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BigPapaDean

My how life changes!

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I turned 7. Then I couldn't wait until I turned 14. Then came the ultimate age of 21 that I just had to be. Now 40+ yrs later I wish I was still 21.  I was a kid who loved the limelight and any chance I had I took it. I didn't consider the embarrassment to my parents. I just knew I had to be seen. When I grew older I was the life of the party no matter where I was. I hated boring stupid inactive parties. Tho I never drank or did anything like that I was always on a natural high, you might say. I use to see myself at 40-50 and think I will be successful and be set for life. I was very active in my church and when some activity needed something done to kick it off I wouldn't hesitate. I was married at the OLD age of 27 and my social life came to a screeching halt. All the activities I loved on a daily basis such as hunting, fishing and hiking seemed to just vanish out the door. I raised 3 kids with the wife and then when I least expected it my life changed again. On the day of our 28th yr anniversary, she left me and turn gay on me. Not that that is so bad but imagine how I as a man felt. That and a few other things brought me to a place I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be. I had a nervous breakdown. One which totally changed my personality to something entirely different from what I knew. Though I also lost all my longterm memory so I really had no standards to measure myself by anyway. This forced me to quit my job of being an office manager of a steel sales center as the stress caused me to have relapses at work. The boss was willing to keep me and have me go to get treatment. I remember thinking I need a total change so I quit. I decided to go to school to get a degree in cyberforensics. The interesting thing about that is I couldn't retain anything I learned. Today I have an 8K educational loan hanging over me that I can't pay. I am now in an Assisted Living facility with no funds left for paying that loan off. I sit here day after day on my pc because the big strong man I was is now a fat flabby handicapped man that can barely walk. My life has changed in so many ways I could have never foreseen that I just shake my head. Yes, it's been a tough journey but I am still among the living and I have 2 grandkids that make my heart go pitter patter. This day is my oldest one's birthday but I won't get to see her as much as I would love too. My purpose for this post is so those of you who knew me before so you can be reacquainted with me again.

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Hey big man don't be sad, you're still there, still going and there is always something to live for, don't dwell on the past, that is gone, make the most of the future, I'm going to, you do the same, lets have a final bit of fun.

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I remember you very well...expert with the knive...I would love to give you an advise...or help you..but I can't really..life gives and takes...Im totally destroyed myself...I dont feel like to live anymore..nothing interest me anymore and Im very healthy.. I missed my lovely wife she passes last Christmas..and is not fair that she left...The stroke kill her.. not before she weared that fcken dicease for 7 and half year...

Im pretty sure that you Remember PFORZHEIM...he stopped playing about 3 years ago...yesterday I found out he got hit by a STROKE...

BigPapaDean..Im trying to tell you that Life is a bitch...you hang in there

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Bigmeandean.....

i know you such a long time and I pay you my respect.

I wish you inner peace and do not despair of your life.

You have done many important things in your life especially with and for your kids and grandkids.

You are still important.

Believe in it.

I do.

 

Trashy
 

 

 

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i don't know you at all really but i would say you haven't lost anything! it took more of a man to say what you said, than to sit there feeling sorry for yourself and keeping things bottled up inside, only to cause more damage to your inner man! life is hard to all of us and it's what we do when this happens that determines who we are as individuals and where we stand in life. i see you take a stand and let us know that, you keep on, keeping ON! peace brother!

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