely an authority on assholes. Are brown eyes a result of this link?, is Kapt's 'Iris' an asshole spy?, am I drunk (yes), I look forward to your comments, let's get to the bottom of this mystery. Your faithful servant Rob

There are times when I despair of my fellow humans, usually in these forums, you're idiots

Where do flowers come into it Kapt??

Hi Rob he said Before we start bend over and drop your trousers I heard the snap of the rubber gloves, and the horrendous probing finger Seems ok but I'll see you again in six months I must get a new dentist

You sure this 'rust stain' isn't due to trying British curries???? diaper boy

That's a well kept secret then ?? They'll be telling us next they have no lakes, trees, Moose or Maple syrup?

Mark and Wayne were on a walking holiday in Scotland. While they were walking through the rugged Scottish mountains one crisp Autumn day, they became rather thirsty, so they decided to stop at a remote croft and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited them in, saying they were the first Canadians she had ever met. Marvelling at their manly physiques and strong accents she gave them a drink of water, only $30 Then, as it was somewhat chilly outside, she served them a bowl of soup by the peat fire, a bargain $40 a bowl. While they were eating the soup, they noticed that there was a wee pig agitatedly running around the kitchen. He kept running up to the visitors and giving them a headbutt and a growl. The men commented that they had never seen a pig this friendly before. The lady of the house replied, “Och sure, he’s not that friendly at all. They're his bowls you’ve been using.”

If money is a tool for fools make me an idiot Nooooo just realised what I said, I'm done with that My wife said if you won the lottery would you still love me? Of course I said, but I'd miss you

OMG IT'S a JOKE I wasn't targeting Canadians

OMG I'm giving up, but notice the carefully chosen names Mark and Wayne

OMG that wasn't the point of the joke Kapt?? far too technical

Hello son, how you doing??, do you want me to stop?