Holy Humour

[DEEJAYKEG]

HOLYHUMOUR

**A father wasapproached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Biblemeans!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what theBible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," Itstands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite)

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to herbrother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. Thereare those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it'smorning."

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he wasshort of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled theblock 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us ourtrespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with thisnote "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticketI'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to hiscongregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we haveenough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's stillout there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. Theowner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to theback of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle:Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergartenboy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a longholiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars aheadof him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay.It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a longtrip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in mybusiness."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center ofattention.

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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson wasabout.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped byfor tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson wasabout.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask thecongregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs tothe church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organistwas sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. Thesubstitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But,you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement aboutthe finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters,we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expectedand we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please standup."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star SpangledBanner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

 

When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache..... When you open it,he collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees thatyou are living what you read, he flees..... And when you are about to forwardthis message.... He will try and discourage you.. I just defeated him!!! Anyother takers?

[JohnnyDos]

DeeJay all killer jokes.Hope you don't mind I copied them and sent them to my younger sister.It so happens that she works for the Catholic Schoolboard here.Those jokes will either make them laugh or get her fired.Real good ones.Thanks

[3rdCdnInfty]

JohnnyDos

DeeJay all killer jokes.Hope you don't mind I copied them and sent them to my younger sister.It so happens that she works for the Catholic Schoolboard here.Those jokes will either make them laugh or get her fired.Real good ones.Thanks

 lmfao hahahaha

[Hunter1948]

Good ones.

[Merlin007]

haha.  I especially like the 'no-parking zone' one.

[Bushape]

Good ones DeeJay. Thanks for sharing with us.

[TBB]

Nice ones - thanks