RobMc

PART 9 1/. Feedback from fans travelling to the USA from GB and experiencing America for the first time A/. Scotland - the Jocks are struggling with dietary problems, used to a diet of neeps and tatties, offal (haggis) washed down with Irn Bru (pure sugar) and finished off with a deep fried Mars bar. Many have been overwhelmed by the plethora of options they are now offered. Wee Shugs from Glasgae, tried Mexican food for the first time, after flattening the staff in the restaurant for attempted murder he was last seen in the town fountain, drinking it. B/. England - It has been hard to put together an English team following the predominance of foreign players in their leagues. However on the plus side they suffer no dietary needs or allergies, and are indeed delighted at the portions given at KFC and McDonalds. Their only gripe is the beer, being idiots they followed the recommendations of a well known alcoholic beer taster from Florida. It was far too cold and far too light for real British ale, no the wonder they can't shoot straight. 2/. In the true spirit of wokeness British commentators will no longer use the words 'kick off' (referring to a riot or fight, 'tackle' (which could be associated with mens genitalia) and 'sent off' (which is offensive). 3/. Rob is still awaiting the first client on the offside rule

PART 8

What did they taste like??

PART 7 1/. The world loves football, that is apart from the only sensible nation, but it's being played there now, they're playing with fire. 2/. I remember my one and only game, the 'manager' said he'd let me kick off then pull me off at half time??? blimey I was only expecting an orange? 3/. We learn the offside rule at school in the UK 4/. Scotland are hopeless but humour them, their Rugby team is great (American soccer without armour, only for real men) 5/. I got interested once when doing my nails and the commentator said the game was reaching a climax, how disappointed was I? 6/. There is womens football now, played by girls who arrive at the ground in checked shirts, dungarees and chewing tobacco. 7/. Watching womens football is only for the biggest perverts on the planet, @TBB prints a newspaper describing the highlight (when the whistle blows)

UNLIKE YOU

The triangular and cigar shaped seem to be the larger ones and the saucer and orb the smaller, if it wasn't for the fact that everyone has a camera on their phones, and there are few pictures, I'd believe more.

Dreamer

Wow, watching these programmes about UFO's this missing time and implant seem to be a recurring theme, was the ufo triangular or round?

PART 5 1/. Football is really interesting once you have grasped the offside rule, though officials struggle with this 2/. In an effort to hijack the origins a certain country calls the game soccer, oh no no no, deal with your own failings 3/. In the UK we still remember bitterly 'The hand of God' 4/. Apparently in the UK it's our national sport? despite ten times as many people fishing 5/. The 'experts' are called pundits, the pundits haven't a clue, however their bank balances suggest otherwise 6/. During the tournament, for a very modest fee Rob is available for consultations on the offside rule Enjoy it, I'll be fishing

Ah??? the acid years?? and I'm impressed you have a friend, strangely I don't have many on here. Seriously though tell me about it Mike, more people need to come forward if it's true.

xxxxoooo

PART 4 1/. The main object is to score a 'goal', many games reach a climax without any goals after two hours (normal plus extra time) 2/. This is mainly because the average thick football player does not realise this, a 'goal' is when you beat the goalkeeper and the ball hits the back of the net. 3/. New observers will see a team get the ball in their half, pass it right up the field to within yards of the opponents goal, then pass it all the way back to start again. 4/. If by accident some overpaid egotist of a player actually scores then the other members of his team kiss and hug him. This game might be highly suitable for @jointz and @TBB, who as we know need a hug now and again. 5/.Buy a book and spend a few hours in the sun familiarising yourself with the offside rule 6/. If watching on tv and there's a foul it's not like your football, you can't take the family out for a meal until it restarts, remember we have a magic sponge.

PART 3 1/. Footballs really exciting, about on par with trimming your toenails, honestly it's that good 2/. You'll learn about the magic sponge, where players rolling round on the ground screaming and looking like they've been hit by Kentucky Ballistics 4 bore, instantly recover when it's applied. 3/. If you've got an hour or two to spare sit and read about the offside rule 4/. Traditionally in the UK at half time we sup hot beef drinks and eat pies consisting mainly of offal, a fantastic culinary experience for the newcomers. 5/. I ate all the pies 6/. In the old days before seating, people used to pee in your pocket in the crush (true) 7/. It is compulsory to consume large amounts of alcohol before the match (game) and after

More football facts for the newbies 1/. The ball is round 2/. The goalposts are quite low 3/. You get an orange at half time 4/. You can get quite rich 5/. Managers are sacked and changed every month 6/. Most clubs are broke, the players are not 7/. Women play, but not against men, which I find strange with equality laws? 8/. Supporters enjoy fighting each other 9/. It gets less physical as the years go by

I don't date football players, but if that's your scene buddy?????????????? who gives a toss ?? (GET IT?)