DEEJAYKEG Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 1238 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 35 Topic Count: 1207 Topics Per Day: 0.23 Content Count: 6083 Content Per Day: 1.17 Reputation: 4984 Achievement Points: 50727 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 11 Joined: 03/12/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 11 Device: Kindle Fire Share Posted September 4, 2011 Men are just happier people What do youexpect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one isjust too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, morepay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25minutes. No wonder men are happier. NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura,Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other asFat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even thoughit's only for £32.50. ..........None of them will have anything smallerand none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get theirbill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream,razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. ..........She knowsabout dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secretfears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forgethis mistakes. ......There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
tsw 8.5 Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 906 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 144 Topic Count: 515 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 17108 Content Per Day: 3.25 Reputation: 42103 Achievement Points: 148749 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 678 Joined: 12/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 11/30/1960 Device: Windows Share Posted September 4, 2011 that was cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Jonny Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 2570 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 197 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 11 Achievement Points: 1170 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/08/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: February 3, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2011 PRICELESS, I rolled on the floor laughing^^ the best about it: It's sooo true XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Bushape Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 839 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 18 Topic Count: 83 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1334 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 64 Achievement Points: 7776 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/05/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 12, 2020 Birthday: 07/17/1958 Share Posted September 4, 2011 So true DeeJay. That was a little long but it was great and again all true. Thank you for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
TBB Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 269 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18222 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20279 Achievement Points: 133547 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 269 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 16 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted September 4, 2011 lamo - fabulous - thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Blackbart Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 51 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 51 Topic Count: 342 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 5974 Content Per Day: 1.11 Reputation: 3766 Achievement Points: 45818 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 27, 2021 Birthday: 06/26/1949 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Described me perfectly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Hunter1948 Posted September 4, 2011 Member ID: 1850 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 98 Topic Count: 328 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 8620 Content Per Day: 1.73 Reputation: 4222 Achievement Points: 55994 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/29/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 06/19/1948 Device: Windows Share Posted September 4, 2011 Lmao what kids ??? What marriage ???? What day is it???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
NickTheGrip Posted September 5, 2011 Member ID: 177 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 16 Topic Count: 145 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1669 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 281 Achievement Points: 10581 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 27, 2023 Birthday: 05/08/1961 Device: iPhone Share Posted September 5, 2011 Funny as hell, but true also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
WeednFeed Posted September 5, 2011 Member ID: 433 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 39 Topic Count: 345 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 2349 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 3822 Achievement Points: 24169 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 35 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 3 hours ago Birthday: 05/28/1957 Device: Windows Share Posted September 5, 2011 OMG didn't think everyone knew about my life like that! Weed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
LtLaszlo Posted September 5, 2011 Member ID: 151 Group: ++ COD2 Admin Followers: 62 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9155 Content Per Day: 1.70 Reputation: 24334 Achievement Points: 94312 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 316 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Saturday at 11:51 PM Birthday: 05/17/1959 Device: Kindle Fire Share Posted September 5, 2011 Amen, brother! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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