More Irish jokes (sorry Barron)

[RobMc]

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Maureen, were bragging about their sons. Kate says, “Me Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.” Maureen responds, “Right, me Danny is a saint himself. Not only hasn’t he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.” “My word,” says Kate. “You must be proud.” “I am,” replies Maureen. “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”

Murphy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test with a local accountancy company. The tester took Murphy to a small office, where he sat him down and started to ask him some questions. “If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “No, listen carefully. If I give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?” Murphy replied, “SIX.” “Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “How on Earth do you figure that you’d have seven rabbits?” “Well,” replied Murphy, "I’ve already got one rabbit at home!”

Paddy and Murphy drive to the lumberyard. Paddy walks in the office and says, “We need some four by twos.” The clerk asks, “You mean two by fours, don’t you?” Paddy said, “Just a minute, I’ll go check.” After consulting with Murphy he returns. “Right, I meant two by fours.” The clerk then asks, “How long do you need them?” “We will need them for a long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

[TBB]

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

 

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

 

 

An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?"

The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."

The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.

The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

 

[NuTzOpaNts]

WOW those are good!  These Irish folks in your jokes seem type like the sagest of humans!

[Barron]

There is loads of Irish jokes, I am bad at remembering them in complete. Strangely enough too they aren't on google to be found.

I will try my best to gather some from people and post them here during the week