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Posted

If you find yourself down in the dumps.... Just leave.... It's a nasty, stinky place and probably harbours various diseases.



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Posted

if a dog humps your leg and you think he's horny, think again. he is actually showing HE is dominant and you're his bitch!



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Posted

noone ever pisses



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Posted

Mark Ingram won the Heisman....Roll Tide Roll!!!!!



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Posted

man who walk through turnstile sideways going to bangkok !!!!!!!!!!!!



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Posted

Man who jumps off cliff....Jump to conclusion.



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Posted

So....what's the speed of Dark?



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Posted

The deal of a lifetime comes around once every seven days!



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Posted

if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen, Tongue out



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Posted

Man who pass gas in church must sit in own pew.



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Posted

10 countries where sheep outnumber people...1) The Falkland Islands. 2) New Zealand. 3) Australia. 4) Uruguay. 5) Mongolia. 6) Syria. 7) Namibia. 8) Iceland. 9) Mauritania. 10) Somalia.



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Posted

Men who live in glass houses should never.. walk around naked Laughing.



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Posted

 

The top ten reasons guns are easier to deal with than women. icon_guns.gif

 

 

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

 

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on the road.

 

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

 

#7. Your primary gun does not mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

 

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

 

#5. A gun does not take up a lot of closet space.

 

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

 

#3. A gun does not ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

 

#2. A gun does not mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

 

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman...

 

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

 



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Posted

Shouldn't apartments be called togetherments?



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Posted

HEY!!! What the Hell Is that thing??!!!!



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Posted

Random funny TRUE story

When my x wife and I got a divorce she refused to sign papers unless I gave her the kirby vacume. She cleaned houses for a living and she said she needed it for her job. I told her that since I have custidy and our daugter was allergic to dust I was keeping it. This dragged our divorce out for several months longer than expected. But on the way back from dropping off my new girlfriend there sat a Kirby vacume on the side of the road (FREE). It was missing the toe piece and without it no workie! Well I grabbed it and first thing in the AM I went to the kirby dealer with the vacume to inquire about a part. Beleve it or not they had one. We put it on the vac. and it fucken worked. So I called my attorney to call hers to let her know that i had a kirby vac for her if she signed papers. She aggreed...........After court was done and I was now divorced I loaded EVERTHING in my truck that she requested but that kirby was the first in the truck. When I got there and unloaded all her things and pushed them just inside her door the last thing was the kirby.

Her comment was "what the fuck is that"? I told her "this is your kirby vacume....this is a 1936 kirby vacume.....plug it in to make sure it works before I leave please.......OH MY GOD this is not what I wanted....it doesnt have automatic drive....This does not even have a bag it has a cup for the dirt....................................I said have a nice day and left



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Posted

man who run infront of car get tired, man who run in back of car get exausted

violence never solves anything in sports ,untill the ref looks away



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Posted

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?



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Posted

And do Nescafe workers take a tea break?



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Posted

Why is the guy who invests your money called a BROKEr?



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Posted

I think you guys are lame asses.



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Posted

If you were in a car travelling at the speed of light, and you turned you head lights on, would they do anything ?



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Posted

If croutons are stale bread why are they packaged in air free bags?



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Posted

If you preface any idea you have with...."Ben Franklin said." Your idea will be much more readily accepted. Try it, I'm not kidding.


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